discussing private school tuition with stepparent

[Anonymous]

I'm curious if any of you have had to discuss private school tuition with your second husbands (regarding paying tuition of your children/ their stepchildren)..... I just found out kids got into a top private school off the wait list and am curious how you discussed this... I work and can pay for their tuition, but it is still money coming out of our total household income....how to go about the decision to send kids to private school (as opposed to DC public schools) when you and your ex-husband agrees on it, but your new husband (the stepfather) may be on the fence/reluctant..... Any advice appreciated - from spouses, fellow stepparents, others who have been through this......

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm curious if any of you have had to discuss private school tuition with your second husbands (regarding paying tuition of your children/ their stepchildren)..... I just found out kids got into a top private school off the wait list and am curious how you discussed this... I work and can pay for their tuition, but it is still money coming out of our total household income....how to go about the decision to send kids to private school (as opposed to DC public schools) when you and your ex-husband agrees on it, but your new husband (the stepfather) may be on the fence/reluctant..... Any advice appreciated - from spouses, fellow stepparents, others who have been through this......

Have a discussion about budget?? Put everything on a spreadsheet and go through each line item??

That said, are you trying to get him to pay your kid's tuition? If it represents a large % of your budget, then this may be unreasonable.

[Anonymous]

You mention you work and can pay for it -but does that mean your contribution will be less to the monthly budget than it is now? Is that feasible? With our family, we have a set budget for household expenses and divide that out (based on the income of each spouse). This includes savings and household repairs. Anything beyond that- we use how we see fit. So- realistically, if I can afford private school tuition - I can go for it - no issues. If not, it means we open up a discussion on how to best handle the tuition and see if we can work out a fair solution. When he married me, he got my child as part of the package. He knew that and was OK with it.

[Anonymous]

Very good question and one that I wonder about too as a single parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You mention you work and can pay for it -but does that mean your contribution will be less to the monthly budget than it is now? Is that feasible? With our family, we have a set budget for household expenses and divide that out (based on the income of each spouse). This includes savings and household repairs. Anything beyond that- we use how we see fit. So- realistically, if I can afford private school tuition - I can go for it - no issues. If not, it means we open up a discussion on how to best handle the tuition and see if we can work out a fair solution. When he married me, he got my child as part of the package. He knew that and was OK with it.

True, a child is part of the package but private school is a luxury

[Anonymous]

Stepparent here- would your support checks be put toward the tuition? It is dad willing to pay x for school instead of monthly support? How will that work out? Would your children w your current husband be going to public school? We would be stretched really thin if our family was put in this scenario. A lot would depend on how much financial aid was given and what the divide of payment between families would be.

[Anonymous]

Should be just another discussion. He knew you had kids when he married you. It comes with the territory. He may have married you but he took on a family.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks - we are overdue for a financial /budget conversation regardless - Paying for the kids private school tuition would likely take up 1/2 or 1/3 of my salary after taxes....

[Anonymous]

News flash, it's not that hard to get in and it doesn't mean you should go

[Anonymous]

I am remarried. My husband and I decide what works for our family and our finances. If my child was accepted into an expensive private school, it would have only happened because DH and I had already decided that we could afford it if she got in. The negotiations would already have occurred.

If we did not agree that we could afford the tuition, then I would tell my ex that we would love for DD to attend Fanciest School but can't afford the tuition. He would be welcome to foot the whole bill if that was important to him.

[Anonymous]

I have two kids with an ex, and my current husband has two kids from his ex. It's really not a big deal to discuss anything about the kids - we all bust our asses to give the kids everything we can that will be good for them. One goes to a different school than the other three, because it's a better fit for him. I discuss it with DH the same way we discuss what to have for dinner. It's not some Big Heavy Discussion.

[Anonymous]

Private schools are a waste of money.

Does he have kids that aren't yours? Did he pay for them to go to private school?

[Anonymous]

Well there are a lot of moving parts here financially but I am sure dh will give you the best hearing and support he can- don't be scared have this discussion today op!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Private schools are a waste of money.

Does he have kids that aren't yours? Did he pay for them to go to private school?

Fairly bold an stereotypical statement.

Some are and some aren't worth it. It always facinates me the number of parents at my sons school who leave thinking it isn't worth it and the next year are back.

It is student and family need dependent.

[Anonymous]

You just need to talk to him. Remember it may be an issue for him if he has other kids and has to pay child support/other stuff for them and also paying a bulk of your household expenses.