Vent - I hate talking to my dad
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Anonymous
My dad (age 75) is originally from a small central European country, but he's lived in the US for over 40 years now. He is extremely conservative, pessimistic, and negative and I disagree with him on most political and social issues. He believes there's a Jewish conspiracy to rule the world, the Holocaust never happened, 9-11 was an inside job, America will be dead in 50 years and all white people will be slaves (that's his newest one), and so on. He buys into these pseudoscientific theories that his native country is the source of all human civilization and culture and that there is a worldwide conspiracy to destroy it. Talking to him is exhausting. I'll call to say hello and see how he's doing, and he'll launch into his tirades about "what's really going on today" and how "the younger generation needs to wake up and see what's happening before it's too late." We could be talking about the kids, the weather, home repairs, cooking, gardening, or whatever, and he'll go off. I have to hold the phone away from my ear and steer the conversation back to safer territory. I've long since given up trying to engage with him or reason with him on anything related to current events, social issues, or politics because instead of a conversation or friendly debate, it turns into him screaming and lecturing about his conspiracy theories and I can't get a word in. He complains about "what America has become" and I am always tempted to tell him to move back to his country if he's so unhappy, but the truth is he'd never be able to live there anymore because it has changed so much from when he was younger. It's gotten to the point where I dread talking to him. We were at my brother's house for a 4th of July barbecue and some other friends were in attendance as well. One of them asked some innocent questions about my dad's native country (big mistake) - he started going off on how his country has been persecuted and oppressed, but "they don't teach this in the schools, all they teach is the Holocaust." And with that, my brother jumped in and changed the subject before it turned into one of my dad's passionate lectures to a captive and uncomfortable audience. He's like Toula's dad from My Big Fat Greek Wedding, but on steroids and not nearly as funny. 
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Anonymous
| Is he Albanian? |
Anonymous
| Nope, Hungarian! |
Anonymous
| Has he always been like this? |
Anonymous
| Is this new behavior? Does it sound like paranoia? |
Anonymous
| He's always been very passionate and nationalistic, and the Hungarian national character is known to be pretty pessimistic and melancholy (hence the rate of suicide and alcohol abuse in Hungary). But as he's gotten older, and more Internet-savvy, he's had more time to read his right-wing conspiracy theory websites and blogs. |
Anonymous
| Physically he is very healthy - he is active, works part-time, does lots of work around the house and in the garden, and mentally he is quite sharp, so I am not worried about Alzheimer's or anything like that. He doesn't have a whole lot of friends though, probably because he is so abrasive when it comes to his political beliefs. |
Anonymous
| What happens when you come out and say, "Dad, I love talking to you, but could we not talk about politics today?" And then really good at changing the subject. |
Anonymous
| You should tell your dad that Hungarians are descendants of Ghenghis Khan. |
Anonymous
That's what I am always trying to do, but he can literally take any discussion and turn it into a political rant. For example, he grows Hungarian peppers and brought me some plants this spring to plant in my garden. One type of pepper plant that he brought looks exactly like the Italian frying pepper or Cubanelle - the light green one. I was telling him how well the Cubanelles are growing and he went off on me because "those are not Cuban peppers, and they're not Italian either! Those are from Hungary!"  Another example - he has an enormous collection of mint-condition National Geographic magazines that he has amassed over the years and he's thinking about getting rid of it. I suggested finding out whether he could sell some of them to a collector or on Ebay or something. Then he goes into a rant about how on in the year 2000, when Hungary celebrated its 1000th birthday, National Geographic failed to do a feature on it and this is an example of the worldwide conspiracy against Hungary. It's exhausting.
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Anonymous
| A lot of people I know have gotten more racist and more into conspiracy beliefs about health and politics. I've wondered if this is a function of depression and aging--not just alzheimer's. (I've met fewer people whom were like this when they were young, makes me wonder what they'll be like when they're in their 70s and 80s. Shudder.) |
Anonymous
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OP, you might enjoy this book. It's a funny nice story about an aging immigrant from EE and his children.
http://www.amazon.com/A-Short-History-Tractors-Ukrainian/dp/0143036742 |
Anonymous
Don't even get me started on that one! He's convinced that Hungarians originated in Mesopotamia, the cradle of civilization. There are a bunch of pseudoscientific theories about this Hungarian-Sumerian connection. I swear they want to prove that Jesus Christ himself was Hungarian! Some crazy people even think that the Incas spoke a form of Hungarian! Hungary is a great country with a unique and interesting language, culture, and history. Plenty of contributions to math, science, the arts, the culinary world, you name it. There's no need to make stuff up! |
Anonymous
| It's not made up. Hungarian and Mongolian are linguistically somilar languages because Genghis came through there and raped and pillaged. |
Anonymous
Thanks, I will have to check it out! I could use some humor after this morning's conversation! 
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