What is your relationship like with your inlaws?

[Anonymous]

My MIL is a PIA and is constantly looking for attention. She is patient zero of munchausen's proxy. We used to get along okay when it was just us, and I used to make a huge effort when they came to visit but the criticism just became too much for me to take. Now I make half the effort. Stress level is also high because DH freaks out the week before they arrive.

[Anonymous]

the majority of these posts are very concerning to me. Those of us with sons are screwed because it appears that most likely our future DILs will hate us and think we carry some psychiatric diagnosis.

[Anonymous]

My in-laws are just ok. They are good to ds, in limited doses. They haven't offered to babysit at all, but have stepped in when dh needed some help, so that's ok.

[Anonymous]

I am much closer to my parents than my inlaws. My parents live 10 minutes away. My inlaws live 12 hours away. My husband and I grew up together and our parents were always good friends. I consider myself very close to my inlaws. But, my DH and I always say the best thing that could have happened to help our relationship with his side of the family remain strong is the fact that they moved 12 hours away! We love our visits with them. And we love when they are over!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:the majority of these posts are very concerning to me. Those of us with sons are screwed because it appears that most likely our future DILs will hate us and think we carry some psychiatric diagnosis.

Just don't show up with a neck brace or cane, that miraculously disappears for good ten minutes after you're in the house; self-diagnosis yourself with macular degeneration and wear your sunglasses for a year to learn that you can see fine; believe that there is a unique heart disease to you and your relatives that everyone must be tested for; or, take your adult child to multiple doctors and obtain meds without telling the physicians you're seeing more than one. I could go on but I'll leave it at that.

[Anonymous]

My in-laws live over a thousand miles away and we don't get to see them often enough. My MIL is a very different personality type than me and can sometimes be manipulative and controlling, but I'm not perfect either. I'm also not one to "take it," so we've had some run-ins. I sometimes know for a fact that I am not the type of woman she would have chosen for her son. At the same time, her support for my husband carries over to support for me, because she knows I make him happy and she respects her marriage. I care for her a lot and like her. She's a fun person, even if she sometimes gets on my nerves a little bit. Given our personality difference, we've had some ups and downs and even a few run-ins, but generally speaking we enjoy our time with one another. I wish they lived closer because I enjoy the sense of family we get when we're all together and think we would be closer if she lived nearby. I have tried hard to spend time with her solo (as in, not with my DH), but she has rebuffed a few attempts I've made to "hang out." This really, really hurt my feelings until once we forgot something on our way out of their house and had to drive back. When we came back she was crying because she gets so sad when we leave. I'm sure it's my DH she misses, but that's okay, she's his mom. It made me realize that maybe she's not trying to rebuff me personally, but rather just wants to do things that involve DH as well, since we only see them 4-5 times a year. All of this said, every once in a while she pulls a move that infuriates me! But I just let her know where I draw the line and we both move on. I'd say we have a very functional relationship and I think we'll probably continue to get closer. My baby is only on the way but I guarantee she'll be a great grandma. We may have to put our foot down on some of the more intense spoiling and extravagance, but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. As far as my FIL goes, he's aces. Love him to death.

[Anonymous]

My mother in-law drives me a bit nuts, my father in-law is mostly lovely. But they are fantastic with our kids, much better than mine, and for that I love them. They kidnap the kids in the morning after they wake up and take them into bed, they buy special books to read them at story time, they have fantastic phone conversations. It is lovely. The relationship with the kids is so much more important than the relationship with me. They do also bend over backwards, as do my parents, to not get in our way. I think it comes from them both having terrible relationships with their in-laws which had a long term impact on every relationship in the family. I think none of them want to make the same mistake.

[Anonymous]

My inlaws drive me bananas, and my DH is in infrequent contact with them. I do make more of an effort with them than even DH does, mostly because I grew up without grandparents on either side and always envied other kids who had good relationships with their grandparents. I also live in fear that not trying hard enough will bring about the Karmic justice of a future daughter in law who "takes my son away from me". I absolutely adore my son and that Karmic justice fear alone would keep me calling MIL weekly to "check in".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:the majority of these posts are very concerning to me. Those of us with sons are screwed because it appears that most likely our future DILs will hate us and think we carry some psychiatric diagnosis.

Just don't be a nutcase, it is that easy.

