My dad still has not met my kid...

[Anonymous]

And he has been back in town almost 2 weeks. He lost his job and is temporarily living with my mom - 10 minutes away. He's already somewhat estranged but this being my first child (not that order should matter) you think he'd be interested in visiting his 11 week old grandson. I haven't even heard from him. He delivered a message through my mom that he's going to visit but has a lot on his plate right now. That was Sunday. Last time he was in town I was pregnant he didn't reach out to or see me then either because he was "busy" according to my mom. My feelings are hurt and I'm not sure why since he has been an absent father for 10+ years now and is only coming around because his girlfriend took him for what he was worth and recently left him and his life has been downhill since I guess. I'm considering at this point not even letting him meet my son and just never talking to him again but I don't know if that's drastic. I don't even know why I'm posting this but I guess maybe someone else has a dad as big of an asshole as I do.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm sorry your dad has been so lousy. Protect yourself and lower your expectations. It sounds like he has a long history of not delivering, and is unlikely to change now.
Enjoy your son and the rest of your family. Consider any interaction with your dad a potential good thing, but completely unnecessary.

When someone shows you who they are, believe them.

[Anonymous]

My FIL didn't meet his granddaughter until she was almost 2. DH parents are retired and travel all the time. They missed all her birthdays, baptism, holidays. If you ask them....they are the best grandparents ever. My MIL met our daughter twice. Their loss. Same as your father. Your child won't miss him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My FIL didn't meet his granddaughter until she was almost 2. DH parents are retired and travel all the time. They missed all her birthdays, baptism, holidays. If you ask them....they are the best grandparents ever. My MIL met our daughter twice. Their loss. Same as your father. Your child won't miss him.

Obviously, they do not miss you or your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My FIL didn't meet his granddaughter until she was almost 2. DH parents are retired and travel all the time. They missed all her birthdays, baptism, holidays. If you ask them....they are the best grandparents ever. My MIL met our daughter twice. Their loss. Same as your father. Your child won't miss him.

Obviously, they do not miss you or your child.

PP here. I don't care if they don't miss me. I feel sad for my DH. He wishes they were more present.

[Anonymous]

"He delivered a message through my mom that he's going to visit but has a lot on his plate right now."

OP, c'mon. Let that suffice. He lost his job. He's living with your mother. What the hell do you want? Your daughter is two weeks old, not two years old. You spend all day every day thinking of her. He does not. In fact, no one else is going to except you and your husband. Ever.

I see absolutely nothing wrong with this situation. Not a thing. Except you are self-centered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"He delivered a message through my mom that he's going to visit but has a lot on his plate right now."

OP, c'mon. Let that suffice. He lost his job. He's living with your mother. What the hell do you want? Your daughter is two weeks old, not two years old. You spend all day every day thinking of her. He does not. In fact, no one else is going to except you and your husband. Ever.

I see absolutely nothing wrong with this situation. Not a thing. Except you are self-centered.

Wow, harsh much, PP? Someone clearly put sour milk in your Cheerios this morning.
OPs son is 11 weeks old.

It's totally normal to want to have her father share in this joy of having a baby. Children have a way of connecting people that may otherwise be disconnected. I'm guessing OP sees this as a way to reconnect with her mostly absent father. She's not self-centered by a long shot. There are so many complex feelings around this relationship. Parents can treat their kids like crap, and even into adulthood, the child will still long for that parent's approval and love.

OP--it sounds like your dad might be depressed or just not emotionally available for you or your child. Perhaps he's embarrassed. Whatever the reason is, there is nothing you've done wrong. Deep down it might feel like he's rejecting you, but it's not about you, it's about him. Focus on changing your expectations. He's doing the best he can, and if he's not in a place where he can enjoy his grandchild, then that's where he is. Yes, it's sad, but it's his choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"He delivered a message through my mom that he's going to visit but has a lot on his plate right now."

