What is your relationship like with your inlaws?

[Anonymous]

Do you get along with your inlaws as you do your own parents? Are they good 'grandmas and grandpas' to your kids? How involved are they in your lives? Or is it a good thing they live out of your area?

[Anonymous]

Love mine. They are much warmer and welcoming than my own. But they live on a different continent. Which may or may not be the reason I'm so fond of them. But I do love visiting them.

[Anonymous]

Can't stand my MIL. Wasn't always that way until I realized she could care less about me and only used me as a means to get to her son. That being said, I don't keep her away from her grandkids. I know she loves them and although she may say inappropriate things at times meant to position herself as the "favorite" grandparent (she's local and my folks live on the west coast), I take a deep breath and ignore it. We see her every other weekend (she works) and that's as much as I can handle or make time for. I will say that she will never ever be allowed to have the kids for an overnight or anything extended b/c she does tend to get a bit psycho competitive and in small doses it's tolerable but more than that we'd probably come to blows.

[Anonymous]

We are polite acquaintances. DH has a strained relationship with his father and mother, so I think I have seen them a total of maybe ten times in the decade we have been together. In fact, we have visited them more since we relocated to DC and had our DS than when we lived a few hours from them!

[Anonymous]

Prefer them over my own parents.

[Anonymous]

As distant as possible, but my MIL is borderline and my FIL is emotionally inmature at best, a narcissist at worst, so it is not like they are nice, normal people capable of having a normal relationship.

[Anonymous]

My MIL is a complete nightmare. We keep our distance, even though she lives 30min away. She is one of those people who LOVE complaining and LOVE living in conflict. We refuse to engage her in her trash talk, so we are of no interest to her. She also makes a career of suing people she has sued her sister, a doctor, and an auto insurance company IMO they were frivolous losses and none went to court, all were settled with cash pay outs in the thousands. She is the laziest SAHM I have ever seen in my life, I suppose this is how she is earning her keep. My husband turned out normal, but her two daughters are on the fast track to pole dancing, and porn. One of them has a mess of VDs and continues to be excessively promiscuous, going as far as hitting on my brother and any single man, and does not hold back even when invited to our house for a party. She makes my brother extremely nervous, especially since she started this in with him when she was 15 and he was 21, he now won't come over when she is going to be around, my DH is completely ashamed. She now has decided that she likes men and women and is just spreading her diseases to anyone who pays her any attention (she is only 20), I feel bad for her unsuspecting partners.

I love my DH, but unfortunately his family is not as great as him. My MIL makes snide comments when we buy something new or have spent money on home improvements, she is very jealous that we have more disposable income than her (maybe if she did not collect so many unicorns and “precious moments” then she would have more money). It is very strange. My mom has NO money and works her butt off at a retail store to make ends meet and is always happy for us, I just don't understand.

It may appear that I care about my MIL, but I really don't. I'm just glad that she is so self-absorbed that she keeps her distance. I feel bad for my husband because he has really disengaged and seems to have bonded more with my mom than his own. Even agreeing to have my mom come live with us if this economy causes her to lose her job, he would never say the same about his mom and frequently tells me she is his sister’s problem. I’m not sure how I’m going to answer my son’s questions about his grandma and her behavior, I think I’m just going to let him figure it out on his own, because I don’t want to color his opinion of her with my own. He’s a smart kid and will probably catch on to her pretty quick.

[Anonymous]

DD's father and I were never married and we split up while pregnant, but his parents have been wonderful and I call them my in-laws. From the beginning, they were really excited about having a granddaughter, and they've been great ever since. They visit every couple months, but they never overstep their boundaries and they make me feel welcome in their family. Sometimes it makes me sad that I'm not married to their son, because I feel like it would be hard to get better in-laws!

[Anonymous]

Struggle with my MIL, but have grown the hell up and realized she is who she is and it is OKAY. She is VERY good to my children and loves them to pieces, so I have gotten over my own issues with her. I adore my FIL, he is the bomb. He, too, LOVES my kids.

They live two doors away. That COULD have something to do with how complicated the relationship is!!!

[Anonymous]

We have a polite relationship but they both drive me nuts. They always offer to babysit but are never available when we ask. Once I asked a month in advance so we could celebrate my birthday with an adult dinner. Their reply was something about waiting until closer to the date to confirm in case something came up. They live 20 minutes away and hardly ever see my DS. Overall, probably a good thing. But I wish they would lose the feeling that they are such great grandparents. When we are together all they care about is getting a picture of them with my DS. Once the picture is taken, they go about their own agendas, hardly interacting with their grandson at all. My own parents live 400 miles away and still see my DS more often than the in-laws do. How my husband turned out so normal is beyond me. Thanks for letting me vent.

[Anonymous]

I am a PP, and PP. I hear you. I finally let go ANY thoughts of the IL's actually helping me. When you take them off the table, it is liberating. Sometimes they want to help, sometimes they do not, but I DO NOT rely on them. Just better that way.

I, too, cannot believe my DH is normal.

[Anonymous]

Used to love the ILs and felt very lucky, but now there's mutual distrust and dislike, ever since DS was born.

Turned out I was just a vessel to incubate their grandchild and I need to get out of the way now and not in -ANY- way hinder access to their new little "son," redux.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have a polite relationship but they both drive me nuts. They always offer to babysit but are never available when we ask. Once I asked a month in advance so we could celebrate my birthday with an adult dinner. Their reply was something about waiting until closer to the date to confirm in case something came up. They live 20 minutes away and hardly ever see my DS. Overall, probably a good thing. But I wish they would lose the feeling that they are such great grandparents. When we are together all they care about is getting a picture of them with my DS. Once the picture is taken, they go about their own agendas, hardly interacting with their grandson at all. My own parents live 400 miles away and still see my DS more often than the in-laws do. How my husband turned out so normal is beyond me. Thanks for letting me vent.

SAME exact thing here. My MIL has watched my now 3yr old a handful of times and once put the diaper on backwards!

My mom lives 7,000 miles away and has spent more time with her grandson.

[Anonymous]

My in-laws have completely forgotten what it is like to have a child. They make dinner reservations for 8:45PM but then are mad when we decline to join them with our 16 month-old. My MIL bought him a beach outfit for a weekend trip together. He was 7 months old at the time, and the outfit was for a two-year-old. She was upset that he did not wear it that weekend. She gave him Peeps yesterday but could not understand why I would not feed them to my DS. Due to examples like these, my MIL thinks I'm too controlling.

[Anonymous]

My MIL is clueless and helpless. She cannot solve the simplest problem, but she is harmless. She adores her grandchild and showers our daughter with love.