Is 33 a good age to have a first baby?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn't get married until I was 33, and I worried so much about my fertility. Ultimately I got pregnant easily at 34 and 37, albeit with a miscarriage in between. The honest truth is, anecdotal accounts will tell you nothing, because we're not you. I think the most important things are to feel secure in your marriage, happy in your station in life (whatever that may be), and resilient to change. The best you can do is educate yourself on your cycle, decide when you want to TTC, and go for it!

+1. I was in the same situation, and found that reading "Taking Charge of Your Fertility" gave me knowledge about my cycle that took away much of my anxiety. Good luck.

+1 for TCYF. I found that really helpful.

We started TTC when I was 33 and got pg the first month we tried. #2 was a surprise when I was 34 (#1 was 7 mos old!). We decided to stop there but I don't think we'd have had difficulty having a 3rd in my late 30s given my track record.

I went into TTC expecting it to be difficult since I had several friends with fertility problems. But I think you just hear more about those. People who conceive easily (which is most) don't talk about it.

[Anonymous]

I mean most of us don't have a choice but to start later, but a good age? It's AMA

[Anonymous]

OP here, thank you for the replies, they were helpful. I will read the book Take Charge of Your Fertility as suggested.

I would start immediately if it were only up to me, but my husband wants to wait until we move back to the US. He is currently doing a post doctoral fellowship overseas. I am with him working remotely.

He wants to feel like he has a secure job (assistant professorship), which he will mostly likely start (unless something goes very wrong!) in Sept. of 2016. So he'd like to wait to start trying until the summer of 2016, and have the baby when we return to the US.

Both my mother and his mother had us (both first children) on the late side. My mother was 34 and his mother was 32. I think knowing this makes him feel like we won't have a problem and it's no big deal, but I have heard a few sad stories about people really struggling.

I *want* 3 children, but I could live with two (him also).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think anyone should have a kid before 35 even with IF being a risk. Go read the thread on general parenting from the 31yr old with two kids who feels trapped in her life. Go use these years to get a lot of travel and fun out of your system before you have kids and/or put in some hard years in your professional life. First at 40, second at 45.

Oops. It was off-topic:
http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/498538.page

[Anonymous]

It's all very personal.

The majority of people have no trouble getting pregnant. But some people do.

I think in a world where you have no trouble getting pregnant, 33 sounds like a great age to start. Others will say the younger the better.

Again, for me, super close in age kids wasn't my ideal scenario. I knew it would be hard on me and hard on my marriage. If you are willing to do that though or that's your goal, then you could start at 33 and have 3 and it would probably be fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, thank you for the replies, they were helpful. I will read the book Take Charge of Your Fertility as suggested.

I would start immediately if it were only up to me, but my husband wants to wait until we move back to the US. He is currently doing a post doctoral fellowship overseas. I am with him working remotely.

He wants to feel like he has a secure job (assistant professorship), which he will mostly likely start (unless something goes very wrong!) in Sept. of 2016. So he'd like to wait to start trying until the summer of 2016, and have the baby when we return to the US.

Both my mother and his mother had us (both first children) on the late side. My mother was 34 and his mother was 32. I think knowing this makes him feel like we won't have a problem and it's no big deal, but I have heard a few sad stories about people really struggling.

I *want* 3 children, but I could live with two (him also).

I was SURE I wanted 3. Until I had 2. Take it one at a time

[Anonymous]

If you want three kids, I would start sooner rather than later.

That gives you more time to space them out if you wish, deal with any delays it might take in getting pregnant, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think anyone should have a kid before 35 even with IF being a risk. Go read the thread on general parenting from the 31yr old with two kids who feels trapped in her life. Go use these years to get a lot of travel and fun out of your system before you have kids and/or put in some hard years in your professional life. First at 40, second at 45.

