Why don’t schools have stronger policies about redshirting?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Haven’t read the whole thread. OP, the answer is that only weirdos care about redshirting because it’s a non-issue. I assume this thread is full of the usual sheltered anti-redshirting hysterics, but in real life, this is not an issue.

The pro-redshirters are just as crazy.

Agree, though, that irl most people don't care. Outside of private schools that push for redshirting, even in high income areas, only a small portion of the students redshirt.

The people who claim otherwise--that their classrooms are full of Spring redshirters--are either mistaken or outliers.

On DCUM, no, the pro-redshirters are not nearly as crazy. I say that as someone who didn’t redshirt but has read these threads for years. There are occasional crazy redshirters, but they are dwarfed by the insane anti-redshirters. Those people are both nuts and weirdly unable to do math.

Agree nobody cares, though.

Eh, parents who want to redshirt normal, bright children are also the same people who probably had their panties in a bunch when their kid didn't take their first steps on the same day as the kid down the street. Have some faith in your kids.

Likewise, assume parents know their children best and are doing what they think is right. Have some faith, indeed.

It's hard having faith in redshirting parents after reading this thread. I can't decide which one of you is crazier. It's either the person who says they redshirt their kid because being an adult "sucks" and they want to prolong their kid's childhood or maybe it's the parent who said their preschool says she'd rather be traveling the world and practice her second language or maybe it's the person who says redshirting "gives the edge you need to become a champion" or perhaps it the person who said their kid is too smart to move on to the next grade or possibly it's the person who said it's necessary to be good at lacrosse, which is possibly the least competitive sport there is.

No, it’s just you. Obsessed with other people’s kids, assuming the worst intentions of others, gossiping, keeping track of birthdays, and constantly comparing. You never know what people are dealing with or why they do what they do.

Have you not been paying attention? The redshirting people just told you why they do it. No one has the guess or assume anything. Also, let's not forget which group is tracking other children's birthdays. It's not the people who think redshirting is silly.

There are good reasons to redshirt (and generally the school will encourage it when those factors are present) but these threads are always full of crazy, competitive, angry redshirters who are like "you're just mad that you didn't think of it first!" People who redshirt for real, valid reasons don't have to "advocate" for the practice because no one is going to argue that a kid who, for instance, has motor skills delays or selective mutism should be forced to start K at 4 or just-turned 5.

The people who freak out about ANY criticism of redshirting are the people who genuinely just can't bear the thought of their son being the smallest boy in class, or who are using redshirting to make their kid popular (they'll say "confident" but confidence comes from within so that's not it).

DP here

Interesting that you mention selective mutism. Every child is different but selective mutism is not a delay, it's an anxiety disorder, and it's treatable. Without treatment you could wait years for it to go away on its own and then potentially face other mental health issues.

I would be concerned about deciding to redshirt based on this. My kid had selective mutism. We treated it in the preschool years. She was definitely ready for K on time and loved it. Holding her back a year would have been a huge disservice to her. I do recognize getting the treatment is really difficult and hard to find trained providers that take insurance but I'm not sure that redshirting solves anything and could cause harm.

PP here. My kid also had selective mutism in preschool which is why it's top of mind for me. We also did not redshirt, but instead worked with the school and it resolved towards the end of PK4 and into the beginning of K. But we were at an elementary school with integrated PK, so the problem was identified after she was already enrolled in her elementary school and we were able to work with the same people who would be handling it as she entered upper grades. But I can imagine a situation where a family is at a separate PK and wants to remain there until they see improvement. Since it does stem from anxiety, I could see being reluctant, for good reasons, to move a child dealing with that from a preschool environment that is at least familiar, to an elementary school that will be brand new. Especially when the added academic expectations of K are added on.

But yes, it's a very case by case situation and one I'd want to discuss with the school and our doctor and make a judgement call based on the nuances of the particular case. Which is why, even though we didn't redshirt our kid in that situation (also a summer birthday), I wouldn't judge other parents for doing so.

But that's so different than most of the reasons for redshirting on this thread, which seem to be more about trying to optimize a child's school experience from the first second in order to ensure they become a specific kind of student and adult -- popular, "a leader", dominant.

I agree that these are difficult choices and do not judge but I personally (not as an expert but as a parent with experience with this) don't think redshirting for selective mutism is something that should be recommended to families. It is a challenging situation for sure. Definitely the most challenging and painful part of my parenting journey and our child was later diagnosed with autism, which has been far less distressing for us and less acutely impairing for our child. So I have nothing but empathy for parents going through this.

This is a wild statement to make as a black-and-white, across-the-board recommendation. No nuance at all.

It's just my opinion based on my experience, as I said. I say it because I don't want people reading this to think they need to redshirt their kids because they have selective mutism. Do any experts recommend redshirting a kid for this?

I really think it's a case by case basis.

My kid only had one year of preschool due to Covid. I discovered that one year of preschool really compresses the time you have to prep a child for elementary if a problem arises that requires a diagnosis and therapies. So I can easily see a situation where the selective mutism is not caught until a month or two into the PK4 year (selective mutism is almost always viewed as simply shyness or being slow to warm at first, unless the child already has an ASD or similar diagnosis, and it's only after all the other kids have acclimated and the teachers realize it can't just be shyness that it gets flagged). Then you have the time it takes for diagnosis and therapy. If it was April or May prior to the K year, and the child was diagnosed but still not talking at all in class, I think there is a decent argument for retaining in preschool. Both because it will be easier to start K if the selective mutism is totally over, and also because at that point I may be concerned that the preparation for K that most kids receive in preschool won't be there for this particular kid.

Not an issue for kids who get more than a year of preschool, but there are plenty who don't for a variety of reasons. Selective mutism is a special case because it will not emerge until a child is in some kind of classroom environment, and it's also hard for parents to spot because these kids talk at home so you really need the daycare or preschool teachers to be prepared to flag it. Some are better at this than others, and it can also depend on the environment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Haven’t read the whole thread. OP, the answer is that only weirdos care about redshirting because it’s a non-issue. I assume this thread is full of the usual sheltered anti-redshirting hysterics, but in real life, this is not an issue.

