My 22 year old sister is out of control - help!!

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Any involvement from her biological mother?

Yes..I made that clear in my post. She lives with our bio mom and her bio dad. Her dad does acknowledge something is wrong but blames on her friends. He is always saying " if she didn't hang out with them, she wouldn't be doing this". My uncle ( his brother) told him he can't out it off in his friends. Yes they are enabling it but they aren't forcing her. She needs to take responsibility for her own actions and not blame everyone else.

No we have not gone to anything. I don't think it will help unless she makes that first step. I don't see her stopping until a court or someone orders her to rehab.

I'm not the PP, but your post did not make the family tree clear at all.

I agree with PPs. If you are going to be so unpleasant on this thread, why should anyone bother to offer advice? Improve your attitude. That probably goes for real life, too.

Yes she did. First two sentences of post.

NP here. She did not make it clear. First off she's calling her a half-sister. If this is her step-dad's child then she is a step sister. Another poster asked if the bio mom was involved. OP came back and said she had made that clear in her first post and then referred back to her own mom. Her own mom would be the step mom.

OP here. I did make that clear and clearly you did not understand by the above portion. Let me explain - a step sibling is when they don't share DNA. A half sibling is when they share a parent.

Now let me explain ( though I did 3 times). She is my half-sister. She lives with our bio mom and her bio dad ( my step-dad). My parents for divorced and my mom remarried and had my sister. This makes her my half-sister. She lives with both of her bio parents.

NP, I get the connection, but the way you initially worded it, immediatelly mentioning it was your step-dad's bio child and not mentioning your mom, is likely what caused the confusion. Either way you have a defensive attitude, which really isn't warranted when you are the one asking for advice.

Not the OP, but seriously. SHUT. THE. FUCK. UP.

Calm the fuck down.

Take your own advice. Bunch of harpies who would rather argue over semantics than offer constructive advice. Anyone with a brain rad OP's post and understood that she and her sister share the same mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Has your brother tried to help? Wondering what his input on this is

We both have. I no longer give her money. He used to but not anymore either. He is a little more emotionless in the sense it's my partners wrong doing and problem. Our dad is a recovered alcoholic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any involvement from her biological mother?

Yes..I made that clear in my post. She lives with our bio mom and her bio dad. Her dad does acknowledge something is wrong but blames on her friends. He is always saying " if she didn't hang out with them, she wouldn't be doing this". My uncle ( his brother) told him he can't out it off in his friends. Yes they are enabling it but they aren't forcing her. She needs to take responsibility for her own actions and not blame everyone else.

No we have not gone to anything. I don't think it will help unless she makes that first step. I don't see her stopping until a court or someone orders her to rehab.

I'm not the PP, but your post did not make the family tree clear at all.

I agree with PPs. If you are going to be so unpleasant on this thread, why should anyone bother to offer advice? Improve your attitude. That probably goes for real life, too.

Yes she did. First two sentences of post.

NP here. She did not make it clear. First off she's calling her a half-sister. If this is her step-dad's child then she is a step sister. Another poster asked if the bio mom was involved. OP came back and said she had made that clear in her first post and then referred back to her own mom. Her own mom would be the step mom.

OP here. I did make that clear and clearly you did not understand by the above portion. Let me explain - a step sibling is when they don't share DNA. A half sibling is when they share a parent.

Now let me explain ( though I did 3 times). She is my half-sister. She lives with our bio mom and her bio dad ( my step-dad). My parents for divorced and my mom remarried and had my sister. This makes her my half-sister. She lives with both of her bio parents.

NP, I get the connection, but the way you initially worded it, immediatelly mentioning it was your step-dad's bio child and not mentioning your mom, is likely what caused the confusion. Either way you have a defensive attitude, which really isn't warranted when you are the one asking for advice.

+1. At least one thing IS clear - OP is a raging bitch.

[Anonymous]

OP, e fact that you refer to this woman as your half sister, even though you grew up together, tells me that life in your home was very divisive. I'm not sure if this is a case of your mom and step mom having a "love child" (ie. Your sister) or whatever, but it seems that the family dynamics have done a lot of damage.

I have half brothers that I raised due to my mother's alcoholism and mental illness. In face, their father is now my ex stepfather. These boys are, and are forever, my brothers. There is no half way.

The fact that you refer to your mother and step father as "bio" also confuses the issue, and infers a lot of pain.

