Leaving Kids for Bachelorette/Wedding
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Anonymous
Disagree strongly. It's just a bachelorette. Bride gets priority on her wedding, not for every made up present grab. |
Anonymous
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I hope you go and have a great time! It's important for you to have a life outside of being a mom. Don't let anyone make you feel bad for a few nights away.
To one of the PPs, it is not weird to enjoy being away from our kids for short periods of time, the sanctimommies just like to make us think so. |
Anonymous
| Also, OP, this is 31/2 months from now. Your baby will be 7 months old so not eating every 2 hours, etc. Go, enjoy it, and nurture that friendship! |
Anonymous
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I was just in your situation OP and I flew out to Vegas for the bachelorette weekend when I had a 9 month old baby at home. I brought a pump with me and pumped when we came back to the hotel room to change outfits.
I expected to miss the kids like crazy and feel a ton of guilt, but it was the first time I was away with friends since getting married four years ago and I loved it. It was so worth it. And I was really glad I made it for my friend. |
Anonymous
+1. And, when she decided to have a mother of 2 in the wedding party (with one of the kids being an infant) she must have realized that it may be a different situation compared to the rest of the bridesmaids if they are her single sorority friends. OP, do what you're comfortable with. |
Anonymous
| Depends on if you are breast feeding. Pumping on the go in NYC would be a drag. |
Anonymous
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I'm about to be in a similar situation but with a 4 year old and 5 month old, and DH and kids are coming to the wedding. Luckily, my BFF doesn't expect me to come for the bachelorette (it's on the other side of the country, so it would be a big expense).
Is it possible they could come with and stay in the hotel with you? Will you be doing wedding-related things every second you're there? I can't imagine you would be. If not, and they are there, you could spend time with the kids during the daytimes (although you wouldn't get much nighttime sleep). I agree with the PP who said the pumping in NYC would be irritating if you're BFing (but so would BFing if the baby comes along, of course). I'd say to go ahead and do it for the wedding, maybe skip the bachelorette or just go then for one day. Is there any reason you couldn't go later in the day on the bachelorette day and return the next morning? |
Anonymous
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This really depends on your friendship. If she's truly one of your best friends, I wouldn't miss it. Celebrating milestones is what you do for friends.
I went to my future SIL's bachelorette weekend party when DC #3 was around 8 weeks old. When I found out her own sister wouldn't attend because the sister said it was too tough to leave her kids, I felt I had to go. I was tired and it was a total pain to pump, but it was also fun and worth the inconvenience because it meant a lot to my SIL. That's really what you have to decide - is your friend worth the inconvenience? That's the question because having kids doesn't make it impossible. It's an excuse. The truth is it's easier to skip pretty much everything when your kids are that age. You have to make the effort or your default is to say no to everything. PS (your DH will be fine with both kids. Would you need grandparents to come help you in the same situation?) |
Anonymous
| I was in a bridal party where the bride was hurt by one of her dearest friends who declined being a bridesmaid. She was a new mother and did not feel like she could contribute/attend the way a bridesmaid should. I, on the other hand, was happy to participate in all festivities. I have a 2yo and 4yo though. DH can handle them easily and I was happy to spend time with my friends. My friend didn't have so many events though. There was a bachelorette party, bridal shower and the wedding. Bachelorette party and bridal shower were half day affairs. I planned most of the bridal shower so it was an all day affair for me. DH came with the children to the wedding weekend. We went to the rehearsal dinner (left early but everyone understood). I went to the wedding venue early to get ready. DH came with all the other guests. |
Anonymous
| I agree with the bride gets one day. Don't feel obligated to do the bachelorette party unless you really want to go. Your friend will someday understand when she is a parent and likely would understand now. Do what makes you comfortable. For me, that would be skipping the bachelorette. |
Anonymous
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I think things will be different in November than now. For me, 5 months was still a little tough - at 7 months DD got more into a predictable nap schedule and others could help with her more (I also stopped nursing at 6 months, so that was a big part of it) and I was emotionally better at getting away.
I would try to do both but definitely do the wedding with DH - you will really enjoy it when you get there! |
Anonymous
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I think you should go and have fun! Maybe do 1 night for the bachelorette. For the wedding, maybe you can bring the grandparents with you to NYC so at least even if you are busy you have your kids nearby and they can have a ball around the City? Your DH can go with them and then they can watch movies and do bed time together.
And in a few mos your infant will be bigger and all of this might be easier. I agree that the bride probably has adjusted expectations for the mother of 2 young children so I wouldn't fret too much - just do what you can. |
Anonymous
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If you don't want to go, don't, and don't feel guilty about it. Bachelorette parties are not on the same level as the wedding itself, and your friend will understand.
Taking a cynical POV, I have single friends rather than be bummed and worried about your kids the whole time. I think that's a shitty way to look at it and that the bride, your friend, would appreciate the effort no matter what, but that's just one alternative POV. You're a sweet friend to care this much! |
Anonymous
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^ Taking a cynical POV, I have single friends who'd want someone in your shoes to skip it rather than be bummed and worried about your kids the whole time.
Oof typo city. Sorry! |
Anonymous
| Do what feels right to you. Your kids certainly need you more than an adult friend, but go if you want. Personally, I would try to find a way to bring at least the baby and someone to watch him. In my circle, babies and kids were welcome at rehearsal dinners and weddings, though, and no one had a bachelorette weekend. |