The pro-redshirters are just as crazy.

Agree, though, that irl most people don't care. Outside of private schools that push for redshirting, even in high income areas, only a small portion of the students redshirt.

The people who claim otherwise--that their classrooms are full of Spring redshirters--are either mistaken or outliers.

On DCUM, no, the pro-redshirters are not nearly as crazy. I say that as someone who didn’t redshirt but has read these threads for years. There are occasional crazy redshirters, but they are dwarfed by the insane anti-redshirters. Those people are both nuts and weirdly unable to do math.

Agree nobody cares, though.

Eh, parents who want to redshirt normal, bright children are also the same people who probably had their panties in a bunch when their kid didn't take their first steps on the same day as the kid down the street. Have some faith in your kids.

Likewise, assume parents know their children best and are doing what they think is right. Have some faith, indeed.

It's hard having faith in redshirting parents after reading this thread. I can't decide which one of you is crazier. It's either the person who says they redshirt their kid because being an adult "sucks" and they want to prolong their kid's childhood or maybe it's the parent who said their preschool says she'd rather be traveling the world and practice her second language or maybe it's the person who says redshirting "gives the edge you need to become a champion" or perhaps it the person who said their kid is too smart to move on to the next grade or possibly it's the person who said it's necessary to be good at lacrosse, which is possibly the least competitive sport there is.

No, it’s just you. Obsessed with other people’s kids, assuming the worst intentions of others, gossiping, keeping track of birthdays, and constantly comparing. You never know what people are dealing with or why they do what they do.

Have you not been paying attention? The redshirting people just told you why they do it. No one has the guess or assume anything. Also, let's not forget which group is tracking other children's birthdays. It's not the people who think redshirting is silly.

There are good reasons to redshirt (and generally the school will encourage it when those factors are present) but these threads are always full of crazy, competitive, angry redshirters who are like "you're just mad that you didn't think of it first!" People who redshirt for real, valid reasons don't have to "advocate" for the practice because no one is going to argue that a kid who, for instance, has motor skills delays or selective mutism should be forced to start K at 4 or just-turned 5.

The people who freak out about ANY criticism of redshirting are the people who genuinely just can't bear the thought of their son being the smallest boy in class, or who are using redshirting to make their kid popular (they'll say "confident" but confidence comes from within so that's not it).

DP here

Interesting that you mention selective mutism. Every child is different but selective mutism is not a delay, it's an anxiety disorder, and it's treatable. Without treatment you could wait years for it to go away on its own and then potentially face other mental health issues.

I would be concerned about deciding to redshirt based on this. My kid had selective mutism. We treated it in the preschool years. She was definitely ready for K on time and loved it. Holding her back a year would have been a huge disservice to her. I do recognize getting the treatment is really difficult and hard to find trained providers that take insurance but I'm not sure that redshirting solves anything and could cause harm.

PP here. My kid also had selective mutism in preschool which is why it's top of mind for me. We also did not redshirt, but instead worked with the school and it resolved towards the end of PK4 and into the beginning of K. But we were at an elementary school with integrated PK, so the problem was identified after she was already enrolled in her elementary school and we were able to work with the same people who would be handling it as she entered upper grades. But I can imagine a situation where a family is at a separate PK and wants to remain there until they see improvement. Since it does stem from anxiety, I could see being reluctant, for good reasons, to move a child dealing with that from a preschool environment that is at least familiar, to an elementary school that will be brand new. Especially when the added academic expectations of K are added on.

But yes, it's a very case by case situation and one I'd want to discuss with the school and our doctor and make a judgement call based on the nuances of the particular case. Which is why, even though we didn't redshirt our kid in that situation (also a summer birthday), I wouldn't judge other parents for doing so.

But that's so different than most of the reasons for redshirting on this thread, which seem to be more about trying to optimize a child's school experience from the first second in order to ensure they become a specific kind of student and adult -- popular, "a leader", dominant.

I agree that these are difficult choices and do not judge but I personally (not as an expert but as a parent with experience with this) don't think redshirting for selective mutism is something that should be recommended to families. It is a challenging situation for sure. Definitely the most challenging and painful part of my parenting journey and our child was later diagnosed with autism, which has been far less distressing for us and less acutely impairing for our child. So I have nothing but empathy for parents going through this.

This is a wild statement to make as a black-and-white, across-the-board recommendation. No nuance at all.

It's just my opinion based on my experience, as I said. I say it because I don't want people reading this to think they need to redshirt their kids because they have selective mutism. Do any experts recommend redshirting a kid for this?

I really think it's a case by case basis.

My kid only had one year of preschool due to Covid. I discovered that one year of preschool really compresses the time you have to prep a child for elementary if a problem arises that requires a diagnosis and therapies. So I can easily see a situation where the selective mutism is not caught until a month or two into the PK4 year (selective mutism is almost always viewed as simply shyness or being slow to warm at first, unless the child already has an ASD or similar diagnosis, and it's only after all the other kids have acclimated and the teachers realize it can't just be shyness that it gets flagged). Then you have the time it takes for diagnosis and therapy. If it was April or May prior to the K year, and the child was diagnosed but still not talking at all in class, I think there is a decent argument for retaining in preschool. Both because it will be easier to start K if the selective mutism is totally over, and also because at that point I may be concerned that the preparation for K that most kids receive in preschool won't be there for this particular kid.

Not an issue for kids who get more than a year of preschool, but there are plenty who don't for a variety of reasons. Selective mutism is a special case because it will not emerge until a child is in some kind of classroom environment, and it's also hard for parents to spot because these kids talk at home so you really need the daycare or preschool teachers to be prepared to flag it. Some are better at this than others, and it can also depend on the environment.

So you didn't redshirt your kid, and no therapist suggested you do, but you are here saying parents of other children with selective mutism should consider it? Look I'm not saying I judge parents who make this choice, but it doesn't seem like the right approach to me. Personally it seems the biggest issue is public schools tend not to allow private therapists in the school and limit parent access which can stand in the way of treatment, but in that case I'd seek out a supporting private kindergarten.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A 32 page thread for this issue? Again?

