If your spouse had an affair...

[Anonymous]

... did you tell your family or friends? Did it depend on whether or not you were planning to stay with your spouse?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:... did you tell your family or friends? Did it depend on whether or not you were planning to stay with your spouse?

Rarely is it a good idea to include your family and friends.

[Anonymous]

2 BFFs who will take it to the grave with them. Who else would I rant, rave, cry, and talk things out with?

[Anonymous]

I told everyone I could. Not my shame.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:... did you tell your family or friends? Did it depend on whether or not you were planning to stay with your spouse?

Rarely is it a good idea to include your family and friends.

When you need emotional support, it's not about "including" them.

OP, if you tell your family, and then decide to reconcile, they might find it very hard to forgive your spouse. I would tell friends first.

[Anonymous]

friends maybe family never
only if you plan to stay

[Anonymous]

I talked to my close friends and a few of our shared close friends. After a month when it was uncertain whether we would reconcile, we told our families.

[Anonymous]

One very close friend who went through something similar. Nobody else knows. I would likely share more if we split, which may still happen, but it's not information that I volunteer.

[Anonymous]

I told my two best friends. I could never tell my family unless it was really, truly over. We ended up working it out and I'm still glad to this day I didn't tell more people. It's hard though - I wanted to tell the world and get their perspective when it all went down. All I wanted to do was talk and get opinions. But I would recommend keeping as much close to you as possible.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't tell family until the divorce papers are close to signed. Maybe 1-2 close friends or even better- a therapist. Vent all the shit out to a therapist- they're paid to listen! Family loyalties will make it hard if you do reconcile and even if you don't think you'll reconcile...you never know...

[Anonymous]

Remember that telling family and friends makes it more likely that the children will learn of it as well . . .

[Anonymous]

I was hurting so much so I told more people than I probably should have. I first told two close friends, and then after a week or so when I just couldn't hold it together anymore I ended up telling my mother. I also told some co-workers - I couldn't keep my composure at work some days so I let some people know what was going on. Luckily I work in a small office?

Now there is a possible reconciliation, and I wish fewer people knew. I hate feeling like I am being judged for considering taking back a cheater. It was a one night stand and he feels awful, but the past month or so being apart was really hard on me emotionally so thats why I started telling people. I needed some support. In hindsight, I wish I started going to a therapist right away after I found out. I still haven't started seeing someone, but am still considering it.

Best of luck, OP.

[Anonymous]

I would probably tell only my super close friends, but not too many.

Because I would be in so much emotional pain that I would need a shoulder to cry on.

I would NEVER stay with someone who was unfaithful so I wouldn't have to worry about what they thought about my spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:... did you tell your family or friends? Did it depend on whether or not you were planning to stay with your spouse?

Rarely is it a good idea to include your family and friends.

When you need emotional support, it's not about "including" them.

OP, if you tell your family, and then decide to reconcile, they might find it very hard to forgive your spouse. I would tell friends first.

True. Once the fam knows, it's very hard to get back. Everyone might say they've moved on, but those in-law relationships are gone.

[Anonymous]

Not initially, no. But once it was clear he was not going to stop cheating and our marriage was over, I shared because he fucked around and fucked up our marriage, not me.