My 22 year old sister is out of control - help!!

[Anonymous]

Substance abuse plus reckless sexual behavior plus intense relationships plus early abandonment by parent plus suicide threats point to possible borderline personality disorder.

Google it.

[Anonymous]

Al Anon comments from OP = Denial

[Anonymous]

Why are you being snippy with people who are sincerely trying to help? Sheesh.

[Anonymous]

This is train wreck you didn't cause, and that you can't fix. So step back from ALL of them, and don't give money. Your parents are greatly to blame. Your poor sister is probably mentally ill, and was never diagnosed or treated, which is why she is self-medicating with all this stuff (drugs and relationships).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Substance abuse plus reckless sexual behavior plus intense relationships plus early abandonment by parent plus suicide threats point to possible borderline personality disorder.

Google it.

if I understand OP's post, the sister was never abandoned by a parent, she lives with her mom (who is also OP's mom) and with her dad (who is OP's step dad)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Al Anon comments from OP = Denial

+1. OP, I had the same impression when I read your answer to the poster who suggested Al Anon. It seems that everybody in your family has some denial going on. you may want to try Al Anon because they may help you get the tools to deal with this situation. your parents would probably benefit from some form of family counseling. I don't know your sister but your stressing her spoiled upbringing as the cause of her problem might not be right. she sounds like she may have some mental problems and it is not uncommon for mentally ill people to medicate themselves with drugs and alcohol, making things worse obviously. and this is why it is sometimes not as simple as saying "stop drinking and find a job is a week or you are out of the house". sounds like your sister needs very serious help (and your mom and step dad needs it too)

[Anonymous]

eh, drinking, partying, sex - wild and crazy times in general is not exactly unheard of in early 20 somethings.

But parents shouldn't be inadvertently encouraging this by enabling it. Sis is a young woman now - an adult. She needs to be doing something productive with her life. She needs to get a job and settle down (pay rent to your parents) OR she can get a job and continue to party. She can not live in the basement and drink/screw/do drugs. That is no longer an option.

[Anonymous]

^To clarify - if she continues to drink/party and otherwise act irresponsibly she will need to get her own place. She doesn't have a job? Oh well, she better hurry up and get one. It's hard to buy beer without a job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any involvement from her biological mother?

Yes..I made that clear in my post. She lives with our bio mom and her bio dad. Her dad does acknowledge something is wrong but blames on her friends. He is always saying " if she didn't hang out with them, she wouldn't be doing this". My uncle ( his brother) told him he can't out it off in his friends. Yes they are enabling it but they aren't forcing her. She needs to take responsibility for her own actions and not blame everyone else.

No we have not gone to anything. I don't think it will help unless she makes that first step. I don't see her stopping until a court or someone orders her to rehab.

I'm not the PP, but your post did not make the family tree clear at all.

I agree with PPs. If you are going to be so unpleasant on this thread, why should anyone bother to offer advice? Improve your attitude. That probably goes for real life, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Substance abuse plus reckless sexual behavior plus intense relationships plus early abandonment by parent plus suicide threats point to possible borderline personality disorder.

Google it.

+1.

I get all the posts about about Al Anon, but just up to a point. They are not always that good where a serious mental health issue is involved.

It is also a dangerous fallacy that people have to hit rock bottom before they can be treated.

It is common for parents to start blaming each other for child's problems when they feel helpless about the trainwreck their child has become.

IMO OP the most you can do right now is to suggest to your parents your sister likely has a serious mental health problem and needs to see a really good psychiatrist for a diagnosis. They should make staying in the house contingent on doing this.

[Anonymous]

She is a grown up and she will have to decide if she wants help. You can send her to a psychiatrist and to rehab. It won't mean a damn thing if she is not receptive to the help. And slapping labels on her at this point in the game "Alcoholic" "Bipolar" "Borderline Personality Disorder" will just serve to alienate her and will quite likely just piss her off. Having a label for this might make *you* feel better, it might make your parents feel less guilty. But it won't help your sister if she resents the hell out of it.