Why do people care about this issue so much? For background: I have 3 kids (none of whom are redshirted) but are all in the oldest half of their grade due to their birthdates. If I had a summer birthday kid, I definitely would’ve considered redshirting. Among people we know, it seems to be about 50/50 (redshirted vs non) for summer birthdays. I don’t know any kids with NON summer birthdays who are redshirted with the exception of one kid with a medical issue.

Why do people on DCUM care so much about this? Can someone explain to me how, exactly, this issue matters to you and/or your kid? I genuinely don’t understand it. The only argument I’ve heard is that it “having older kids in K increases expectations for everyone in K”….but unfortunately I think kindergarten is not ever going to back to “how it used to be” (and should be). As an individual parent, there is nothing one can do to change the K standards. To do so would require a huge campaign for change, and 95%+ parents simply do not care about this issue to bother (same as any other issue concerning public schools, it seems).

Because people feel their non-redshirted kid is getting overshadowed or would somehow rank high in their class, have that AAP spot, or be first string on varsity if it weren’t for all those redshirted kids. This isn’t true…but it’s how these specific parents here feel. Then there is a subset of the anti redshirt parents that have adult kids, that haven’t been in the elementary scene in decades (unless you count their grands) that feel “well back when my kids were in K…” and like to insert their irrelevant, dated opinion.

These old kids typically fall into two camps: high achievers who actually do experience the advantage of having a more mature brain, and low achievers who get thrown off balance by being placed with kids who are too young for them. The second camp is often kids who were redshirted for having issues that weren't properly addressed.

When your kid falls into the first camp, great! You become a rabid pro-redshirter. Unfortunately there are lot of kids in the second camp too, causing disruption for everyone in class, even for the other high achieving redshirted kids. People only see the benefits of redshirting when their own kid personally benefitted from it. But that doesn't mean there don't exist kids whose issues were exacerbated by redshirting. That is why people are saying not to use redshirting as a cure all. Use your head.

Redshirting is so common in your area that you have a sample size of 6-10 redshirted kids redshirted kids per classroom to make generalized observations like this?

We do, there were at least 6/12 boys redshirted in my son’s classroom of 21 kids. For me it’s the sports thing that bothered me the most. I just think kids should have to compete with their age. 16 months can be a big gap in ability at age 8.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A 32 page thread for this issue? Again?

Why do people care about this issue so much? For background: I have 3 kids (none of whom are redshirted) but are all in the oldest half of their grade due to their birthdates. If I had a summer birthday kid, I definitely would’ve considered redshirting. Among people we know, it seems to be about 50/50 (redshirted vs non) for summer birthdays. I don’t know any kids with NON summer birthdays who are redshirted with the exception of one kid with a medical issue.

Why do people on DCUM care so much about this? Can someone explain to me how, exactly, this issue matters to you and/or your kid? I genuinely don’t understand it. The only argument I’ve heard is that it “having older kids in K increases expectations for everyone in K”….but unfortunately I think kindergarten is not ever going to back to “how it used to be” (and should be). As an individual parent, there is nothing one can do to change the K standards. To do so would require a huge campaign for change, and 95%+ parents simply do not care about this issue to bother (same as any other issue concerning public schools, it seems).

Because people feel their non-redshirted kid is getting overshadowed or would somehow rank high in their class, have that AAP spot, or be first string on varsity if it weren’t for all those redshirted kids. This isn’t true…but it’s how these specific parents here feel. Then there is a subset of the anti redshirt parents that have adult kids, that haven’t been in the elementary scene in decades (unless you count their grands) that feel “well back when my kids were in K…” and like to insert their irrelevant, dated opinion.

I don’t think it’s the hyper-competitive stuff (AAP, Varsity) that had people anxious. I think it’s that they know their kids are in competition with children whose parents have more resources than they do. A year of PreK, more tutors/coaches, more enrichment. They thought they were at one end of the bell curve and have found themselves in the middle or on the other side and it’s frightening.

OP says in the first post that they would have redshirted too if she had known people in her school were redshirting Spring birthdays. It doesn't sound like they have less resources than other parents in their local school.

I think that supports my point. The parents who *did* red shirt didn’t wait to see what other children were doing. Their decision was based on an optimal environment for their child, with no consideration of resources.

Her decision was based on what the majority of people were doing. To assume resources were a consideration, when it's never mentioned, is a stretch.

Parents who redshirt are concerned primarily about their kids fitting in socially. Sounds like OP was too.

I think this is the dichotomy that creates problems. It's not so much redshirters v. non-redshirters. It's people who are angling for an advantage for their kids versus people who want a healthy childhood environment. I fall in the second camp and think it's both redshirters and non-redshirters who are seeking advantages who create the conflict.

The advantage seekers who redshirt do it specifically because they want their kids to be oldest, to be leaders, to have an edge in sports and academics if possible. The advantage seekers who don't redshirt feel threatened by this and freak out about it, and these people fight with each other.

On the other side, those of us who just want healthy educational environments don't fight with each other whether we redshirt or not, because we have the same goal -- a positive environment. My kid isn't redshirted but I don't have any issue with redshirted kids as long as the goal is for all the kids to get what they need in the classroom. All the redshirted kids I know are great (I only know a few) and positive additions to the classroom. I don't get the feeling their parents are trying to get them ahead, only that they were worried they weren't ready for K so held them back a year. NBD.

That first group will never be happy no matter what the rule is because they are all in competition with each other and all deeply insecure and everything is motivated by trying to get their kid to the front of the line. They are also the people who lose their minds over age cut offs in summer swim and other sports. They are crazy!

Insightful comment. I actually would add another group that’s a problem: the equality seekers who somehow believe redshirting gives an advantage.

I think you’re right on this. I don’t say much to anyone but deep down I just feel it’s unfair and that really bothers me.

[Anonymous]

And when I saw sports are unfair, he was the only one of his friends who didn’t make a basketball team they tried out for, at age 8. All of his friends who made it are at least a full year older. It obviously does not matter at all but seeing your kid feel disappointed can be hurtful for parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Whatever you may think of it, the trend in public education in the last few years is towards greater, and not less, parent choice. It’s safe to assume redshirting will continue or increase, and so smart parents will work with their children to make sure they can thrive with peers across several years. Stomping feet and hoping that someone makes it so you can control the choices other families make is unlikely to help.