Oops. It was off-topic:
http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/498538.page

OP here - well, life is a game of trade offs... and for many people, waiting to 40 and 45 would mean living without kids, no?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean most of us don't have a choice but to start later, but a good age? It's AMA

No, 33 is not AMA. I was 35 and just barely qualified as AMA.

[Anonymous]

It is so different for everyone. It all depends on your relationship, career, housing, maturity...

[Anonymous]

As many other posters have said...this truly is an impossible question to answer. My husband and I started trying when I was 29. I thought we'd be pregnant right away. It took two years and IVF because of factors that we had no idea about when we started trying. I am now 21 weeks and 31 years old.

[Anonymous]

Tip:

If you have to crowd source when you should have a baby, you are not mature enough to have a baby.

I can't imagine a more personal decision.

Go play some more candy crush and grow up, then have a baby when YOU and your PARTNER decide you want a baby more than anything else on earth.

[Anonymous]

LOL - OP here. I had just been thinking to myself "wow, the 'Expectant Moms' are so much nicer than the other DCUM people!" Thanks for setting me straight.

[Anonymous]

We started talking about maybe trying to have a baby when I was 31, and was in no way emotionally (or even financially) ready to actually have a kid. We thought about it, talked about it, and squirreled away money for nearly two years before I was ready to start trying. It took us nearly ten months to get pregnant – including a few months over the summer where my period just *poof!* disappeared. It took that scare for me to realize I actually did want to have a baby. Even though we were trying, I was still so terrified of the idea of being pregnant, and felt like there was still so many things I wanted to do and see and explore! Now 34 and baby's due in November. I feel emotionally, financially, and even life-ready. It was a long journey to get here, and I'm SO glad it happened the way it did.

So yeah. Don't expect anything, and just roll with it. There really is NEVER a perfect time to have a baby, and time you thought might be inconvenient because of external forces might actually end up to be the best time. Good luck, and don't stress too much about what other people say. Others' stories are great to hear, but yours is yours alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think anyone should have a kid before 35 even with IF being a risk. Go read the thread on general parenting from the 31yr old with two kids who feels trapped in her life. Go use these years to get a lot of travel and fun out of your system before you have kids and/or put in some hard years in your professional life. First at 40, second at 45.

Oops. It was off-topic:
http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/498538.page

OP here - well, life is a game of trade offs... and for many people, waiting to 40 and 45 would mean living without kids, no?

I feel the opposite. I'm 31, with 2 kids, and yes, life is stressful. Do I have lots of extra time and money? No. Do I have 2 wonderful kids, with whom I had easy-ish pregnancies and (luckily) basically no concern of health risks, chromosomal abnormalities, etc. since I conceived them both before age 30? Yep. Do I have some friends who can't grasp why I don't pop out for happy hours last minute? Yes. Do I get to go to the gym every week? No. Do I still travel (with kids, occasionally a weekend with just husband)? Yes. Making good progress in my career? Yes. Sleep 8 hours or more a night? No.

Here was my (and DH's) thoughts -- have kids earlier because there is NO question that it's safer/easier for mom and baby. Our HHI is more than 2x now versus what it was at 23, and I work 75%. We lived in DC right out of college on a much more modest income. We can make it by as 'poor' upper middle class at 32, with 2 kids. Older DC is in a Montessori school. Not the most expensive one, but it's not as if we can't afford a good preschool for him. We bought a fixer-upper townhouse, not a bright and shiny new place with a yard. We're still young enough to burn the candle at both ends a little to make it work. Our young kids don't care which zip code we live in, or mind that we aren't vacationing in Europe every year.

This way, the kids will be 'out of the house' when we're 50. At that point, we will (according to plan), have much more disposable income to enjoy our free time, and still be young enough to do things besides shuffleboard. Perhaps this is a reaction to both having older (35+) parents ourselves. I don't feel like we missed out on something glorious being childless and 30-35-beyond. The peak of our career and personal lives (45-55) is NOT when I want to be dragging around to teeball and elementary open houses and having to make sure someone's available to stay home on the 10th snowday of the year.