To some degree Sis really does need some sort of shake up or wake up call to make her *want* to get her act together. The partying and the hooking up that she is doing is on the extreme side. But it is not unusual for early 20 somethings to be heavily involved in the social scene (partying, clubbing, etc). Thank goodness she is not into heavy drugs.

But your parents are enabling her to JUST party. And that is all that she is doing, that is her life. Why work when you can get free food, rent, beer money. Why work when you can come and go as you please and stay out all night if you want to, do what feels good in the moment - it's not like you have to go to work in the morning.

Unless there is some disordered thought going on or she's suicidal, majorly depressed - a dose of reality may be what she needs most right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any involvement from her biological mother?

Yes..I made that clear in my post. She lives with our bio mom and her bio dad. Her dad does acknowledge something is wrong but blames on her friends. He is always saying " if she didn't hang out with them, she wouldn't be doing this". My uncle ( his brother) told him he can't out it off in his friends. Yes they are enabling it but they aren't forcing her. She needs to take responsibility for her own actions and not blame everyone else.

No we have not gone to anything. I don't think it will help unless she makes that first step. I don't see her stopping until a court or someone orders her to rehab.

I'm not the PP, but your post did not make the family tree clear at all.

I agree with PPs. If you are going to be so unpleasant on this thread, why should anyone bother to offer advice? Improve your attitude. That probably goes for real life, too.

Yes she did. First two sentences of post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any involvement from her biological mother?

Yes..I made that clear in my post. She lives with our bio mom and her bio dad. Her dad does acknowledge something is wrong but blames on her friends. He is always saying " if she didn't hang out with them, she wouldn't be doing this". My uncle ( his brother) told him he can't out it off in his friends. Yes they are enabling it but they aren't forcing her. She needs to take responsibility for her own actions and not blame everyone else.

No we have not gone to anything. I don't think it will help unless she makes that first step. I don't see her stopping until a court or someone orders her to rehab.

I'm not the PP, but your post did not make the family tree clear at all.

I agree with PPs. If you are going to be so unpleasant on this thread, why should anyone bother to offer advice? Improve your attitude. That probably goes for real life, too.

Yes she did. First two sentences of post.

Np here - no it wasn't clear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any involvement from her biological mother?

Yes..I made that clear in my post. She lives with our bio mom and her bio dad. Her dad does acknowledge something is wrong but blames on her friends. He is always saying " if she didn't hang out with them, she wouldn't be doing this". My uncle ( his brother) told him he can't out it off in his friends. Yes they are enabling it but they aren't forcing her. She needs to take responsibility for her own actions and not blame everyone else.

No we have not gone to anything. I don't think it will help unless she makes that first step. I don't see her stopping until a court or someone orders her to rehab.

I'm not the PP, but your post did not make the family tree clear at all.

I agree with PPs. If you are going to be so unpleasant on this thread, why should anyone bother to offer advice? Improve your attitude. That probably goes for real life, too.

Yes she did. First two sentences of post.

Np here - no it wasn't clear.

What part of "half sister" was not clear? And how are you helping OP when you lack basic reading comprehension?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any involvement from her biological mother?

Yes..I made that clear in my post. She lives with our bio mom and her bio dad. Her dad does acknowledge something is wrong but blames on her friends. He is always saying " if she didn't hang out with them, she wouldn't be doing this". My uncle ( his brother) told him he can't out it off in his friends. Yes they are enabling it but they aren't forcing her. She needs to take responsibility for her own actions and not blame everyone else.

No we have not gone to anything. I don't think it will help unless she makes that first step. I don't see her stopping until a court or someone orders her to rehab.

I'm not the PP, but your post did not make the family tree clear at all.

I agree with PPs. If you are going to be so unpleasant on this thread, why should anyone bother to offer advice? Improve your attitude. That probably goes for real life, too.

+ 1 Agree with all of this.