Grandmother went overboard with slipping cash to me this visit..return it?

[Anonymous]

My grandmother (bless her heart) loves to hide a $20 in your jacket pocket or purse when you arent paying attention. I tell her not to every time I find her little gifts, but she won't stop. This last visit though I left her house and got home to find a bank envelope with $500 in it. I called her immediately and said it was too much and why did she do that but she said that she wanted me to treat myself this week and go have a spa day. I feel terrible and uncomfortable. I want to give it back but she adamantly said not to. What would you do? Return it? Keep it? She's got a wrath like a demon spawn if you cross her but this is too much. Does anyone else's grandparent do this?? I would prefer the movie version of grandmothers who fill you up with sweets, not wads of cash.

[Anonymous]

She wants you to keep it. So keep it. If it makes you feel better just donate it to a charity.

[Anonymous]

Maybe she wants to be able to have control over indulging loved ones while she is still here vs thinking about her offspring fighting over inheritances.

Does whe have the money OP?

If I were lod and loaded I would do the same kind of thing too.

[Anonymous]

Assuming she's in a comfortable position and has cash to spare, I'd suggest graciously saying thank you and using it as she intended.

If money's tight and she's clipping coupons for her dinner of cat food, I'd offer you a different answer.

[Anonymous]

Oh boo hoo grandma gives me too much cash!

I get that it seems like too much to you, but you called her and she insisted so keep it. Donate it or put it away in savings if you feel uncomfortable "treating yourself". And don't turn this into a problem for yourself.

[Anonymous]

Can you tell her the only way you could truly enjoy a spa day is if you brought a guest, so what day is she available?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you tell her the only way you could truly enjoy a spa day is if you brought a guest, so what day is she available?

I like this idea

[Anonymous]

Please keep it: my sister-in-law and brother have asked my mother to stop giving their children any gifts or money other than the ones they (my SIL and brother) have approved. They have also given away major gifts that meant a lot to my mom and told her about it, which crushed her all over again. For some older people, gift giving is their 'love language.' If you are truly uncomfortable, put it in a savings account for the future or for a charitable gift in her memory when she is gone. I've seen the devastation that the refusals have brought my mom, and so your post hits home in my asking you to think through what keeping this costs both you and your grandma, literally and metaphorically.

[Anonymous]

Put it in the kids college fund.

[Anonymous]

She wants you to have it and it brought her happiness to do it. Maybe indulge in some things you normally wouldn't and share the specialness with her by phone or mail so she can know how happy you are with the treats.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She wants you to have it and it brought her happiness to do it. Maybe indulge in some things you normally wouldn't and share the specialness with her by phone or mail so she can know how happy you are with the treats.

This. Honor her by swallowing your discomfort and accepting the money.

[Anonymous]

My grandmother always gives me, DH, and DS $1000 each whenever we come to see her. I think it's her way of saying thank you and appreciating us taking time out of our busy lives to come see a little old lady. I love her and I'd go see her regardless but I do think it sweetens the deal for DH. I also think it's her way of gifting money while she's alive and not saving it all for an inheritance.

[Anonymous]

Assuming she is of sound mind and has the money, the only answer is "thank you!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My grandmother (bless her heart) loves to hide a $20 in your jacket pocket or purse when you arent paying attention. I tell her not to every time I find her little gifts, but she won't stop. This last visit though I left her house and got home to find a bank envelope with $500 in it. I called her immediately and said it was too much and why did she do that but she said that she wanted me to treat myself this week and go have a spa day. I feel terrible and uncomfortable. I want to give it back but she adamantly said not to. What would you do? Return it? Keep it? She's got a wrath like a demon spawn if you cross her but this is too much. Does anyone else's grandparent do this?? I would prefer the movie version of grandmothers who fill you up with sweets, not wads of cash.

If you think she has the money, say thank you and enjoy the spa day. My mother and aunt are at the point that they are comfortable and want to help/be generous/see you use the money NOW, vs waiting until they die. Perhaps your grandmother feels the same way?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She wants you to have it and it brought her happiness to do it. Maybe indulge in some things you normally wouldn't and share the specialness with her by phone or mail so she can know how happy you are with the treats.

This. Honor her by swallowing your discomfort and accepting the money.

+10000

I have aunts like this. They have great joy when giving to their immediate family. (MIL, not so much - LOLZ - that woman thinks she can take it with her).