My 22 year old sister is out of control - help!!
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Anonymous
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My half-sister and I were raised in the same home. She is my step-dad's biological child. She was pretty much given anything she wanted from birth. My parents fall under the category of " permissive" parents. All throughout childhood she was never punished or disciplined. This has led to her being spoiled, selfish, disrespectful, and a high sense of entitlement. Now she has a slew of issues.
- She drinks and does various drugs daily. She hooks up with both men and women all the time, she seeks drugs and even does it out of my parents home, she is beyond disrespectful. She is incredibly clingy and can never be alone. She doesn't work, has dropped out of school, and hanging around a bad crowd. When my parents or anyone tries to call her on her behavior, end a relationship... She throws a fit, screams, cries, and threatens suicide. - She starts fights for any reason she doesn't get her way. She is out all hours of the night drinking and partying. I went over there this weekend and my sister was stumbling up the stairs drunk - it was only 1:00PM. She has three occasions where she fell and busted her face or ended up with a broken bone. She is out of control and I fear for her life. She needs rehab but continues to say there is no problem. My parents went from saying it was a problem to them now blaming each other. Her dad is blaming her friends for her behavior. He refuses to think she does anything wrong. My mom goes from being in denial to blaming my step-dad for her acting like this. I think both of them have contributed to her behavior and total disregard for anything other than partying. I know she needs help and fear she may end up dead. I'm at a loss of what to do. I bring it up to my mom and she starts fights about how I need to mind my own business. My step-dad is worse given he refuses to acknowledge she is in the wrong. What, if anything, can I do? |
Anonymous
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There's nothing you can do, but your parents should end all financial support for her. No cell phone, car, insurance, rent or a place to stay, etc. of course they won't, but until they do that, she has no chance of getting clean. Doesn't even sound like she wants to.
Crappy situation. I'm sorry. Are you going to al-anon? |
Anonymous
Why would I go to " al-anon"? I don't have a problem. I don't even drink. |
Anonymous
| Nothing you can do don't give her money and try to stay away |
Anonymous
| OP here. She has been abusing alcohol, weed, E, and prescription pills. May be more hardcore but not privy to that information. |
Anonymous
Al-anon isn't the same as AA, dear. Al anon is for family and friends of alcoholics. |
Anonymous
| There's nothing you can do. She has to hit bottom. Then there is room for improvement. It will happen quicker if the parents cut her off. |
Anonymous
| sorry op but Im not sure what you can do. her dad doesn't even acknowledge that there was a problem. how can you fix anything if nothing was wrong. |
Anonymous
| You're going to have to wait until she's arrested before doing anything. Pray she doesn't hurt or kill someone. |
Anonymous
| Any involvement from her biological mother? |
Anonymous
Yes..I made that clear in my post. She lives with our bio mom and her bio dad. Her dad does acknowledge something is wrong but blames on her friends. He is always saying " if she didn't hang out with them, she wouldn't be doing this". My uncle ( his brother) told him he can't out it off in his friends. Yes they are enabling it but they aren't forcing her. She needs to take responsibility for her own actions and not blame everyone else. No we have not gone to anything. I don't think it will help unless she makes that first step. I don't see her stopping until a court or someone orders her to rehab. |
Anonymous
+1 And Al Anon is all about learning that you can't control or change the behavior of alcoholics, and you didn't cause their behavior, and when you need to learn to step out of the situation. Which I think you need to do. |
Anonymous
| OP, you need to listen to the folks recommending Al-Anon meetings. You cannot change this situation. You need some help accepting that. Go to Al-Anon, meet other folks who have been in your situation. Stop being so defensive/stubborn. |
Anonymous
+1 more. al-anon wil not only help you understand your sister a little bit more, but also some of the family dynamic that supports / enables her (ie. Your parents, maybe you), and how you can deal with that in a healthy manner. A lot of family dysfunction often comes part and parcel to substance abuse. |
Anonymous
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I think they need to give her 2 weeks to get a job and find her own place to live. But since her parents are in such denial that is not likely to happen.
They are making a big mistake in enabling this behavior though. It would be much better for her to get out and let the consequences of her substance abuse it her full force on the head. She'll either learn to moderate what she's doing or she'll hit rock bottom and be more receptive to getting help. As it is, she really has no reason to change her ways. But allowing this self destructive behavior to continue is not a kindness. |