discussing private school tuition with stepparent

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Should be just another discussion. He knew you had kids when he married you. It comes with the territory. He may have married you but he took on a family.

+100000

Discuss it the same way you would discuss paying for the schooling of a biological child. You're a unit now, not two camps.

Another plus one million. I'm a stepparent and also a bioparent. Discussions about finances in our house involve both the adults in the household, regardless of which child they are related to. I would be livid if DH made a decision that seriously impacted our family's finances without discussing it with me. Doesn't matter if it's tuition for his child (my stepchild), quitting his job, or buying a Porsche.

Luckily, he's an awesome husband and great dad to both of his kids. We have a good marriage. OP, if it's going to eat up that much of your income I do think it's a decision that your spouse needs to be involved in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks folks for your replies. I know my husband will support me sending kids to private school, but know it will also be a financial strain and don't want us to feel resentment downstream..... I also feel guilty as I went to public school, myself, and feel guilty leaving the system for private...

I'm a woman, and if I had to eat ramen because my stepchild is being sent to a private school, when there's a perfectly viable public school alternative, I would 100% resent this. Maybe not in the beginning, but eventually.

I don't think this is ramen level. Maybe it's "pack lunch daily and only one vacation a year" level. Not that bad.

Well that's for OP and spouse to determine, right??

To me - packing lunch daily is not a big deal, even though I don't do this. However, I have a high stress job, and having only one vacation a year would be a big deal.

I seem to remember OP saying that the tuition represented 1/3 to 1/2 of HER income alone. That seems like a lot of money to me, unless she were only making $10K. And if she means pre-tax income, that what she really wants is for her spouse to foot the majority or all of the household bills.

My guess is that they really can't afford private school.

[Anonymous]

Can't remember - did OP ever say whether new husband had biological kids. If so, did those kids go to public school or private? Stepkids should probably do whatever bio kids did.

[Anonymous]

There are some private schools that are absolutely worth the cost in terms of social connections and the such. Phillips Exeter, Andover, etc. In the DC area -- Sidwell Friends, yes.

Now in some cases -- living in a terrible school district, your child has a variety of learning needs or behavioral problems ... private is the way to go.

But for most kids living in JKLMM-land, west of I-270 in MoCo, and in a top 10 HS zone in Fairfax County ... not really worth it. Not with the stellar publics.