7 year old son crying over missing ex spouse- breaking my heart
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Anonymous
| My ex husband and I split up 3 years ago when our son was 5. We had a pretty bad marriage- he was an alcoholic for first 2 years and then sobered up when son was 1. I fell out of love with him dealing with the alcoholism. We split when son was 5. I started dating someone when son was 6. It's been 2 years. Son LOVES boyfriend- boyfriend has son his age and we have a blast together but dont live together. We have 50/50 custody and my ex is a good dad and very involved and has not dated anyone seriously. My son every few month gets very emoitional and will cry at night because he misses his dad. This past week it has been really bad and my son has seemed super depressed/anxious and just says he misses dad. What do I do about this? We have face timed his dad the past 2 nights and he has juts bawled crying. It is breaking my heart as a mom and I feel like i am doing something wrong. The divorce was my idea- and while i know it was not my fault I couldnt be married to him anymore and he thinks I stopped trying. So i obviously have guilt about messing my kid up. The past 2 days I have felt so sad for him and I have no idea what to do....help! |
Anonymous
|
There isn't much you can do. Try to be sympathetic, and don't deny the reality of his experience.
He may grieve the loss of his family through every stage of life, into adulthood, and there isn't necessarily anything wrong with that. He's just catching on to the fullness of what he will never have. |
Anonymous
| Aww, that must be tough. Hugs to you both. |
Anonymous
| Why not let your son spend more time with his father for a period of time? |
Anonymous
| Some crying is OK. You say every few months. That doesn't seem like a lot. If it was happening a lot, I'd suggest some counseling which helped with a crying issue with one of our kids -- sometimes kids need to talk and find it easier to talk with a counselor than than mom or dad. It doesn't seem you are at the counseling stage now, but that option is always there. It doesn't hurt. |
Anonymous
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Can you invite his dad over for dinner and a board game tomorrow?
I'm the child of divorce and while some kids take it fine and adapt well, some of us don't. You seem like a good mom. If you can give your son time when the three of you are together as a family (even though you're not getting back together) I think that would be helpful. |
Anonymous
About to write something similar to this poster. Also wanted to add, that perhaps he sees what he's "missing out on" with your boyfriend and his son which may make him pine for dad. |
Anonymous
| Ask him what would make him feel better. Acknowledge that he's sad, but don't act super sad yourself, keep telling him that he's going to be okay. |
Anonymous
| So he sobered up and you divorced him? Your poor child. |
Anonymous
-- let school counselor know (teacher, too) -- maybe do a trial changed schedule...not sure if you do week on/week off now, but could do mon-wed morning with mom, we'd afternoon - Friday mor with dad, afternoons alternate like usual. |
Anonymous
Helpful.  You have no idea what she went though. Sometimes it is too little, too late.
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Anonymous
Exactly. I feel for you OP. this is tough. I wish I had advice. |
Anonymous
Exactly. People divorce all the time. The OP is NOT responsible for her ex's sobriety. OP, I think it's normal for kids to go through emotional ups and downs, especially in divorce. Maybe your son could benefit by talking with a therapist for at least a few sessions? I think too often that b/c divorce is so commonplace that the emotions kids have in dealing with it are swept aside. |
Anonymous
| Remind him of all of the good things he has in his life when he is feeling down. My kid sees his dad once or twice a year. |
Anonymous
| Any chance that you can get back together with your ex husband? |