I think you mean privileged parents, not smart parents. This entire thread is so bananas. Plenty of smart parents dont have an extra years worth of childcare funds to throw around. Literally timed my second kid to be born in early september so they will still be 2 for their first week of dcps pk3 and save our family thousands of dollars. Hope i didnt ruin their chances at being a successful contributor to society!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whatever you may think of it, the trend in public education in the last few years is towards greater, and not less, parent choice. It’s safe to assume redshirting will continue or increase, and so smart parents will work with their children to make sure they can thrive with peers across several years. Stomping feet and hoping that someone makes it so you can control the choices other families make is unlikely to help.

I think you mean privileged parents, not smart parents. This entire thread is so bananas. Plenty of smart parents dont have an extra years worth of childcare funds to throw around. Literally timed my second kid to be born in early september so they will still be 2 for their first week of dcps pk3 and save our family thousands of dollars. Hope i didnt ruin their chances at being a successful contributor to society!

No, I mean smart. Knowing you’re sending your daughter early, you have time to help her understand kids will be older than her and that she may need to work harder to keep up. Better she’s ready for the challenge then obsessed by the “unfairness” of her experience as other parents are clearly telling their children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whatever you may think of it, the trend in public education in the last few years is towards greater, and not less, parent choice. It’s safe to assume redshirting will continue or increase, and so smart parents will work with their children to make sure they can thrive with peers across several years. Stomping feet and hoping that someone makes it so you can control the choices other families make is unlikely to help.

I think you mean privileged parents, not smart parents. This entire thread is so bananas. Plenty of smart parents dont have an extra years worth of childcare funds to throw around. Literally timed my second kid to be born in early september so they will still be 2 for their first week of dcps pk3 and save our family thousands of dollars. Hope i didnt ruin their chances at being a successful contributor to society!

No, I mean smart. Knowing you’re sending your daughter early, you have time to help her understand kids will be older than her and that she may need to work harder to keep up. Better she’s ready for the challenge then obsessed by the “unfairness” of her experience as other parents are clearly telling their children.

I think i was blinded by the ridiculousness of this thread that I didnt actually read your comment. I agree with you and I also need to stop posting here when I should be asleep!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whatever you may think of it, the trend in public education in the last few years is towards greater, and not less, parent choice. It’s safe to assume redshirting will continue or increase, and so smart parents will work with their children to make sure they can thrive with peers across several years. Stomping feet and hoping that someone makes it so you can control the choices other families make is unlikely to help.

I think you mean privileged parents, not smart parents. This entire thread is so bananas. Plenty of smart parents dont have an extra years worth of childcare funds to throw around. Literally timed my second kid to be born in early september so they will still be 2 for their first week of dcps pk3 and save our family thousands of dollars. Hope i didnt ruin their chances at being a successful contributor to society!

How privileged of you to be able to so easily plan the birth date of your kid. Infertility privilege.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Haven’t read the whole thread. OP, the answer is that only weirdos care about redshirting because it’s a non-issue. I assume this thread is full of the usual sheltered anti-redshirting hysterics, but in real life, this is not an issue.

The pro-redshirters are just as crazy.

Agree, though, that irl most people don't care. Outside of private schools that push for redshirting, even in high income areas, only a small portion of the students redshirt.

The people who claim otherwise--that their classrooms are full of Spring redshirters--are either mistaken or outliers.

On DCUM, no, the pro-redshirters are not nearly as crazy. I say that as someone who didn’t redshirt but has read these threads for years. There are occasional crazy redshirters, but they are dwarfed by the insane anti-redshirters. Those people are both nuts and weirdly unable to do math.

Agree nobody cares, though.

Eh, parents who want to redshirt normal, bright children are also the same people who probably had their panties in a bunch when their kid didn't take their first steps on the same day as the kid down the street. Have some faith in your kids.

Likewise, assume parents know their children best and are doing what they think is right. Have some faith, indeed.

It's hard having faith in redshirting parents after reading this thread. I can't decide which one of you is crazier. It's either the person who says they redshirt their kid because being an adult "sucks" and they want to prolong their kid's childhood or maybe it's the parent who said their preschool says she'd rather be traveling the world and practice her second language or maybe it's the person who says redshirting "gives the edge you need to become a champion" or perhaps it the person who said their kid is too smart to move on to the next grade or possibly it's the person who said it's necessary to be good at lacrosse, which is possibly the least competitive sport there is.

No, it’s just you. Obsessed with other people’s kids, assuming the worst intentions of others, gossiping, keeping track of birthdays, and constantly comparing. You never know what people are dealing with or why they do what they do.

Have you not been paying attention? The redshirting people just told you why they do it. No one has the guess or assume anything. Also, let's not forget which group is tracking other children's birthdays. It's not the people who think redshirting is silly.

There are good reasons to redshirt (and generally the school will encourage it when those factors are present) but these threads are always full of crazy, competitive, angry redshirters who are like "you're just mad that you didn't think of it first!" People who redshirt for real, valid reasons don't have to "advocate" for the practice because no one is going to argue that a kid who, for instance, has motor skills delays or selective mutism should be forced to start K at 4 or just-turned 5.

The people who freak out about ANY criticism of redshirting are the people who genuinely just can't bear the thought of their son being the smallest boy in class, or who are using redshirting to make their kid popular (they'll say "confident" but confidence comes from within so that's not it).

DP here

Interesting that you mention selective mutism. Every child is different but selective mutism is not a delay, it's an anxiety disorder, and it's treatable. Without treatment you could wait years for it to go away on its own and then potentially face other mental health issues.

I would be concerned about deciding to redshirt based on this. My kid had selective mutism. We treated it in the preschool years. She was definitely ready for K on time and loved it. Holding her back a year would have been a huge disservice to her. I do recognize getting the treatment is really difficult and hard to find trained providers that take insurance but I'm not sure that redshirting solves anything and could cause harm.

