Parents with Transgender or gender non-conforming children.

[Anonymous]

DS is seven. He has always been a feminine child, and does seem gender non-conforming but I dot believe he is transgender. He has never ever seemed to exhibit any body or gender dysmorphia. He is a very happy boy, who just enjoys things that are stereotypically feminine. He seems well adjusted, and comfortable in his own skin. He always refers to himself as a boy who "likes girl things" and we are all accepting about that and don't think twice. He has been bullied, but has a good group of friends and is succeeding academically and socially. We are aware he may be gay, but refuse to label our child. As for now he's just DS.

A family member approached me with concern DS was possibly Transgender, she didn't come from a place of judgment but concern. I know the statistics for suicide in Trans adults and kids is high and that scared me. I know there is a difference between being transgender and just non-gender confirming but do you think we'd benefit from speaking to a professional? Or we making an issue out of nothing.

Pleas refrain from trans phobic/homophobic comments, they'll be ignored.

[Anonymous]

You sound like very loving parents. I think you should talk to a professional - you obviously have questions and want to support your son the best you can, so talking to someone can only help.

[Anonymous]

OP again.

He is a very anxious child, but I think that stems from being a perfectionist. DH and I were/are the same way.

(Think having a meltdown if he doesn't like the way his handwriting looks or being overly upset if he doesn't do well at a soccer game)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound like very loving parents. I think you should talk to a professional - you obviously have questions and want to support your son the best you can, so talking to someone can only help.

I agree.

[Anonymous]

Have you considered taking him to a child psych to address his anxiety issues? Anxiety can be a lifelong struggle. Hopefully he can learn at a young age what his triggers are and how to deal appropriately.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound like very loving parents. I think you should talk to a professional - you obviously have questions and want to support your son the best you can, so talking to someone can only help.

I agree.

I agree with this also. I want to add though that the greatest challenge kids face when they feel that they don't fit in, and the single biggest predictor of how they will cope, is the home environment. Loving, accepting parents are the absolute most important thing - no matter what the challenge.

So it sounds to me like your child is extremely lucky in that regard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: We are aware he may be gay, but refuse to label our child. As for now he's just DS.

He's seven. And you are labeling him.

When I was six, I wanted to dress like Daddy. I wore brown corduroys and played with trucks. I didn't even own dolls.

I'm now 36, straight, and married to a man. That kind of behavior in a child likely means nothing.

You're really reaching. I suspect this is just another case of parents wanting to feel there is something "special" about their child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: We are aware he may be gay, but refuse to label our child. As for now he's just DS.

He's seven. And you are labeling him.

When I was six, I wanted to dress like Daddy. I wore brown corduroys and played with trucks. I didn't even own dolls.

I'm now 36, straight, and married to a man. That kind of behavior in a child likely means nothing.

You're really reaching. I suspect this is just another case of parents wanting to feel there is something "special" about their child.

Yes, OP is labeling the child as "possibly gay". I don't perceive that as a problem. Every seven-year-old child is possibly gay (as well as possibly not-gay).

OP is also labeling the child as "gender non-conforming", which seems to me an accurate description of "a very happy boy, who just enjoys things that are stereotypically feminine".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: We are aware he may be gay, but refuse to label our child. As for now he's just DS.

He's seven. And you are labeling him.

When I was six, I wanted to dress like Daddy. I wore brown corduroys and played with trucks. I didn't even own dolls.

I'm now 36, straight, and married to a man. That kind of behavior in a child likely means nothing.

You're really reaching. I suspect this is just another case of parents wanting to feel there is something "special" about their child.

I sort of agree with this, OP. Why the rush to speak to a specialist now? Why not just wait to see how things play out and in the meantime, enjoy your son just as he is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: We are aware he may be gay, but refuse to label our child. As for now he's just DS.

He's seven. And you are labeling him.

When I was six, I wanted to dress like Daddy. I wore brown corduroys and played with trucks. I didn't even own dolls.

I'm now 36, straight, and married to a man. That kind of behavior in a child likely means nothing.

You're really reaching. I suspect this is just another case of parents wanting to feel there is something "special" about their child.

