Am I being unreasonable?

[Anonymous]

We visit DH's family specifically his mother and brother once a year for a week around Christmas every year. FIL died last year. They live in Phoenix.

This year we want to stay at mother-in-law's house instead of paying for a hotel. She does not live there but resides at an assisted living facility and bIL is suppose to be winding down the estate, cleaning up the house, getting everything appraised that is of value, etc. He was suppose to get everything done by May of this year but got an extension until November but looking at what has been done so far, the house will still be empty in December.

BIL and MIL are reluctant to let us stay there. The house is a mess but I have offered to help clean it (refused) and for all the money we have spent on hotels in Phoenix, we could hire a cleaning crew and even put in a new half bath.

My husband agrees with me that his family is weird but this is ridiculous and making me furious. I know I have to let this go but have to vent about these crazy people! The really ridiculous thing is that they are both big fans of David Ramsey, the financial guru, and keep telling us to take his courses while refusing to let us stay at the house for our yearly 1 week visit

[Anonymous]

I don't understand. MIL doesn't want you staying at her house because it's empty (maybe with no water or electricity?) and an enormous mess, and you're furious at her because you want to stay there anyway? It's her house- if she doesn't want you staying there, either get the hotel or don't go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand. MIL doesn't want you staying at her house because it's empty (maybe with no water or electricity?) and an enormous mess, and you're furious at her because you want to stay there anyway? It's her house- if she doesn't want you staying there, either get the hotel or don't go.

It is messy but has water, electricity, etc and is habitable. It is empty as in no one lives there but has furniture in it. We want to visit her but it is expensive to pay for a hotel. This is the house that DH and BIL grew up in.

[Anonymous]

Let it go. Just get the hotel.

BIL can't really proceed in clearing it out if you are going to stay there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand. MIL doesn't want you staying at her house because it's empty (maybe with no water or electricity?) and an enormous mess, and you're furious at her because you want to stay there anyway? It's her house- if she doesn't want you staying there, either get the hotel or don't go.

It is messy but has water, electricity, etc and is habitable. It is empty as in no one lives there but has furniture in it. We want to visit her but it is expensive to pay for a hotel. This is the house that DH and BIL grew up in.

Her husband has died, she does not live there, her kids live elsewhere and the thought of you being there, without her or having to come over just at Christmas is sad/creepy/nothing she wants to deal with. It's her house, they do not want you staying there. Get a hotel or stay at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let it go. Just get the hotel.

BIL can't really proceed in clearing it out if you are going to stay there.

I know but it is hard because it is so unreasonable. We would only be staying for a week bc we live in DC. BIL lives in Phoenix and will have had more than a year to clean out the house at that point. At the rate he is cleaning, the house will look exactly the same as it did last December.

[Anonymous]

The house sounds gross. You'd be more comfortable in a hotel.

[Anonymous]

You are being a little unreasonable. People are funny about their houses, guests and what their comfort level for things is. MIL's house, MIL's rules.

Meanwhile, start staying in a VRBO house instead of hotel. MUCH cheaper!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand. MIL doesn't want you staying at her house because it's empty (maybe with no water or electricity?) and an enormous mess, and you're furious at her because you want to stay there anyway? It's her house- if she doesn't want you staying there, either get the hotel or don't go.

It is messy but has water, electricity, etc and is habitable. It is empty as in no one lives there but has furniture in it. We want to visit her but it is expensive to pay for a hotel. This is the house that DH and BIL grew up in.

Her husband has died, she does not live there, her kids live elsewhere and the thought of you being there, without her or having to come over just at Christmas is sad/creepy/nothing she wants to deal with. It's her house, they do not want you staying there. Get a hotel or stay at home.

It isn't just me. It is also her son and only grandchild who will be staying at the house.

I cannot fathom my parent telling me to stay at a hotel when there is an empty house. Also, I want to help BIL clean it up bc so far, he has not done much and seems as overwhelmed as she.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are being a little unreasonable. People are funny about their houses, guests and what their comfort level for things is. MIL's house, MIL's rules.

Meanwhile, start staying in a VRBO house instead of hotel. MUCH cheaper!

Will do! I don't know why I want to help when it is obvious no one wants it! I don't even like cleaning but felt bad for them. The VRBO sounds like a good idea, thanks!

[Anonymous]

OP
you are tone deaf

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP
you are tone deaf

How so?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand. MIL doesn't want you staying at her house because it's empty (maybe with no water or electricity?) and an enormous mess, and you're furious at her because you want to stay there anyway? It's her house- if she doesn't want you staying there, either get the hotel or don't go.

It is messy but has water, electricity, etc and is habitable. It is empty as in no one lives there but has furniture in it. We want to visit her but it is expensive to pay for a hotel. This is the house that DH and BIL grew up in.

Her husband has died, she does not live there, her kids live elsewhere and the thought of you being there, without her or having to come over just at Christmas is sad/creepy/nothing she wants to deal with. It's her house, they do not want you staying there. Get a hotel or stay at home.

This PP is more generous than I. Listen to what (s)he wrote above.

I thought it was a simple power play with the Estate in flux. The PP offers a better way of viewing the situation. Let it be.

This isn't a grudge worth holding onto. Enjoy the comfort of the hotel.

[Anonymous]

*supposed (you are using it wrong).

I suppose we should stay elsewhere.

Or

He is supposed to be cleaning the house.

[Anonymous]

Here's a better idea, skip the trip and stay home and save the money.