PP here. My kid also had selective mutism in preschool which is why it's top of mind for me. We also did not redshirt, but instead worked with the school and it resolved towards the end of PK4 and into the beginning of K. But we were at an elementary school with integrated PK, so the problem was identified after she was already enrolled in her elementary school and we were able to work with the same people who would be handling it as she entered upper grades. But I can imagine a situation where a family is at a separate PK and wants to remain there until they see improvement. Since it does stem from anxiety, I could see being reluctant, for good reasons, to move a child dealing with that from a preschool environment that is at least familiar, to an elementary school that will be brand new. Especially when the added academic expectations of K are added on.

But yes, it's a very case by case situation and one I'd want to discuss with the school and our doctor and make a judgement call based on the nuances of the particular case. Which is why, even though we didn't redshirt our kid in that situation (also a summer birthday), I wouldn't judge other parents for doing so.

But that's so different than most of the reasons for redshirting on this thread, which seem to be more about trying to optimize a child's school experience from the first second in order to ensure they become a specific kind of student and adult -- popular, "a leader", dominant.

I agree that these are difficult choices and do not judge but I personally (not as an expert but as a parent with experience with this) don't think redshirting for selective mutism is something that should be recommended to families. It is a challenging situation for sure. Definitely the most challenging and painful part of my parenting journey and our child was later diagnosed with autism, which has been far less distressing for us and less acutely impairing for our child. So I have nothing but empathy for parents going through this.

This is a wild statement to make as a black-and-white, across-the-board recommendation. No nuance at all.

It's just my opinion based on my experience, as I said. I say it because I don't want people reading this to think they need to redshirt their kids because they have selective mutism. Do any experts recommend redshirting a kid for this?

I really think it's a case by case basis.

My kid only had one year of preschool due to Covid. I discovered that one year of preschool really compresses the time you have to prep a child for elementary if a problem arises that requires a diagnosis and therapies. So I can easily see a situation where the selective mutism is not caught until a month or two into the PK4 year (selective mutism is almost always viewed as simply shyness or being slow to warm at first, unless the child already has an ASD or similar diagnosis, and it's only after all the other kids have acclimated and the teachers realize it can't just be shyness that it gets flagged). Then you have the time it takes for diagnosis and therapy. If it was April or May prior to the K year, and the child was diagnosed but still not talking at all in class, I think there is a decent argument for retaining in preschool. Both because it will be easier to start K if the selective mutism is totally over, and also because at that point I may be concerned that the preparation for K that most kids receive in preschool won't be there for this particular kid.

Not an issue for kids who get more than a year of preschool, but there are plenty who don't for a variety of reasons. Selective mutism is a special case because it will not emerge until a child is in some kind of classroom environment, and it's also hard for parents to spot because these kids talk at home so you really need the daycare or preschool teachers to be prepared to flag it. Some are better at this than others, and it can also depend on the environment.

So you didn't redshirt your kid, and no therapist suggested you do, but you are here saying parents of other children with selective mutism should consider it? Look I'm not saying I judge parents who make this choice, but it doesn't seem like the right approach to me. Personally it seems the biggest issue is public schools tend not to allow private therapists in the school and limit parent access which can stand in the way of treatment, but in that case I'd seek out a supporting private kindergarten.

Just as a real life example, my brother was a redshirted summer birthday. He didn't have selective mutism, but did have very, very significant speech issues that made him unintelligible to everyone except my mom. He also had a lot of OT issues and was in therapy. My parents redshirted him while getting him intensive speech and OT.

When he started kindergarten as a young 6 yo, he'd gotten to the point that he could be understood, could hold and write with a pencil, could open his lunch box, put on his shoes and coat, and use the restroom independently. All things that weren't possible when he was a young 5 yo and supposed to start K.

He ended up not having any significant learning disabilities and grew out of his delays by late elementary. He won the student-athlete award as a senior in high school and then got a BS in science.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A 32 page thread for this issue? Again?

Why do people care about this issue so much? For background: I have 3 kids (none of whom are redshirted) but are all in the oldest half of their grade due to their birthdates. If I had a summer birthday kid, I definitely would’ve considered redshirting. Among people we know, it seems to be about 50/50 (redshirted vs non) for summer birthdays. I don’t know any kids with NON summer birthdays who are redshirted with the exception of one kid with a medical issue.

Why do people on DCUM care so much about this? Can someone explain to me how, exactly, this issue matters to you and/or your kid? I genuinely don’t understand it. The only argument I’ve heard is that it “having older kids in K increases expectations for everyone in K”….but unfortunately I think kindergarten is not ever going to back to “how it used to be” (and should be). As an individual parent, there is nothing one can do to change the K standards. To do so would require a huge campaign for change, and 95%+ parents simply do not care about this issue to bother (same as any other issue concerning public schools, it seems).

Because people feel their non-redshirted kid is getting overshadowed or would somehow rank high in their class, have that AAP spot, or be first string on varsity if it weren’t for all those redshirted kids. This isn’t true…but it’s how these specific parents here feel. Then there is a subset of the anti redshirt parents that have adult kids, that haven’t been in the elementary scene in decades (unless you count their grands) that feel “well back when my kids were in K…” and like to insert their irrelevant, dated opinion.

These old kids typically fall into two camps: high achievers who actually do experience the advantage of having a more mature brain, and low achievers who get thrown off balance by being placed with kids who are too young for them. The second camp is often kids who were redshirted for having issues that weren't properly addressed.

When your kid falls into the first camp, great! You become a rabid pro-redshirter. Unfortunately there are lot of kids in the second camp too, causing disruption for everyone in class, even for the other high achieving redshirted kids. People only see the benefits of redshirting when their own kid personally benefitted from it. But that doesn't mean there don't exist kids whose issues were exacerbated by redshirting. That is why people are saying not to use redshirting as a cure all. Use your head.

Redshirting is so common in your area that you have a sample size of 6-10 redshirted kids redshirted kids per classroom to make generalized observations like this?

We do, there were at least 6/12 boys redshirted in my son’s classroom of 21 kids. For me it’s the sports thing that bothered me the most. I just think kids should have to compete with their age. 16 months can be a big gap in ability at age 8.

