MIL terrorizing household help

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have a couple household staff who work for us. When MIL visits, she runs them ragged. She has always been difficult but as she ages and her health declines she has become anxious to the point of exhausting everyone around her. She also says whatever comes into her head which has caused her to make disparaging comments about our employees' appearances and calls them to ask for things when they are not on the clock at our house. We have tried to set boundaries but she persists. How should I handle this situation?

Boundaries are meaningless unless there are consequences attached to crossing them. It's clear you can't actually force your MIL to stop doing this, so what are you willing to do if she won't? Having to stay at a hotel during the day when you're not home seems like a logical answer, but it sounds like you're not willing to do this.

[Anonymous]

Would it work for you to hire a caregiver or a companion for the times that MIL is in your home? Perhaps someone who could take her out to museums or shopping -- anything she'd enjoy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would it work for you to hire a caregiver or a companion for the times that MIL is in your home? Perhaps someone who could take her out to museums or shopping -- anything she'd enjoy.

That's a really good idea.

[Anonymous]

What a horrible employer. People have given great suggestions and all you have to say is "it's not that easy?" Ridiculous

[Anonymous]

Why and how does she have their numbers? That is inappropriate. You are adding to it by allowing this.

[Anonymous]

I started to write out a detailed response, but I had to delete it. I just got more and more angry with OP.

OP, here's the short of it - if you can't be a good employer, then you have no business having employees. If you have a MIL who "terrorizes" your employees to the point that they are in tears then the only solution is to ensure that your employees are not exposed to your MIL. Whether that means MIL does not stay with you, or employees get vacation when she comes is up to you. But its completely unacceptable that you force your employees to be around someone who harasses them and insults them and then come on DCUM wondering what you should do. Get your head out of you a--.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would it work for you to hire a caregiver or a companion for the times that MIL is in your home? Perhaps someone who could take her out to museums or shopping -- anything she'd enjoy.

That's a really good idea.

+1
Especially if your current nanny or housekeeper who knows someone who might be suitable...

[Anonymous]

Nanny here- I feel like you're telling my story!! I've been with the same family for 9 years and the grandparents are a real piece of work. They have told me to lose weight, questioned my routine, make giant messes and just all around act like entitled assholes. A few years ago the grandpa went off on me about something that had nothing to do with me, and they haven't stayed at the house since. DB told them if they want to visit they need to stay at a hotel.

[Anonymous]

OP, you are to blame and you are much worse thsn your MIL. I hope your employees quit en masse. You are despicable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I started to write out a detailed response, but I had to delete it. I just got more and more angry with OP.

OP, here's the short of it - if you can't be a good employer, then you have no business having employees. If you have a MIL who "terrorizes" your employees to the point that they are in tears then the only solution is to ensure that your employees are not exposed to your MIL. Whether that means MIL does not stay with you, or employees get vacation when she comes is up to you. But its completely unacceptable that you force your employees to be around someone who harasses them and insults them and then come on DCUM wondering what you should do. Get your head out of you a--.

+1. You and your husband need to prevent this harassment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your MIL is low-rent. You NEVER make requests of another's employee.

We had it out with my FIL, a Fox watching idiot, for trying to engage our beloved nanny in a political discussion. The nanny kept trying to bow out gracefully but FIL wouldn't let her. Finally we had to tell FIL to stop this shit or never be invited back to our home again. Period. End of discussion. My daughter has Downs Syndrome and a great nanny is hard to find for special needs kids.

How sad that you value a stranger over family.[/quote

What an insane response.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your MIL is low-rent. You NEVER make requests of another's employee.

We had it out with my FIL, a Fox watching idiot, for trying to engage our beloved nanny in a political discussion. The nanny kept trying to bow out gracefully but FIL wouldn't let her. Finally we had to tell FIL to stop this shit or never be invited back to our home again. Period. End of discussion. My daughter has Downs Syndrome and a great nanny is hard to find for special needs kids.

How sad that you value a stranger over family.[/quote

What an insane response.

PP doesn't like her FIL because he's conservative, and that clouds her opinion of him. That's what's insane.

[Anonymous]

Put her up in a hotel. We have some amount of this w/ one grandparent and the nanny. We have strict rules and if they break them they can't come. I won't have good people treated poorly in my house.

[Anonymous]

Give the housekeeper and the nanny the week off. Paid. Make other arrangements for your daughter for the week. Let the housework go.


If only it were that easy!

Oh FFS! It is that fucking easy!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. We are at work most of the day while MIL is at home with the nanny and housekeeper. She comes about four times a year for a week each time. DH has talked to her before but nothing seems to get through to her. MIL tried to kick the nanny out once and take over bedtime routine. She ties up the housekeeper with requests which causes her to run out of time for the scheduled tasks. She spoke down to the housekeeper and has raised her voice. She has made the nanny cry with comments about her appearance. It goes on and on. I know the anxiety is the root of the problem but she refuses to take medications. it is exhausting to have her here but DH feels duty bound, especially since her health has started to decline.

Give the housekeeper and the nanny the week off. Paid. Make other arrangements for your daughter for the week. Let the housework go.

If only it were that easy!

Have DH take the week off when his mother is in town.