SIL is very ostentatious

[Anonymous]

My SIL is extremely rich and is into huge houses and lots of talking about her extravagant vacations. It's a little over the top for me. Her extreme wealth creates a divide between us. She also isn't especially interested in my friendship. I've tried to reach out and have gotten no where. I'm about to spend the weekend with her and family. Any suggestions?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My SIL is extremely rich and is into huge houses and lots of talking about her extravagant vacations. It's a little over the top for me. Her extreme wealth creates a divide between us. She also isn't especially interested in my friendship. I've tried to reach out and have gotten no where. I'm about to spend the weekend with her and family. Any suggestions?

It's pretty clear you don't like her. Would you want to be friends with someone who wrote a post like this about you?

[Anonymous]

I'm very nice to her and have tried to develop a friendship.

[Anonymous]

Just small talk, superficial stuff. Same as with any other boring person. (It's not about the money, it's about the self-centeredness).

[Anonymous]

"How nice that must be for you ...."


Repeat as needed.

[Anonymous]

"Pardon me, would you have any Grey Poupon?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Pardon me, would you have any Grey Poupon?"

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just small talk, superficial stuff. Same as with any other boring person. (It's not about the money, it's about the self-centeredness).

+1. If you are stuck talking to her, just ask her a lot of questions about her latest acquisitions (except how much they cost) and look impressed. She will think you actually are interesting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My SIL is extremely rich and is into huge houses and lots of talking about her extravagant vacations. It's a little over the top for me. Her extreme wealth creates a divide between us. She also isn't especially interested in my friendship. I've tried to reach out and have gotten no where. I'm about to spend the weekend with her and family. Any suggestions?

Any way you could decide to find her amusing? I'm giggling at the thought of much wicked delight you might find when spending time with her during this upcoming visit, if she's really such a bore.

I have had friends who do very, very well for themselves regale me with outrageous stories that feature their wealth, but in the context of simply great fun. Extravagant vacations don't smart. Lame stories do. My brother has lived abroad for years and is still stuck on how everything costs less there. Boring boring boring. His stories of "extravagance" are so lame it hurts. His latest conversation was about how the Alfredo sauce was nearly American in flavor. Boring. The country he lives in has a rich cultural heritage (and language!) that he knows nothing about, despite the years invested there.

Hopefully, SIL's chatter is more amusing. If there's a window in there for learning more about these vacations, why not show an interest? If she's simply listing destination costs, why not just grabbed some boxed wine with your spouse and make fun of the whole thing?!

[Anonymous]

Nothing special about sister-in-law. What do you do when you don't click with someone? You make small talk conversation, and move on to someone else you enjoy more.

[Anonymous]

But she's not a bad person, right? So just go with the flow.

[Anonymous]

What she says/does will only bother you if you are insecure about yourself. So be confident in your lifestyle and choices. You can be different without being competitive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nothing special about sister-in-law. What do you do when you don't click with someone? You make small talk conversation, and move on to someone else you enjoy more.

But I'd like to click with her. Also, I tend to click with most people. I feel like she doesn't think I'm in her "league" and she isn't willing to open up at all.

[Anonymous]

My SIL is sort of like that, which is fine. Except she's very self-centered. I'm not materialistic (not a matter of affordability, but it's just not my taste), but I don't like and don't connect with SIL because she doesn't reciprocate. She never asks what you've been up to, asks about your interests or family or things. At family gatherings she sits connected to her gadgets and responds to questions, but makes NO effort to engage unless it's about her. It's not a matter of introversion, it's just that she's a very "you come to me" person, not "I'll come to you, or meet you halfway" person.

Needless to say we don't have any relationship. I've tried. Not gonna push it. But maybe she doesn't think I'm in her "league" because my handbag is from H&M.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What she says/does will only bother you if you are insecure about yourself. So be confident in your lifestyle and choices. You can be different without being competitive.

+1

Too many people think that being competitive is a healthy choice for them. it often is not. Compete with yourself, not others, OP. You will be doing yourself a huge favor.

OP, if you are jealous of her, just admit it to yourself and move on. You can be friendly and kind, you can do it, you are an adult. Don't ask too many questions about possessions, she will take it the wrong way and think you are being nosy and tasteless. Try to show some class. Try to find a common interest, one that does not involve talking about money. Sports, anything. It can't be that hard.