SIL is very ostentatious

[Anonymous]

You need to play mental bingo based on her bragging.

Has she mentioned her house?
Has she laughed and said she doesn't remember how to make ice cubes because her freezer does it for her?
Has she mentioned an international trip?
Has she acted surprised that you've never been to [place]?

It makes it SO MUCH fun! Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nothing special about sister-in-law. What do you do when you don't click with someone? You make small talk conversation, and move on to someone else you enjoy more.

But I'd like to click with her. Also, I tend to click with most people. I feel like she doesn't think I'm in her "league" and she isn't willing to open up at all.

Tell us more about yourself and about her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nothing special about sister-in-law. What do you do when you don't click with someone? You make small talk conversation, and move on to someone else you enjoy more.

But I'd like to click with her. Also, I tend to click with most people. I feel like she doesn't think I'm in her "league" and she isn't willing to open up at all.

Tell us more about yourself and about her.

OP, most people who are not willing to open up are insecure. Is it you or your SIL?

[Anonymous]

Learn the art of zoning out while appearing to listen and nod, and smile.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to play mental bingo based on her bragging.

Has she mentioned her house?
Has she laughed and said she doesn't remember how to make ice cubes because her freezer does it for her?
Has she mentioned an international trip?
Has she acted surprised that you've never been to [place]?

It makes it SO MUCH fun! Good luck!

Kind of hard to think you're taking the high road when you think this way. Also kind of hard to make the case that *she* is ill-behaved. I mean, who thinks this way? So ugly.

[Anonymous]

Look the best thing for everyone is just be who you are. I doubt she is expecting you to be rich. Remember that she is a SIL and I doubt she is looking for a friend. Try to just be a SIL. Be polite and not have expectations. SIL's make notoriously lousy potential friends. I'm not wealthy but my husbands income rose dramatically when we were younger and the envy and greed from others was horrible. We ended up losing a great friend because she just couldn't stand that our house was bigger than hers. My family came out of the woodwork with their hands open. Both of these experiences have left us reluctant to be open or trusting. Your SIL may have walls built up internally to prevent an easy friendship so try too hard or it may be misinterpreted as needy or greedy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nothing special about sister-in-law. What do you do when you don't click with someone? You make small talk conversation, and move on to someone else you enjoy more.

But I'd like to click with her. Also, I tend to click with most people. I feel like she doesn't think I'm in her "league" and she isn't willing to open up at all.

Tell us more about yourself and about her.

OP, most people who are not willing to open up are insecure. Is it you or your SIL?

I'm a very open person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nothing special about sister-in-law. What do you do when you don't click with someone? You make small talk conversation, and move on to someone else you enjoy more.

But I'd like to click with her. Also, I tend to click with most people. I feel like she doesn't think I'm in her "league" and she isn't willing to open up at all.

Tell us more about yourself and about her.

OP, most people who are not willing to open up are insecure. Is it you or your SIL?

I am a very open person.

[Anonymous]

Ask her what she did before she became your SIL. What was her world like? Where did she travel and what were her dreams?

[Anonymous]

Op, you are coming across as extremely defensive and judgemental, as well as slightly needy and desperate for her friendship. If you act in this manner with sil than I can see why she is not keen to develop a close personal relationship with you. Sorry.

[Anonymous]

Just be kind to her. If she responds - whether it's this visit or one in the future - then great, you are building a relationship with her. If she doesn't respond, then you'll at least know you did your best.

She has shown you what some of her interests are. If you need topics to engage her, use what she talks about most. "Your home is lovely - what drew you to this area?" or "That sounds like an exciting trip - what was your favorite thing that you saw while you were there?"

People with lots of money are still just people.

[Anonymous]

Give up on being her friend. Be polite. Try to ask her about the places she's visited to learn something about those places. Treat her like an anthropology class on a certain type of rich person. Ask her about books or movies. Or nod politely and then minimize your time chatting with her. You can't click with everyone, so don't worry about it.

Is this your spouse's sibling or your sibling's spouse, or your brother-in-law's wife, or what?

[Anonymous]

Yeah why do you need to be friends with her? What about polite acquaintances? To keep a conversation going, if you need to, it helps to ask someone lots of questions about themselves and then follow up questions. Even if it's one sided your interlocutor will think you're a great conversationalist.

My DH has a few fabulously wealthy friends and I can admit I'm a bit jealous of them. But that's about it. We only see them every so often and can find enoug to talk about to enjoy an evening or afternoon together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My SIL is sort of like that, which is fine. Except she's very self-centered. I'm not materialistic (not a matter of affordability, but it's just not my taste), but I don't like and don't connect with SIL because she doesn't reciprocate. She never asks what you've been up to, asks about your interests or family or things. At family gatherings she sits connected to her gadgets and responds to questions, but makes NO effort to engage unless it's about her. It's not a matter of introversion, it's just that she's a very "you come to me" person, not "I'll come to you, or meet you halfway" person.

Needless to say we don't have any relationship. I've tried. Not gonna push it. But maybe she doesn't think I'm in her "league" because my handbag is from H&M.

This is exactly my SIL that I had to re-read to make sure I didn't write it. The first thing my SIL does when she walks into my house is plug in her phone and then sit next to it while it's charging. She has her phone set so that the flash blinks when she gets a notification so that she can see it across the room and immediately go check and respond. I used to try to engage her, but I'm so sick of being ignored for her phone, that I don't even talk to her beyond saying hello and goodbye. She thinks we are close friends and hasn't even noticed that I've pretty much stopped communicating with her.

[Anonymous]

I think you have a chip on your shoulder OP. I enjoy traveling, but haven't ever been to Asia and Africa. I really love to listen to my friends journeys across Cambodia and Vietnam. I'm not jealous and I don't think they're bragging. It's just what people talk about. Why not listen to her trips if that's what she enjoys doing? I surely listen about people's kids all day and don't have any.

I grew up much wealthier than my inlaws and it's extremely hard to find common ground. I feel like everything is off limits to talk about. Everything we do is completely different and somehow more privileged than them. Even something as simple as getting new pots for my kitchen is excessive.