Leaving Kids for Bachelorette/Wedding
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Anonymous
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One of my very best friends is getting married in November. I've been asked to be in the wedding an am over the moon for her. We've been there for each other through thick and thin and she is like a sister to me.
I have a 2.5 year old and 5 month old. I've only left the 2 year old once for 1 night when DH and I went away together. Was also away from him 3 nights during hospital stay after birth of baby 2 which was really hard for me. Haven't been away from 5 month old yet. My question is - do I need to suck it up and go for the 2-night bachelorette? It's in NYC so not too far. I assume for the wedding it will be another 2 nights - rehearsal and wedding night itself. Is it terribly rude to only make 1 night? It's really hard for me to be away from them for too long and will have to line up help for my DH if it's 2 days/nights. As it is will have to figure out childcare for the 2 wedding nights as DH will go with me most likely. Am I being irrational? Thanks! |
Anonymous
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It's hard, but this is a dear friend, you have to do the two nights for the wedding for sure. The bachelorette you should at least swing one night.
Your kids won't remember your absence and a few years from now you won't even get why you were so upset about being gone from them so long. How do I know? I was you 5 years ago stressing about the same thing. Trust me, your bride needs you more than your kids for those few days. Make it work. |
Anonymous
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When you're in the wedding, you attend everything. If you're only an invited guest but not in the wedding party, then you can duck out.
Can a grandparent come with you and the kids to watch them while you do wedding stuff? Personally, we pay our nanny to travel with us so the kids are with someone they're very used to. |
Anonymous
Seriously? Your husband can't handle 2 kids for 48 hrs.???? |
Anonymous
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Go for both events and stay for both nights. Your kids will be fine and you need to spend this time with your friend.
I let way too many friendships slide when I had children and it is so hard, if not impossible, to get them back. Just like your marriage, you have to tend to your friendships as well. |
Anonymous
He can of course but it's very difficult right now with a 4.5 month old that has to be rocked to sleep and who naps every 2 hours. So yes he can, but no fun for anyone involved so would rather have a grandparent around to get 2 year old out. Thanks everyone - I think I just needed to hear it. I'll do at least 1 night for the bachelorette and the whole wedding. I'm sure you're right, will look back and wonder why I was being crazy! |
Anonymous
| Ok, not trying to stir things up, but when I was in a similar situation I skipped the bachorette weekend and went away with DH for the wedding. I could have had DH or my parents watch my 2 kids, but I was soooooo tired with 2 little ones and going back to work. It would have been a plane ride and more stressful than enjoyable. My friend getting married had a child and completely understood. When my children were a little older and I was less tired, girls weekends became easier and fun. If you can go and enjoy yourself, do it! If you can't, there will be more opportunities later if you make them. |
Anonymous
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With the five month old, I would also be tempted to skip the bachelorette party but be there in full for the wedding
Between pumping and being recently back to work...that would be hard. |
Anonymous
I would be, too, believe me, but I think when you are IN the wedding party, you really have to make the effort. |
Anonymous
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I only have one kid, but was in this exact situation. I ended up doing one night of the bachelorette and was really glad I did because it meant the world to my friend that I was there. Of course I felt a little guilty leaving my 8 month old alone for the first time, but have to admit it was nice to have a girls night after so long and have some time away. If you go you may as well make the most of it.
We don't have family close by, so for the wedding I had my nanny stay for the weekend and again, it was really nice for DH and I to have a weekend away, and it was comforting knowing that I was leaving my son with someone I really trust and who cares for him all the time. He really had a blast too. I agree with the PP who said your kids won't remember this but the bride will. I think you really have to do both nights for the wedding and at least one night of the bachelorette. |
Anonymous
| I leave DS all the time. Once when he was four weeks (2 days). A couple of full day trips (leave 6 am return 9 pm) a 4 day trip when he was 5 mo. I own my own company and it requires my presence on remote sites from time to time. Baby is always with DH or my mom. I've never worried about it and always enjoyed the away time-am I weird? |
Anonymous
Leaving a baby at four weeks sounds weird to me, let alone enjoying it, but to each their own, you do what you gotta do, etc. |
Anonymous
Not one bit. There's a lot of mommy martyrs in these parts. Child has two parents and as long as he is fed and well looked after, he really doesn't notice if you're gone for a day. And it's fabulous to have the full night's sleep recharge. |
Anonymous
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Go and be with your friend, OP. PP is right in that too many of us let our friendships fade when we have kids and it is a bad, bad thing to do. You need your friends. You need adult contact and time away from your children in order to be a better parent. You need to be a full person for your children as well as for yourself.
Go, have fun and support your friend. |
Anonymous
If you don't want to to, don't go. A bride gets ONE DAY. ONE. Your friend should understand. Save your money and stay home. |