Many sports have moved to grouping by birth year and not grade.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Haven’t read the whole thread. OP, the answer is that only weirdos care about redshirting because it’s a non-issue. I assume this thread is full of the usual sheltered anti-redshirting hysterics, but in real life, this is not an issue.

The pro-redshirters are just as crazy.

Agree, though, that irl most people don't care. Outside of private schools that push for redshirting, even in high income areas, only a small portion of the students redshirt.

The people who claim otherwise--that their classrooms are full of Spring redshirters--are either mistaken or outliers.

On DCUM, no, the pro-redshirters are not nearly as crazy. I say that as someone who didn’t redshirt but has read these threads for years. There are occasional crazy redshirters, but they are dwarfed by the insane anti-redshirters. Those people are both nuts and weirdly unable to do math.

Agree nobody cares, though.

Eh, parents who want to redshirt normal, bright children are also the same people who probably had their panties in a bunch when their kid didn't take their first steps on the same day as the kid down the street. Have some faith in your kids.

Likewise, assume parents know their children best and are doing what they think is right. Have some faith, indeed.

It's hard having faith in redshirting parents after reading this thread. I can't decide which one of you is crazier. It's either the person who says they redshirt their kid because being an adult "sucks" and they want to prolong their kid's childhood or maybe it's the parent who said their preschool says she'd rather be traveling the world and practice her second language or maybe it's the person who says redshirting "gives the edge you need to become a champion" or perhaps it the person who said their kid is too smart to move on to the next grade or possibly it's the person who said it's necessary to be good at lacrosse, which is possibly the least competitive sport there is.

No, it’s just you. Obsessed with other people’s kids, assuming the worst intentions of others, gossiping, keeping track of birthdays, and constantly comparing. You never know what people are dealing with or why they do what they do.

Have you not been paying attention? The redshirting people just told you why they do it. No one has the guess or assume anything. Also, let's not forget which group is tracking other children's birthdays. It's not the people who think redshirting is silly.

There are good reasons to redshirt (and generally the school will encourage it when those factors are present) but these threads are always full of crazy, competitive, angry redshirters who are like "you're just mad that you didn't think of it first!" People who redshirt for real, valid reasons don't have to "advocate" for the practice because no one is going to argue that a kid who, for instance, has motor skills delays or selective mutism should be forced to start K at 4 or just-turned 5.

The people who freak out about ANY criticism of redshirting are the people who genuinely just can't bear the thought of their son being the smallest boy in class, or who are using redshirting to make their kid popular (they'll say "confident" but confidence comes from within so that's not it).

DP here

Interesting that you mention selective mutism. Every child is different but selective mutism is not a delay, it's an anxiety disorder, and it's treatable. Without treatment you could wait years for it to go away on its own and then potentially face other mental health issues.

I would be concerned about deciding to redshirt based on this. My kid had selective mutism. We treated it in the preschool years. She was definitely ready for K on time and loved it. Holding her back a year would have been a huge disservice to her. I do recognize getting the treatment is really difficult and hard to find trained providers that take insurance but I'm not sure that redshirting solves anything and could cause harm.

PP here. My kid also had selective mutism in preschool which is why it's top of mind for me. We also did not redshirt, but instead worked with the school and it resolved towards the end of PK4 and into the beginning of K. But we were at an elementary school with integrated PK, so the problem was identified after she was already enrolled in her elementary school and we were able to work with the same people who would be handling it as she entered upper grades. But I can imagine a situation where a family is at a separate PK and wants to remain there until they see improvement. Since it does stem from anxiety, I could see being reluctant, for good reasons, to move a child dealing with that from a preschool environment that is at least familiar, to an elementary school that will be brand new. Especially when the added academic expectations of K are added on.

But yes, it's a very case by case situation and one I'd want to discuss with the school and our doctor and make a judgement call based on the nuances of the particular case. Which is why, even though we didn't redshirt our kid in that situation (also a summer birthday), I wouldn't judge other parents for doing so.

But that's so different than most of the reasons for redshirting on this thread, which seem to be more about trying to optimize a child's school experience from the first second in order to ensure they become a specific kind of student and adult -- popular, "a leader", dominant.

I agree that these are difficult choices and do not judge but I personally (not as an expert but as a parent with experience with this) don't think redshirting for selective mutism is something that should be recommended to families. It is a challenging situation for sure. Definitely the most challenging and painful part of my parenting journey and our child was later diagnosed with autism, which has been far less distressing for us and less acutely impairing for our child. So I have nothing but empathy for parents going through this.

This is a wild statement to make as a black-and-white, across-the-board recommendation. No nuance at all.

It's just my opinion based on my experience, as I said. I say it because I don't want people reading this to think they need to redshirt their kids because they have selective mutism. Do any experts recommend redshirting a kid for this?

I really think it's a case by case basis.

My kid only had one year of preschool due to Covid. I discovered that one year of preschool really compresses the time you have to prep a child for elementary if a problem arises that requires a diagnosis and therapies. So I can easily see a situation where the selective mutism is not caught until a month or two into the PK4 year (selective mutism is almost always viewed as simply shyness or being slow to warm at first, unless the child already has an ASD or similar diagnosis, and it's only after all the other kids have acclimated and the teachers realize it can't just be shyness that it gets flagged). Then you have the time it takes for diagnosis and therapy. If it was April or May prior to the K year, and the child was diagnosed but still not talking at all in class, I think there is a decent argument for retaining in preschool. Both because it will be easier to start K if the selective mutism is totally over, and also because at that point I may be concerned that the preparation for K that most kids receive in preschool won't be there for this particular kid.

Not an issue for kids who get more than a year of preschool, but there are plenty who don't for a variety of reasons. Selective mutism is a special case because it will not emerge until a child is in some kind of classroom environment, and it's also hard for parents to spot because these kids talk at home so you really need the daycare or preschool teachers to be prepared to flag it. Some are better at this than others, and it can also depend on the environment.

So you didn't redshirt your kid, and no therapist suggested you do, but you are here saying parents of other children with selective mutism should consider it? Look I'm not saying I judge parents who make this choice, but it doesn't seem like the right approach to me. Personally it seems the biggest issue is public schools tend not to allow private therapists in the school and limit parent access which can stand in the way of treatment, but in that case I'd seek out a supporting private kindergarten.