OP, c'mon. Let that suffice. He lost his job. He's living with your mother. What the hell do you want? Your daughter is two weeks old, not two years old. You spend all day every day thinking of her. He does not. In fact, no one else is going to except you and your husband. Ever.

I see absolutely nothing wrong with this situation. Not a thing. Except you are self-centered.

Wow, harsh much, PP? Someone clearly put sour milk in your Cheerios this morning.
OPs son is 11 weeks old.

It's totally normal to want to have her father share in this joy of having a baby. Children have a way of connecting people that may otherwise be disconnected. I'm guessing OP sees this as a way to reconnect with her mostly absent father. She's not self-centered by a long shot. There are so many complex feelings around this relationship. Parents can treat their kids like crap, and even into adulthood, the child will still long for that parent's approval and love.

OP--it sounds like your dad might be depressed or just not emotionally available for you or your child. Perhaps he's embarrassed. Whatever the reason is, there is nothing you've done wrong. Deep down it might feel like he's rejecting you, but it's not about you, it's about him. Focus on changing your expectations. He's doing the best he can, and if he's not in a place where he can enjoy his grandchild, then that's where he is. Yes, it's sad, but it's his choice.

Who cares how old her kid is? The dad is in crisis. He's been back in town for "almost two weeks." I don't see the problem here except with OP's self-centered attitude. Her baby is not the center of the universe.

[Anonymous]

My dad has never met my kids either. He is a successful professional who declined to make the drive to us (5 hours). We're all given some gifts in life, a good father was not one of my gifts.

[Anonymous]

I have found that we need to be ok with our current situations. Meaning, enjoy motherhood, be thankful for the poeple around you that care about you and your baby and dont beg anyone for attention.

As much as you would like your dad to meet her, let him do it in his time. We cant control what people do and we cant tell/force someone to be certain way.

My parents are the most loving individuals with my kids. however, my in-laws are not that much plus they are abroad. But you know, my kids have more than enough love from my parents that it is a waste of time to try to get the in-laws to do their part.

Be happy and dont worry. it is how it is and just enjoy the moment.

[Anonymous]

That sucks, OP. I have, shall I say, a problematic family too. It's a struggle to let go of what you wish your family could be and just accept what they are. I get that you are upset by your dad's behavior, and it sounds like his lack of interest has been going on for years. I think at this point you are just going to have to work on accepting who he is, which is just not the father you want (or deserve). I wouldn't ban him from meeting your son - that won't resonate with him in the way you want. It won't make him come to his senses and realize what a crappy dad he is and change into a good one, and it probably won't hurt him that deeply either if that is your goal (which is an understandable if not laudable goal if he has been a generally crappy parent).

Maybe this is a time to consider counseling for yourself. I say this truly to be supportive. It is hard to have strained family relationships. You can't change him, but you can change how you react to him and how much you let his behavior get to you.

[Anonymous]

OP, our son is 3 years old and my husband's father has never met him. FIL lives in Florida but travels all over and despite us inviting him several times has never expressed any interest in meeting our child. It's also his first grandchild. My husband and he do not have a good relationship, they talk on the phone a few times a year and FIL reluctantly visited us once in the first 10 years of our marriage but that is the extend of my husband's relationship with him. At first I was upset about the fact that FIL had no interest in meeting our son, but then I accepted it and it doesn't bother me anymore. It's FIL's loss, and there's nothing I can do about the fact that he doesn't want to get to know his grandchild.

[Anonymous]

My FIL hasn't met either of my kids. They are 6.5 and 4.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm sorry your dad has been so lousy. Protect yourself and lower your expectations. It sounds like he has a long history of not delivering, and is unlikely to change now.
Enjoy your son and the rest of your family. Consider any interaction with your dad a potential good thing, but completely unnecessary.

When someone shows you who they are, believe them.

+1

OP, congratulations on your baby!

[Anonymous]

My thought is that he doesn't have enough money for a gift and therefore doesn't want to visit until he can come bearing a gift. But if it is just that he is uninterested, then live with it.