MIL terrorizing household help

[Anonymous]

We have a couple household staff who work for us. When MIL visits, she runs them ragged. She has always been difficult but as she ages and her health declines she has become anxious to the point of exhausting everyone around her. She also says whatever comes into her head which has caused her to make disparaging comments about our employees' appearances and calls them to ask for things when they are not on the clock at our house. We have tried to set boundaries but she persists. How should I handle this situation?

[Anonymous]

Tell her any request to them must go through you. Done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell her any request to them must go through you. Done.

Tried that. All she does is confront the person the next day and badger them. She'll say something like, "I heard you don't want me to call you? Was I bothering you? I didn't think I was bothering you. They told me you think I'm bothering you."

[Anonymous]

Give them a holiday when she visits.

Or have MIL stay in a hotel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell her any request to them must go through you. Done.

Tried that. All she does is confront the person the next day and badger them. She'll say something like, "I heard you don't want me to call you? Was I bothering you? I didn't think I was bothering you. They told me you think I'm bothering you."

Why does bothering even factor into it? Just tell her you want to be the one managing their time so any tasks for them should be directed to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell her any request to them must go through you. Done.

Tried that. All she does is confront the person the next day and badger them. She'll say something like, "I heard you don't want me to call you? Was I bothering you? I didn't think I was bothering you. They told me you think I'm bothering you."

Why does bothering even factor into it? Just tell her you want to be the one managing their time so any tasks for them should be directed to you.

That's the point - she gets offended and instead of backing off, she confronts. It has the opposite of the desired effect.

[Anonymous]

Ugh. I would hate being connected to someone like that.

How often and for how long does she visit? Is there a risk these people won't want to work for you?

My mother-in-law gives a bonus to her household help whenever she has visitors staying over. You could do that, as well as asking MIL not to bother the household staff. You could also explain to staff that she is elderly and has no filter.

[Anonymous]

Tell them in advance that MIL is a little cuckoo. Let them pretend they don't speak English.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Ugh. I would hate being connected to someone like that.

How often and for how long does she visit? Is there a risk these people won't want to work for you?

My mother-in-law gives a bonus to her household help whenever she has visitors staying over. You could do that, as well as asking MIL not to bother the household staff. You could also explain to staff that she is elderly and has no filter.

I would totally give extra money to anyone who has to deal with that. And I'd still remind MIL that all requests must go through you. Repeat as necessary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell them in advance that MIL is a little cuckoo. Let them pretend they don't speak English.

Ha! That's funny. Give them a bonus. Tell them to ignore her. Tell her you have instructed them to ignore her . How the fuck does mil have their numbers? That needs to stop ASAP.


Ps- I have a fucking terrible, crazy ass grandma, so I understand how this goes. It's nearly impossible to curb the behavior. People just don't get it.

[Anonymous]

Tell your MIL that your employees are busy with their full-time jobs carrying out the tasks that you, their employer, have assigned them, and that you have not factored in over-time to accommodate MIL's additional, ad-hoc requests. When your staff are off-duty, they are off-duty, as in - they are not on call. They are not to be called. If MIL calls them, then that is working time, and some one - you or MIL - are on the hook to pay for that time.

Tell your MIL that you manage your employees' time while on the clock, and they will be available for XYZ services during such & such hours during her visit, but any additional services, such as running errands, will need to be cleared through you ahead of time.

[Anonymous]

Teach the employees how to block her number.

[Anonymous]

I have you beat, OP. I know a neighbor who used to bother another neighbor's household help, by calling them - then try to deny it!

The staff either needs to not pick up her calls, or if they don't understand that concept, pay them extra. Convince them (should be easy) that the caller is whacko or off their meds. Done.

[Anonymous]

Your partner needs to be the one dealing with this. His/her mom, his/her problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your partner needs to be the one dealing with this. His/her mom, his/her problem.

+1. She's not listening to you.