I think mom's make the mistake of pushing their son's away (inadvertenly). They assume that the closer relationship is with their daughters and I think in turn the son's leave the home and hardly look back. There are cultures that value boys more becase they are the caregivers of their elderly parents. Our society seems to think that this is the girl's role (although I think our families tend to lock the elderly away in homes out of sight). As a mom of a boy right now, I vow to never treat him any differently than my girl. I see my DHs mother do just this. She CLEARLY favors her daughters, why really would her son want much to do with her? I can promise you that when his mother gets old, her health and dailiy care be his sister's problem, not ours. It is not because we are heartless, but because she has doted all of her attention and resources on her daughters, therefore they can pay her back when she gets old. Funny enough, even though she dotes on them so much, they have such a turbulent relationship with their mom that is a bit dysfunctional. I'm sure if they all lived together again one day, someone would end up dead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:the majority of these posts are very concerning to me. Those of us with sons are screwed because it appears that most likely our future DILs will hate us and think we carry some psychiatric diagnosis.

Just don't be a nutcase, it is that easy.

I think mom's make the mistake of pushing their son's away (inadvertenly). They assume that the closer relationship is with their daughters and I think in turn the son's leave the home and hardly look back. There are cultures that value boys more becase they are the caregivers of their elderly parents. Our society seems to think that this is the girl's role (although I think our families tend to lock the elderly away in homes out of sight). As a mom of a boy right now, I vow to never treat him any differently than my girl. I see my DHs mother do just this. She CLEARLY favors her daughters, why really would her son want much to do with her? I can promise you that when his mother gets old, her health and dailiy care be his sister's problem, not ours. It is not because we are heartless, but because she has doted all of her attention and resources on her daughters, therefore they can pay her back when she gets old. Funny enough, even though she dotes on them so much, they have such a turbulent relationship with their mom that is a bit dysfunctional. I'm sure if they all lived together again one day, someone would end up dead.

Well nutcase seems to be in the eyes of the beholder. I bet many of the MILs you all are complaining about consider themselves perfectly normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:the majority of these posts are very concerning to me. Those of us with sons are screwed because it appears that most likely our future DILs will hate us and think we carry some psychiatric diagnosis.

Just don't be a nutcase, it is that easy.

I think mom's make the mistake of pushing their son's away (inadvertenly). They assume that the closer relationship is with their daughters and I think in turn the son's leave the home and hardly look back. There are cultures that value boys more becase they are the caregivers of their elderly parents. Our society seems to think that this is the girl's role (although I think our families tend to lock the elderly away in homes out of sight). As a mom of a boy right now, I vow to never treat him any differently than my girl. I see my DHs mother do just this. She CLEARLY favors her daughters, why really would her son want much to do with her? I can promise you that when his mother gets old, her health and dailiy care be his sister's problem, not ours. It is not because we are heartless, but because she has doted all of her attention and resources on her daughters, therefore they can pay her back when she gets old. Funny enough, even though she dotes on them so much, they have such a turbulent relationship with their mom that is a bit dysfunctional. I'm sure if they all lived together again one day, someone would end up dead.

Well nutcase seems to be in the eyes of the beholder. I bet many of the MILs you all are complaining about consider themselves perfectly normal.

Oh definitly, this is the problem with self-absorbed people incapable of reflection personal development. My MIL thinks she is completely normal. The rest of the world disagrees.

[Anonymous]

Oh boy, looks like Captain Amotherinlaw has arrived to defend the mother in laws of this world from the results of their own behavior! Just in time! Some of us were venting...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Used to love the ILs and felt very lucky, but now there's mutual distrust and dislike, ever since DS was born.

Turned out I was just a vessel to incubate their grandchild and I need to get out of the way now and not in -ANY- way hinder access to their new little "son," redux.

This is the same thing for me.

[Anonymous]

Not good. They basically ignore me and the dd. They live far away, so I used to call them for birthdays, christmas, easter, and sometimes in between, then after 3 years of them not calling me for my birthday, and not calling me a single time during pregnancy, I decided to give it up. They have a grandchild - if they want to make an effort, they'll be welcome, if not, my own family provides enough love for the three of us (inlcuding DH).

[Anonymous]

They don't care about me, I don't care about them. They expect to be called on their birthdays. For my birthday, it's like I don't exist for them. They live overseas, but unfortunately, they come for a few months and stay at their place (a house in VA).