MIL just confided in me that she caught FIL in cheating...

[Anonymous]

And she doesn't want me to tell DH. She's planning to forgive and stay. Honestly, I don't want him to have to deal with processing this information seeing as she's not leaving him, but I'm angry that she put this on me. And I'm worried he'll eventually find out... what happens if learns I knew long ago and didn't tell him? Any advice?

[Anonymous]

Tell your MIL that you respect whatever decision she makes with regard to her marriage and that at some level your touched that she feels close enough to you that she can share something so personal, but that you simply cannot keep this from your husband. Your loyalty is to your marriage first and it would create problems in your marriage when/if your husband finds out one day and learns that you know all along. Offer her the choice of telling your husband herself or say that you will.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell your MIL that you respect whatever decision she makes with regard to her marriage and that at some level your touched that she feels close enough to you that she can share something so personal, but that you simply cannot keep this from your husband. Your loyalty is to your marriage first and it would create problems in your marriage when/if your husband finds out one day and learns that you know all along. Offer her the choice of telling your husband herself or say that you will.

I agree with this except for the last sentence. It's unfair to put this pressure on her when she is already dealing with so much. Tell her you aren't comfortable and see what she says.

[Anonymous]

I would just tell him, since it's obvious she wants him to know, otherwise she would not have told you. She probably wants him to know without having to take responsibility for ratting out his own father to him. This is a bit manipulative on her part.

[Anonymous]

Would your H want to know?

[Anonymous]

You have to go back to MIL and say that you don't feel comfortable keeping this secret from DH. You will respect and support her in her decision with respect to her marital relationship, whether she decides to stay or go. But, either she tells DH about the situation or you will let him know what his mom shared with you.

My husband cheated on me. If I had found out that any of his friends or family members knew and kept it secret from me, it would have only compounded the betrayal I felt and it would have destroyed even more of the family fabric.

[Anonymous]

I will disagree with the PPs. Maybe she needed someone to confide in and you happened to be there. When this happened to me the first person I told was a friend of my husband's, not because I intended to share, but because she asked me for relationship advice because me and my husband seemed "so happy" and I burst into tears and confessed.

I don't think you have to tell your husband.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't tell him. Is it really any of his business? If it comes up later, I would just say tell him the truth. You didn't want to get involved in their marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would just tell him, since it's obvious she wants him to know, otherwise she would not have told you. She probably wants him to know without having to take responsibility for ratting out his own father to him. This is a bit manipulative on her part.

100% this is what I thought.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And she doesn't want me to tell DH. She's planning to forgive and stay. Honestly, I don't want him to have to deal with processing this information seeing as she's not leaving him, but I'm angry that she put this on me. And I'm worried he'll eventually find out... what happens if learns I knew long ago and didn't tell him? Any advice?

Kick her baggage back to her side of the street. It was totally inappropriate of her to lay this on you AND try to force you to keep it secret from DH. How do you think DH will feel if he ever finds out you conspired to keep this from him? And don't kid yourself: colluding to hide something important from him is exactly how it will look.

Wish her the best and MYOB. Never discuss it with her again. You are not the right person to support her through this.

[Anonymous]

PP here. Don't let her manipulate you into being the one to tell DH. That is her dirty work to do. Stay out of it completely before you end up with DH, FIL and MIL mad at you over drama that is not yours.

[Anonymous]

I would tell DH, but I also have sympathy for MIL-what a terrible thing to find out. PP should save their anger for her jackass of a husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP here. Don't let her manipulate you into being the one to tell DH. That is her dirty work to do. Stay out of it completely before you end up with DH, FIL and MIL mad at you over drama that is not yours.

It's actually the dads dirty work. It's weird being an adult child when you see parents horribly human errors.

[Anonymous]

My MIL tells me private, negative things a lot and then tells me not to say anything. Half the time she really does want me to tell. So who knows here. Personally, I would tell him and also make sure he understands that his mom wants to stay and work on things, so he needs to process this in a way that doesn't hurt her any more than she's already been hurt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP here. Don't let her manipulate you into being the one to tell DH. That is her dirty work to do. Stay out of it completely before you end up with DH, FIL and MIL mad at you over drama that is not yours.

Exactly. Things could end up weird for you. You'd be blabbing your FIL's indiscretion to his son. If his mom wants him to know, she will have to find another passive aggressive way to tell him. MYOB.