Just as a real life example, my brother was a redshirted summer birthday. He didn't have selective mutism, but did have very, very significant speech issues that made him unintelligible to everyone except my mom. He also had a lot of OT issues and was in therapy. My parents redshirted him while getting him intensive speech and OT.

When he started kindergarten as a young 6 yo, he'd gotten to the point that he could be understood, could hold and write with a pencil, could open his lunch box, put on his shoes and coat, and use the restroom independently. All things that weren't possible when he was a young 5 yo and supposed to start K.

He ended up not having any significant learning disabilities and grew out of his delays by late elementary. He won the student-athlete award as a senior in high school and then got a BS in science.

I'm so glad your brother had a good outcome! What were we talking about again?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A 32 page thread for this issue? Again?

Why do people care about this issue so much? For background: I have 3 kids (none of whom are redshirted) but are all in the oldest half of their grade due to their birthdates. If I had a summer birthday kid, I definitely would’ve considered redshirting. Among people we know, it seems to be about 50/50 (redshirted vs non) for summer birthdays. I don’t know any kids with NON summer birthdays who are redshirted with the exception of one kid with a medical issue.

Why do people on DCUM care so much about this? Can someone explain to me how, exactly, this issue matters to you and/or your kid? I genuinely don’t understand it. The only argument I’ve heard is that it “having older kids in K increases expectations for everyone in K”….but unfortunately I think kindergarten is not ever going to back to “how it used to be” (and should be). As an individual parent, there is nothing one can do to change the K standards. To do so would require a huge campaign for change, and 95%+ parents simply do not care about this issue to bother (same as any other issue concerning public schools, it seems).

Because people feel their non-redshirted kid is getting overshadowed or would somehow rank high in their class, have that AAP spot, or be first string on varsity if it weren’t for all those redshirted kids. This isn’t true…but it’s how these specific parents here feel. Then there is a subset of the anti redshirt parents that have adult kids, that haven’t been in the elementary scene in decades (unless you count their grands) that feel “well back when my kids were in K…” and like to insert their irrelevant, dated opinion.

These old kids typically fall into two camps: high achievers who actually do experience the advantage of having a more mature brain, and low achievers who get thrown off balance by being placed with kids who are too young for them. The second camp is often kids who were redshirted for having issues that weren't properly addressed.

When your kid falls into the first camp, great! You become a rabid pro-redshirter. Unfortunately there are lot of kids in the second camp too, causing disruption for everyone in class, even for the other high achieving redshirted kids. People only see the benefits of redshirting when their own kid personally benefitted from it. But that doesn't mean there don't exist kids whose issues were exacerbated by redshirting. That is why people are saying not to use redshirting as a cure all. Use your head.

Redshirting is so common in your area that you have a sample size of 6-10 redshirted kids redshirted kids per classroom to make generalized observations like this?

We do, there were at least 6/12 boys redshirted in my son’s classroom of 21 kids. For me it’s the sports thing that bothered me the most. I just think kids should have to compete with their age. 16 months can be a big gap in ability at age 8.

Many sports have moved to grouping by birth year and not grade.

Yes, I thought most elementary age sports were grouped by birth date not grade, at least all the sports my kids have done do it that way. Which leagues are doing grouping by grade?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A 32 page thread for this issue? Again?

Why do people care about this issue so much? For background: I have 3 kids (none of whom are redshirted) but are all in the oldest half of their grade due to their birthdates. If I had a summer birthday kid, I definitely would’ve considered redshirting. Among people we know, it seems to be about 50/50 (redshirted vs non) for summer birthdays. I don’t know any kids with NON summer birthdays who are redshirted with the exception of one kid with a medical issue.

Why do people on DCUM care so much about this? Can someone explain to me how, exactly, this issue matters to you and/or your kid? I genuinely don’t understand it. The only argument I’ve heard is that it “having older kids in K increases expectations for everyone in K”….but unfortunately I think kindergarten is not ever going to back to “how it used to be” (and should be). As an individual parent, there is nothing one can do to change the K standards. To do so would require a huge campaign for change, and 95%+ parents simply do not care about this issue to bother (same as any other issue concerning public schools, it seems).

Because people feel their non-redshirted kid is getting overshadowed or would somehow rank high in their class, have that AAP spot, or be first string on varsity if it weren’t for all those redshirted kids. This isn’t true…but it’s how these specific parents here feel. Then there is a subset of the anti redshirt parents that have adult kids, that haven’t been in the elementary scene in decades (unless you count their grands) that feel “well back when my kids were in K…” and like to insert their irrelevant, dated opinion.

These old kids typically fall into two camps: high achievers who actually do experience the advantage of having a more mature brain, and low achievers who get thrown off balance by being placed with kids who are too young for them. The second camp is often kids who were redshirted for having issues that weren't properly addressed.

When your kid falls into the first camp, great! You become a rabid pro-redshirter. Unfortunately there are lot of kids in the second camp too, causing disruption for everyone in class, even for the other high achieving redshirted kids. People only see the benefits of redshirting when their own kid personally benefitted from it. But that doesn't mean there don't exist kids whose issues were exacerbated by redshirting. That is why people are saying not to use redshirting as a cure all. Use your head.

Redshirting is so common in your area that you have a sample size of 6-10 redshirted kids redshirted kids per classroom to make generalized observations like this?

We do, there were at least 6/12 boys redshirted in my son’s classroom of 21 kids. For me it’s the sports thing that bothered me the most. I just think kids should have to compete with their age. 16 months can be a big gap in ability at age 8.

Many sports have moved to grouping by birth year and not grade.

Yes, I thought most elementary age sports were grouped by birth date not grade, at least all the sports my kids have done do it that way. Which leagues are doing grouping by grade?

I guess in-school sports teams? In that case, a senior would have an advantage since s/he would be older than most.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Haven’t read the whole thread. OP, the answer is that only weirdos care about redshirting because it’s a non-issue. I assume this thread is full of the usual sheltered anti-redshirting hysterics, but in real life, this is not an issue.

