Anyone else find it hard to be around pregnant friends?
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Anonymous
| DH and I have been TTC for a while and we are not having success. It's been frustrating and as time goes on I am finding it hard to be around pregnant women. They seem to be everywhere, at work, on social media, next to me on the metro, and hardest of all, some of our friends. I find it especially painful to be around younger friends who are pregnant and to see their swollen bellies, to hear how it happened so fast/the first time, to be quizzed about if we are trying, to hear the details of their pregnancies, etc. I am a private person and I am not sharing our fertility struggles with friends because I don't want to discuss it. While I am happy for them, to be honest I just don't really want to be around them right now. Does that make me a horrible person? In reality, I am not avoiding my pregnant friends and they probably have no idea how I feel. I am sucking it up and being happy for them, but it's hard for me and I feel like shit. Can anyone relate? |
Anonymous
| How long is "for a while"? |
Anonymous
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It's hard. You just get used to it. I try to tell myself it's good luck to see pregnant women.
I have found the best thing is to aggressively change the subject away from pregnancy. Most people will catch on eventually. |
Anonymous
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OP I can relate. You just start noticing them everywhere. As far as friends go, I did share my struggles and multiple losses and now at least they don't coo as loudly and as much when I'm in the room (the discussions don't stop but everyone is aware of people's feelings at least)
I'm so sorry your goin through this. |
Anonymous
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Less than a year so I can't do infertility stuff yet. But I'm nearly 34 and have been wanting kinds for years. DH kept resisting but now that he's finally on board I am worried we waited too long. (I wanted to start years ago.) He kept telling me I would get pregnant right away, which I thought was BS. And I also recently learned the extent of my sister's infertility issues, which is freaking me out as I am worried that I am going to have the same problems....
Sorry to vent, I just feel super emotional lately and I am worried it's never going to happen.... |
Anonymous
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Yea you should probably share a little bit, OP. Something even as simple as "hasn't happened yet" to those who ask might shut them up. If you keep avoiding the question, it's going to keep coming.
As for you being annoyed by the pregnant women you see around the city, try to remember that these women aren't out getting pregnant just to rub it in your face. It's not a personal slight. I know it's hard. |
Anonymous
I felt for you until you said less than a year. You are just impatient and don't have "fertility struggles." I also think it's crazy you already feel like you can't be around anyone pregnant. What will you do if it takes 2 years? Hide in your house? Ugh. |
Anonymous
| I don't think it's fair to attack OP for being impatient. She didn't say she is avoiding her friends who are pregnant, just confessing it's hard to be around them. Surely some of us can relate. I know I can. Would she be justified if she had been trying for more than a year? Two years? The whole TTC process can be really frustrating. |
Anonymous
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OP, I was you when I was 33. I would ask you the following questions:
1. If you've been trying less than a year, does that mean 4 months or 11 months? 2. Have you been trying every month at the correct time? Are you using a clearblue monitor or ovulation tests or something else highly reliable and trying every month at the right time over multiple days? If you've been trying for 8-12 months and you've been trying for all those months knowing when you ovulate with certainty, then I would schedule an appointment with an RE now and just start the diagnostic testing process. It will probably take you a month or two to get an initial appointment and then getting the tests done will take another cycle or two. If you are going to need to go that road, get started and start figuring it out because it's not easy or short. And if you get pregnant in the meantime, great. Good luck. |
Anonymous
Well, she might hide in her house some days. Has it ever taken you 2 years to get pregnant? It's pretty damn rough and you do the best you can. It's NOT crazy to feel bad about other people being pregnant when you are struggling. It's normal. It's how you handle and cope with these normal feelings that matters. OP, you do the best you can to be gracious and happy for others and when you feel bad, you cry in private and you tell your mom/sister/husband/best friend/whoever. |
Anonymous
| Baader-Meinhof Phenomenon, OP. You have recently become focused on pregnancy, so you're seeing it everywhere. It happened to me too! |
Anonymous
| OP mentions her sister had fertility issues. Is that something she should be concerned about? I don't know and am just asking the group at large. I don't know if genetics come into play with fertility but it would seem reasonable to me that if her sister had struggles, she would too, right? |
Anonymous
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I think the reason for her sister's infertility struggles would be a big factor. If it's endometriosis or some kind of uterine abnormality or premature ovarian failure or something, I might say yes, that might run in families. But it could very well be the sister's husband. He could have sperm issues.
I had infertility issues and I was officially diagnosed as unexplained, but my husband had some borderline sperm issues. My sister popped out babies with no trouble. |
Anonymous
| I don't go around anyone I don't want to. Lucky for us, nine of our close friends have kids yet but I'm sure that will gear up soon as many couples have gotten married in the last 1-2 years. Take it easy on yourself and don't do anything that makes you uncomfortable. |
Anonymous
Lol NONE, not nine |