You need therapy. Al-anon is a good place to start as its free, and there are all kinds of people who Are dealing with all kinds of family dynamics. But you need to let go and work on yourself. Your posts show someone who is in a lot of pain- and it really isn't over your sister.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, e fact that you refer to this woman as your half sister, even though you grew up together, tells me that life in your home was very divisive. I'm not sure if this is a case of your mom and step mom having a "love child" (ie. Your sister) or whatever, but it seems that the family dynamics have done a lot of damage.

I have half brothers that I raised due to my mother's alcoholism and mental illness. In face, their father is now my ex stepfather. These boys are, and are forever, my brothers. There is no half way.

The fact that you refer to your mother and step father as "bio" also confuses the issue, and infers a lot of pain.

You need therapy. Al-anon is a good place to start as its free, and there are all kinds of people who Are dealing with all kinds of family dynamics. But you need to let go and work on yourself. Your posts show someone who is in a lot of pain- and it really isn't over your sister.

I am only referring to them as "bio" and " half-sister" to explain different between parents, etc. I never call her my half-sister in any other situation. I view he as my full sister. The same with my parents, though I do not get along with our mother.

[Anonymous]

She could be bipolar and self medicating.

[Anonymous]

OMG. To all those people out there who didn't understand OP's original description of her family, STFU. Who cares?!! OP, I understood what you were explaining about your relationship to your half sister. You guys share a mom and her dad is your step-dad.

Anyway, I'm sorry to hear you're going through this. It sounds more complicated b/c you mention that your mom has an untreated mental illness.

I have a younger sibling who was spoiled horribly by my late mother, and never held accountable by either parent. Fast forward almost 40 years and he's pretty much a huge train wreck. Never held a job very long, couldn't finish a college degree (given at least 3 different chances at 3 different schools over 7 years) and is now pretty much estranged from everyone.

My sympathies. I don't have any answers for you, other than to say there's very little you can do about an adult relative who is making poor choices. The thing that sucks even more about this is that it causes lasting damage to the rest of the family. If my mom hadn't passed away, I'm sure my parents would be fighting about this even now, with my dad trying to blame all of this on my mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OMG. To all those people out there who didn't understand OP's original description of her family, STFU. Who cares?!! OP, I understood what you were explaining about your relationship to your half sister. You guys share a mom and her dad is your step-dad.

Anyway, I'm sorry to hear you're going through this. It sounds more complicated b/c you mention that your mom has an untreated mental illness.

I have a younger sibling who was spoiled horribly by my late mother, and never held accountable by either parent. Fast forward almost 40 years and he's pretty much a huge train wreck. Never held a job very long, couldn't finish a college degree (given at least 3 different chances at 3 different schools over 7 years) and is now pretty much estranged from everyone.

My sympathies. I don't have any answers for you, other than to say there's very little you can do about an adult relative who is making poor choices. The thing that sucks even more about this is that it causes lasting damage to the rest of the family. If my mom hadn't passed away, I'm sure my parents would be fighting about this even now, with my dad trying to blame all of this on my mom.

The OP shouldn't have gotten snarky about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Substance abuse plus reckless sexual behavior plus intense relationships plus early abandonment by parent plus suicide threats point to possible borderline personality disorder.

Google it.

+1.

I get all the posts about about Al Anon, but just up to a point. They are not always that good where a serious mental health issue is involved.

It is also a dangerous fallacy that people have to hit rock bottom before they can be treated.

It is common for parents to start blaming each other for child's problems when they feel helpless about the trainwreck their child has become.

IMO OP the most you can do right now is to suggest to your parents your sister likely has a serious mental health problem and needs to see a really good psychiatrist for a diagnosis. They should make staying in the house contingent on doing this.

The Atlantic did a really interesting piece on this concept within the last year:
http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2015/04/the-irrationality-of-alcoholics-anonymous/386255/

[Anonymous]

I'm sure that I had older family members concerned about me during my wild/crazy young adulthood. However, unlike Op's sister I was self supporting (full time job, own place, health insurance, car insurance, own car, etc). I hung around with some young adults who like me had their acts together enough to be self supportive and I also hung around with some young adults who continued to live with their parents and became professional partyers with occasional jobs to bring in some fun money.

Looking back (I'm now 50), I think that the ones who were self supporting as young adults fared better. Much better as a matter of fact.