What is your relationship like with your inlaws?

[Anonymous]

my ILs are very nice people. However, they live halfway across the country, so I don't have much of a relationship with them. We see them maybe 2 weeks out of the year. They are wonderful grandparents and we are planning to move closer to them in about 2 years, but only because MY parents have agreed to come with us. Otherwise, I NEVER would consider moving halfway across the country! I want my daughter and any future children to have grandparents fairly close for weekend visits and such.

My ILs are almost TOO nice - they are basically pushovers. Where my BIL is concerned, they have stayed silent on WAY too many things that might have helped him to make better decisions. Moving back into their house at 32 with his barely legal girlfriend and their baby after he had FINALLY moved out after mooching off of them for several years? Yeah, THAT is when I would have laid the law down - they, on the other hand, stayed silent and watched as they did nothing to help themselves and wasted money on booze and tattoos ;P They also turned a blind eye when my husband was a teen and involved in some REALLY shady stuff- like ignoring it was going to make it magically disappear. Luckily, my husband was smart enough to remove himself from the situation and bettered himself on his own.

Again, my ILs are nice people...but in the end, it is a fault where their kids are concerned. I have a feeling they think I am a bit brash, although they would never say it since I am a zillion times better than the losers my BIL brings home - I am just not afraid to voice my opinion about the situation with my BIL. I grew up in an opinionated household...and sadly, they admit I am right, just won't speak up for themselves. But, again, my ILs are just thrilled that hubby and I are self-supporting, and that their one son married someone who isn't legally insane or a teen.

[Anonymous]

My MIL is an unrepentant alcoholic, and DH has little contact with her. We're moving closer to her soon, so may see more of her. I can't even figure out how DH turned out as well as he did. He has a crazy sister who is super-smart yet still single at 35 and works at a dead-end low-paid job.

My ILs don't care much about their grandchildren, and won't come visit them, even though we invite them often. I think MIL is too busy drinking. They send gifts and call on birthdays. This is not a relationship, and I feel sad for my kids, who really love their grandparents, but are too young to see their flaws. They can't understand why their grandparents don't come to visit.

I am very envious of people who like their in-laws. I wish I liked mine, but I don't. The fact that they have never dealt directly with MIL's drinking makes me feel like they are lying every minute of every day. I can't tolerate the dishonesty. DH loves them, but can't find common ground with them. It seems like a sad, hopeless situation.

[Anonymous]

I love my in-laws. My boss recently asked me if we had any vacation planned this spring and I told him that my in-laws were coming to visit and I considered that a mini-vacation. He thought I was crazy but I was being honest. My MIL does all of the cooking for us when she comes to visit (and she is a GREAT cook) and she helps a lot with dishes. They both help out with yard work (if needed), groceries, other errands. And most importantly, they entertain our DS. It is so nice to have a break. Plus, I enjoy being around them - they are very nice people. They drive my DH crazy sometimes - little idiosyncracies - but they have never annoyed me.

I love my parents too but they are very different. They also don't visit as much even though they live closer (4 hour drive v. a plane ride) because they are not retired and my in-laws are retired.

From reading some of these posts, I feel fortunate to have such great in-laws.

[Anonymous]

My in laws are nice but my MIL kind of gets on my nerves and I can only take it in small doses - like max 1 day visits otherwise I start getting snippy. They are just very different in every sense than my parents and I am sure my mom really gets on my husbands nerves as well. All the stuff my mom is his is not and vice versa so it is a really cultural and personality clash - I am from a ethnic background that is big on culture and my husband is not and his family are hillbillies and have no interest to learn about my background.

[Anonymous]

I love my in-laws and my parents, too! We see each set of parents about every 6 weeks and I wish it were more often.

Of course, if you told me a few years ago I would be saying this, I would have laughed and said you were CRAZY. While I always liked and appreciated my parents and in-laws, I had no interest in seeing them more than a few times a year. But now that we have kids, I have a whole new level of appreciation for them. All four are wonderful grandparents and they are incredibly sweet and supportive of both me and DH. I feel very lucky and this post is reminding me to tell them so!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love my in-laws and my parents, too! We see each set of parents about every 6 weeks and I wish it were more often.

Of course, if you told me a few years ago I would be saying this, I would have laughed and said you were CRAZY. While I always liked and appreciated my parents and in-laws, I had no interest in seeing them more than a few times a year. But now that we have kids, I have a whole new level of appreciation for them. All four are wonderful grandparents and they are incredibly sweet and supportive of both me and DH. I feel very lucky and this post is reminding me to tell them so!

Same relationship here with my MIL (my FIL is dead). I love her, we have a great relationship and a lot in common. My MIL comes over once a week to help out and take care of the kids so I have some "me" time. She's very sweet and would help more, but is 74 and gets tired after a couple of hours with my two rambunctious boys. Not surprisingly, my DH is also very close to her and comes over to take care of her house once a week. He had the opportunity to stay in LA a few years ago but chose a job in Washington so he could take care of his folks, which was a good thing b/c his dad died of cancer not too long after.

I don't think you need to have a bad relationship with your sons' wives later in life. MIL and I have a very respectful relationship and give each other a lot of space and a lot of leeway. We didn't pretend to be "family" right away after DH and I got married, but just let our relationship grow over the years. I don't criticize her lifestyle choices and she doesn't criticize mine. DH does a good job being a good son to his mom without shirking his responsibilities to us. I think if we raise our sons to be good, family-oriented people and not nuts, they will choose nice girls to marry who are similary not insane and good relationships can ensue.

BTW, I also think that questions like these are biased...people who are unhappy with their IL relationships tend to want to post more than people who are happy with their relationships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Used to love the ILs and felt very lucky, but now there's mutual distrust and dislike, ever since DS was born.

Turned out I was just a vessel to incubate their grandchild and I need to get out of the way now and not in -ANY- way hinder access to their new little "son," redux.

Similar relationship with my in-laws, very well-stated by this PP. For me, it is mostly my MIL, who is actually my DH's stepmom and never had kids of her own. So she really doesn't get when she is inappropriate and over-stepping. Her co-workers actually threw her a baby shower before my DS was born! That's when the relationship turned south for me...

[Anonymous]

I like my in-laws fine. My MIL is very, very (overly) worried about being intrusive. Which is great when it comes to things like child-rearing issues, because I definitely don't want unsolicited advice, but they won't come visit for more than a few days because they're worried about overstaying their welcome, which is ridiculous because we see them once or twice a year! (They live in CA). There are things about her that get on my nerves a little -- like the fact that she criticizes my SIL's parenting behind her back (her own daughter) because I think she must do the same to me when I'm not around, but whatever. She's not malicious about it, she's just gossipy. I have heard so many horrible MIL stories that I know that on balance, I have it really good. I actually wish that they were a little more inclined to come visit their grandson more often, because they are pretty much retired and I know they can afford it, but maybe they are waiting to be invited (this just occurred to me). My FIL is nice, I can't really get a read on him but my impression is from the way DH tells it that he's kind of a stoic, no-drama type of guy. Which is fine too. Obviously I would prefer to have really interesting, fun in-laws that I had tons in common with, but having a conflict-free relationship is the next best thing. And they like to drink wine (my parents are teetotalers), so that makes things more fun with them.