Yes, OP is labeling the child as "possibly gay". I don't perceive that as a problem. Every seven-year-old child is possibly gay (as well as possibly not-gay).

OP is also labeling the child as "gender non-conforming", which seems to me an accurate description of "a very happy boy, who just enjoys things that are stereotypically feminine".

Right, so why label a child as possibly gay? Why introduce that thought into their head? Why not just let things go where they go?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: We are aware he may be gay, but refuse to label our child. As for now he's just DS.

He's seven. And you are labeling him.

When I was six, I wanted to dress like Daddy. I wore brown corduroys and played with trucks. I didn't even own dolls.

I'm now 36, straight, and married to a man. That kind of behavior in a child likely means nothing.

You're really reaching. I suspect this is just another case of parents wanting to feel there is something "special" about their child.

Yes, OP is labeling the child as "possibly gay". I don't perceive that as a problem. Every seven-year-old child is possibly gay (as well as possibly not-gay).

OP is also labeling the child as "gender non-conforming", which seems to me an accurate description of "a very happy boy, who just enjoys things that are stereotypically feminine".

Right, so why label a child as possibly gay? Why introduce that thought into their head? Why not just let things go where they go?

It's only a problem if you think being gay is wrong, and OP specifically asked folks to refrain from homophobia on this thread. I introduce the idea to my kids that they might marry a man OR a woman, which won't make them gay but will make them know that I really don't care if they are.

To the OP - I think gender nonconforming is a good way to think about this. It may change with time or it may not, but I do think that getting him into a therapist to work on resiliency might not be the worst idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: We are aware he may be gay, but refuse to label our child. As for now he's just DS.

He's seven. And you are labeling him.

When I was six, I wanted to dress like Daddy. I wore brown corduroys and played with trucks. I didn't even own dolls.

I'm now 36, straight, and married to a man. That kind of behavior in a child likely means nothing.

You're really reaching. I suspect this is just another case of parents wanting to feel there is something "special" about their child.

Yes, OP is labeling the child as "possibly gay". I don't perceive that as a problem. Every seven-year-old child is possibly gay (as well as possibly not-gay).

OP is also labeling the child as "gender non-conforming", which seems to me an accurate description of "a very happy boy, who just enjoys things that are stereotypically feminine".

Right, so why label a child as possibly gay? Why introduce that thought into their head? Why not just let things go where they go?

It's only a problem if you think being gay is wrong, and OP specifically asked folks to refrain from homophobia on this thread. I introduce the idea to my kids that they might marry a man OR a woman, which won't make them gay but will make them know that I really don't care if they are.

To the OP - I think gender nonconforming is a good way to think about this. It may change with time or it may not, but I do think that getting him into a therapist to work on resiliency might not be the worst idea.

No, it's a problem, because like the PP said, EVERY 7 year is is potentially gay (but more than likely straight). Why are we even introducing sexual attraction to a young child, instead of them letting themselves figure it out?

It's also patently ridiculous to think that enjoying "girl" things makes him gender non-conforming or potentially gay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

No, it's a problem, because like the PP said, EVERY 7 year is is potentially gay (but more than likely straight). Why are we even introducing sexual attraction to a young child, instead of them letting themselves figure it out?

It's also patently ridiculous to think that enjoying "girl" things makes him gender non-conforming or potentially gay.

On the contrary, a boy enjoying "girl" things is basically the definition of gender non-conforming, for boys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Right, so why label a child as possibly gay? Why introduce that thought into their head? Why not just let things go where they go?

Why do you assume that OP has said anything to OP's child, rather than just thinking thoughts to OPself?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

No, it's a problem, because like the PP said, EVERY 7 year is is potentially gay (but more than likely straight). Why are we even introducing sexual attraction to a young child, instead of them letting themselves figure it out?

It's also patently ridiculous to think that enjoying "girl" things makes him gender non-conforming or potentially gay.

On the contrary, a boy enjoying "girl" things is basically the definition of gender non-conforming, for boys.

But it's ok for girls to play with Legos, right? That's not gender non-conforming.