Is 33 a good age to have a first baby?

[Anonymous]

Even 30 is kind of late in terms of biology. Some women hit menopause in their 30's. You don't know what issues you will run into. There may be problems with you or him and it may take 2-3 years to learn this. You don't want to be looking at age 40 and going into 3rd round of IVF.

[Anonymous]

I suggest trying for #1 as soon as you possibly can so you know what you're dealing with fertility-wise, and then try spacing out the other two in a way that makes sense for your family's lifestyle and finances.

Yes, you could confront secondary infertility, and that may mean you only have one kid or a second after much effort, but that's a risk you have to take.

As for me, I had two kids with DH#1 and then a decade later at age 38 I got pregnant on my first try with my now DH. I'll be 2 weeks shy of 39 when the baby is born.

[Anonymous]

Agree on checking out the TCOYF book! It's great! I'm with several PPs, it was REALLY hard for me to get pregnant and we started at 26. #1 took a year, and #2 took a year on our own plus a year of infertility stuff (including 3 IVFs) at age 29. We didn't use any birth control after #2 and are now expecting #3 almost 3 years later. It varies SO much, though. My SIL started trying at 29 and got pregnant 3 times her first cycle trying (also using the TCOYF methods). My take is to start trying asap since you know you want children because you really don't know how long it will take until you do.

[Anonymous]

Got pregnant at 34 and 36 without trying. It varies person to person.

[Anonymous]

What field is your DH getting a post doc in? Many academics I know struggle for years trying to get a tenure-track FT professor job. Is it a STEM field? They seem to get jobs pretty easily.

[Anonymous]

I know others have shared a lot, but I just wanted to add my two cents. I think 33 is a great age to have your first baby, but it might be pushing it if you really want 3. If you want 2, I think it will be fine.

I got pregnant with my first at age 30 and am pregnant with my second at 33 (due at age 34). I did NOT want to try for a second kid until my first was about 2.5, and it took 6 months to get pregnant. It would have been a major, major strain on the family if we had pushed it earlier. I know people have kids closer together, but I can't imagine it. My first was a very challenging baby and toddler. The research I've read suggests a 2-4 year gap between kids seems a little better for health outcomes if possible, too.

But I wouldn't rush it if you aren't ready for the first kid now. Maybe you'll change your mind about 3 after you have the first. Or maybe you won't and will be ready soon after to start TTC again. Many women around here are having their kids at 37-38 these days, so it's much more common than it may have been in the past.

[Anonymous]

I just had my first at 33. If we have a second I will wait 2 years to try, so I'd be 35+. This does not thrill me but it is what it is I guess. I got off bc in July and was pregnant by November. Everyone is different - fertility is such. Weird thing. I feel very lucky we didn't struggle conceiving. Good luck op!

[Anonymous]

I conceived #1 at 33 and #2 at 35, pretty much instantly both times.

My husband was in a similar job situation and I went ahead. It was pretty stressful combining major life upheaval with pregnancy, but I'm glad we went ahead with #1 because I had no idea how long it would take or whether we would even be fertile at all. I do wish we had waited maybe six months longer for #2.

A little part of me wanted three, but it is out of the question now. My first two are just too exhausting, and I had GD with the second pregnancy and do not want to risk my health again.

I'd echo a previous poster's suggestion to go ahead with #1. After 1, see if you still feel the same way about having three. If not then you can have a little breather before #2. Two closely spaced are very difficult. I can only imagine how three must be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean most of us don't have a choice but to start later, but a good age? It's AMA

I always love how idiots come on here and make incorrect statements with total confidence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think anyone should have a kid before 35 even with IF being a risk. Go read the thread on general parenting from the 31yr old with two kids who feels trapped in her life. Go use these years to get a lot of travel and fun out of your system before you have kids and/or put in some hard years in your professional life. First at 40, second at 45.

Oops. It was off-topic:
http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/498538.page

OP here - well, life is a game of trade offs... and for many people, waiting to 40 and 45 would mean living without kids, no?

I feel the opposite. I'm 31, with 2 kids, and yes, life is stressful. Do I have lots of extra time and money? No. Do I have 2 wonderful kids, with whom I had easy-ish pregnancies and (luckily) basically no concern of health risks, chromosomal abnormalities, etc. since I conceived them both before age 30? Yep. Do I have some friends who can't grasp why I don't pop out for happy hours last minute? Yes. Do I get to go to the gym every week? No. Do I still travel (with kids, occasionally a weekend with just husband)? Yes. Making good progress in my career? Yes. Sleep 8 hours or more a night? No.

Here was my (and DH's) thoughts -- have kids earlier because there is NO question that it's safer/easier for mom and baby. Our HHI is more than 2x now versus what it was at 23, and I work 75%. We lived in DC right out of college on a much more modest income. We can make it by as 'poor' upper middle class at 32, with 2 kids. Older DC is in a Montessori school. Not the most expensive one, but it's not as if we can't afford a good preschool for him. We bought a fixer-upper townhouse, not a bright and shiny new place with a yard. We're still young enough to burn the candle at both ends a little to make it work. Our young kids don't care which zip code we live in, or mind that we aren't vacationing in Europe every year.

This way, the kids will be 'out of the house' when we're 50. At that point, we will (according to plan), have much more disposable income to enjoy our free time, and still be young enough to do things besides shuffleboard. Perhaps this is a reaction to both having older (35+) parents ourselves. I don't feel like we missed out on something glorious being childless and 30-35-beyond. The peak of our career and personal lives (45-55) is NOT when I want to be dragging around to teeball and elementary open houses and having to make sure someone's available to stay home on the 10th snowday of the year.

It took me a long time to meet the right person. Until I did and had kids, I used to envy people like this poster. I myself was born to mid-30s parents, and based on that I thought the best time to have kids was in your 20s. I felt I'd missed out--on time with my future grandkids, everything.

Now I am mid thirties and have kids, and I realize how all-consuming it is, and how many things you have to give up after you have them, and how much maturity and life experience it requires to be a good parent. And I'm honestly glad I was forced to wait.

[Anonymous]

I had my first when I just turned 33, thinking that I'd want 2 about 2 years apart so that I would not have my second too far into being AMA. I'm staring down the barrel of 35 now, still pretty overwhelmed with a young toddler. I'm now planning a longer age gap between kids (mostly at DH's insistence).

All of this is to say... if you want or might want a longer than 2 year spacing between your children, or you have any trouble getting pregnant, you may wish to start earlier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean most of us don't have a choice but to start later, but a good age? It's AMA

No, 33 is not AMA. I was 35 and just barely qualified as AMA.

I had AMA on my charts and I was30 when I gave birth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean most of us don't have a choice but to start later, but a good age? It's AMA

No, 33 is not AMA. I was 35 and just barely qualified as AMA.

I had AMA on my charts and I was30 when I gave birth.

Your dr was a dope then.

[Anonymous]

Worked for me! I had first DC at 34; second at 27 and third at 41. However, YMMV: it's best to check with OB/GYN about your overall health than to rely on anecdotal evidence -- or anything from DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:i started trying at 29, got pregnant at 33, and will have the baby when i am 34.

Congratulations!