Relationship or just sex?

[Anonymous]

I started seeing a guy that I met at a party in late May He got my number and we started talking and immediately went on a first date. Sincerely early June I've seen him a total of 1-3 times a week. The beginning was more one date week, progressing into multiple times a week after the first month. We started having sex in late June/early July. We regularly see each other multiple times a week, and have sex every time we see each other. We do many things like dinner, meeting mutual friends, movies, etc. but it always ends in sex. I love the sex but I worry I am just a " FWB".

Neither of us have brought up being exclusive, but both of us voiced wanting a relationship on the first and second date. I like him and enjoy his company, but I'm finding myself confused if he is seeing this as a relationship or is this more of a " friends with benefits". I've had two previous guys and we didn't have sex each time we saw one another. However, we have yet to have any formal meeting or meeting outside of mutual friends, where he could've had the opportunity to introduce me as his girlfriend. I am not good at these things and I guess I am cautious that asking him may come off as pushy and scare him away. I don't really know if he is letting things progress naturally or if he is enjoying the company and sex, without any want for commitment with me. It's only been about 2-2.5 months. However , exclusivity came by this time with my previous SO's.

[Anonymous]

I don't know.

That said, if you would all cease having sex with these guys prior to being exclusive you wouldn't be so confused about whether you were a girlfriend or simply a regular tool in the hay.

You want to play the hookup game, go ahead.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand--other than being exclusive what else would you like to change? Or is he giving you a bad vibe?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know.

That said, if you would all cease having sex with these guys prior to being exclusive you wouldn't be so confused about whether you were a girlfriend or simply a regular tool in the hay.

You want to play the hookup game, go ahead.

" all these guys.." He's the third man I've slept with and I'm 27. I waited until almost 6 weeks before sleeping with him. I may have slept with him too soon, but I'm not trying to just hook up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand--other than being exclusive what else would you like to change? Or is he giving you a bad vibe?

I would like to know if he plans on sex w.o commitment, or if sees this progressing towards a relationship ( if he doesn't already). I don't want to waste time if he doesn't see us being serious, yet I don't want to ask too soon and he end up feeling rushed or scared off.

[Anonymous]

Talk to him. Ask him. Get drunk first if you're nervous.

[Anonymous]

I mean if you don't know and you're dating him, then we really don't know since we don't know either of you.

If you want to know something, ask. If you are scared to ask, you need to explore why that is. But closed mouths don't get fed.

[Anonymous]

Also you don't need to justify your sexual history to anyone here or elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

If you like sex, have sex. If you don't like sex, don't have sex.

Don't tie yourself in knots trying to leverage sex to get a different kind of relationship.

[Anonymous]

It's totally appropriate to have the exclusivity conversation at this point. If he balks or you "scare him away", he wasn't really interested in a relationship. My guess is that he already thinks you are in a relationship.

Most guys that just want to have sex are not interested in hanging out with your friends or taking you on dates, etc. Does he set aside time to be with you or does he just call you at the last minute and come over?

I think six weeks wasn't too early to have sex -- especially given how often you were seeing each other. Quite frankly, most guys would not have the patience to wait that long if they were only interested in sex.

The thing is -- you need to feel comfortable talking to guys about these things and your expectations. The right type of guys will engage in these conversations and be up front with you. Those looking for a hook up will steer clear of you -- and that is not really a bad thing.

Good luck. I think he is really into you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand--other than being exclusive what else would you like to change? Or is he giving you a bad vibe?

*I would like to know * if he plans on sex w.o commitment, or if sees this progressing towards a relationship ( if he doesn't already). I don't want to waste time if he doesn't see us being serious, yet I don't want to ask too soon and he end up feeling rushed or scared off.

This is not how you go about finding out!

[Anonymous]

I don't think everyone has the "we're exclusive" talk. Sometimes it just happens. Seeing each other multiple times a week seems much more like a relationship than a FWB arrangement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would like to know if he plans on sex w.o commitment, or if sees this progressing towards a relationship ( if he doesn't already). I don't want to waste time if he doesn't see us being serious, yet I don't want to ask too soon and he end up feeling rushed or scared off.

Sigh. The point I was making above is, if you'd NOT have sex without a commitment, you wouldn't have these questions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would like to know if he plans on sex w.o commitment, or if sees this progressing towards a relationship ( if he doesn't already). I don't want to waste time if he doesn't see us being serious, yet I don't want to ask too soon and he end up feeling rushed or scared off.

Sigh. The point I was making above is, if you'd NOT have sex without a commitment, you wouldn't have these questions.

I agree. Sounds like you saw each other 8 times before having sex and since then, you've had sex each time you were together. What would happen if you said "Not tonight."

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you're in a relationship but that its still early days.