The pro-redshirters are just as crazy.

Agree, though, that irl most people don't care. Outside of private schools that push for redshirting, even in high income areas, only a small portion of the students redshirt.

The people who claim otherwise--that their classrooms are full of Spring redshirters--are either mistaken or outliers.

On DCUM, no, the pro-redshirters are not nearly as crazy. I say that as someone who didn’t redshirt but has read these threads for years. There are occasional crazy redshirters, but they are dwarfed by the insane anti-redshirters. Those people are both nuts and weirdly unable to do math.

Agree nobody cares, though.

Eh, parents who want to redshirt normal, bright children are also the same people who probably had their panties in a bunch when their kid didn't take their first steps on the same day as the kid down the street. Have some faith in your kids.

Likewise, assume parents know their children best and are doing what they think is right. Have some faith, indeed.

It's hard having faith in redshirting parents after reading this thread. I can't decide which one of you is crazier. It's either the person who says they redshirt their kid because being an adult "sucks" and they want to prolong their kid's childhood or maybe it's the parent who said their preschool says she'd rather be traveling the world and practice her second language or maybe it's the person who says redshirting "gives the edge you need to become a champion" or perhaps it the person who said their kid is too smart to move on to the next grade or possibly it's the person who said it's necessary to be good at lacrosse, which is possibly the least competitive sport there is.

No, it’s just you. Obsessed with other people’s kids, assuming the worst intentions of others, gossiping, keeping track of birthdays, and constantly comparing. You never know what people are dealing with or why they do what they do.

Have you not been paying attention? The redshirting people just told you why they do it. No one has the guess or assume anything. Also, let's not forget which group is tracking other children's birthdays. It's not the people who think redshirting is silly.

There are good reasons to redshirt (and generally the school will encourage it when those factors are present) but these threads are always full of crazy, competitive, angry redshirters who are like "you're just mad that you didn't think of it first!" People who redshirt for real, valid reasons don't have to "advocate" for the practice because no one is going to argue that a kid who, for instance, has motor skills delays or selective mutism should be forced to start K at 4 or just-turned 5.

The people who freak out about ANY criticism of redshirting are the people who genuinely just can't bear the thought of their son being the smallest boy in class, or who are using redshirting to make their kid popular (they'll say "confident" but confidence comes from within so that's not it).

DP here

Interesting that you mention selective mutism. Every child is different but selective mutism is not a delay, it's an anxiety disorder, and it's treatable. Without treatment you could wait years for it to go away on its own and then potentially face other mental health issues.

I would be concerned about deciding to redshirt based on this. My kid had selective mutism. We treated it in the preschool years. She was definitely ready for K on time and loved it. Holding her back a year would have been a huge disservice to her. I do recognize getting the treatment is really difficult and hard to find trained providers that take insurance but I'm not sure that redshirting solves anything and could cause harm.

PP here. My kid also had selective mutism in preschool which is why it's top of mind for me. We also did not redshirt, but instead worked with the school and it resolved towards the end of PK4 and into the beginning of K. But we were at an elementary school with integrated PK, so the problem was identified after she was already enrolled in her elementary school and we were able to work with the same people who would be handling it as she entered upper grades. But I can imagine a situation where a family is at a separate PK and wants to remain there until they see improvement. Since it does stem from anxiety, I could see being reluctant, for good reasons, to move a child dealing with that from a preschool environment that is at least familiar, to an elementary school that will be brand new. Especially when the added academic expectations of K are added on.

But yes, it's a very case by case situation and one I'd want to discuss with the school and our doctor and make a judgement call based on the nuances of the particular case. Which is why, even though we didn't redshirt our kid in that situation (also a summer birthday), I wouldn't judge other parents for doing so.

But that's so different than most of the reasons for redshirting on this thread, which seem to be more about trying to optimize a child's school experience from the first second in order to ensure they become a specific kind of student and adult -- popular, "a leader", dominant.

I agree that these are difficult choices and do not judge but I personally (not as an expert but as a parent with experience with this) don't think redshirting for selective mutism is something that should be recommended to families. It is a challenging situation for sure. Definitely the most challenging and painful part of my parenting journey and our child was later diagnosed with autism, which has been far less distressing for us and less acutely impairing for our child. So I have nothing but empathy for parents going through this.

This is a wild statement to make as a black-and-white, across-the-board recommendation. No nuance at all.

It's just my opinion based on my experience, as I said. I say it because I don't want people reading this to think they need to redshirt their kids because they have selective mutism. Do any experts recommend redshirting a kid for this?

I really think it's a case by case basis.

My kid only had one year of preschool due to Covid. I discovered that one year of preschool really compresses the time you have to prep a child for elementary if a problem arises that requires a diagnosis and therapies. So I can easily see a situation where the selective mutism is not caught until a month or two into the PK4 year (selective mutism is almost always viewed as simply shyness or being slow to warm at first, unless the child already has an ASD or similar diagnosis, and it's only after all the other kids have acclimated and the teachers realize it can't just be shyness that it gets flagged). Then you have the time it takes for diagnosis and therapy. If it was April or May prior to the K year, and the child was diagnosed but still not talking at all in class, I think there is a decent argument for retaining in preschool. Both because it will be easier to start K if the selective mutism is totally over, and also because at that point I may be concerned that the preparation for K that most kids receive in preschool won't be there for this particular kid.

Not an issue for kids who get more than a year of preschool, but there are plenty who don't for a variety of reasons. Selective mutism is a special case because it will not emerge until a child is in some kind of classroom environment, and it's also hard for parents to spot because these kids talk at home so you really need the daycare or preschool teachers to be prepared to flag it. Some are better at this than others, and it can also depend on the environment.

I have a kid with a language disorder. It’s actually the opposite and sending on time opens them up to more academics and supports that a regular preschool will not provide. Many parents take the approach to hold back with no supports or extra help. So you are only delaying help, which means the kids lose a year.

Many kids don’t go to preschool and it’s fine. Part of the prep is parents working with their kids at home.

Selective mutism would start at home with unknown visitors and when you go out. You’d see it before.