Anyone else find it hard to be around pregnant friends?

[Anonymous]

OP here. My sister had unexplained infertility. She tried for a year before interventions with both kids she has. After a year she and her husband both had a full fertility work up. They both came back fine. Her doc thought it was endometriosis so she had more tests for that and surgery,
but they didn't find anything. Clomid ended up being what got her pregnant with both kids.

[Anonymous]

OP (I'm the pp that posted early on about my issues). Trying under a year at your (and my) age is normal so try to relax. I tried for a year and had my first MC about 15 after we started trying (timing, ovulation etc). I'm now past two solid years of trying with bloodwork and tests etc. there is no easy way to get throught it but you have to get at least a little zen about it otherwise it eats you and you can't think about anything else. I really feel for people who have had a longer IF struggle and try to be conscious of that. I've had 6 friends in the intervenig 2 years give birth, 3 to their second child (and all said they tried for a month or two) You let yourself have a bad day or a bad week but don't become a hermit, I didn't go to a shower when it was at the absolute worst week for me. But at least one person there (not the mom) knew about my issues and got why I wasn't there.

[Anonymous]

Hang in there, OP. These feelings are totally normal. We've been trying for #2 for the past two years. I can get through most days, but sometimes I need a break. For example, I didn't go to a baby shower when I was miscarrying.

[Anonymous]

DH's cousin is pregnant and her shower is next month. I want to cry just thinking about going. More because I know we'll be asked why we aren't pregnant.

It's been a bad day and my whole life just makes me want to cry. I mommy tracked myself about 2 years ago when we started TTC. Every day I'm just SO happy to have a 5 minute commute home to nothing...

[Anonymous]

Gradually I am starting to feel like that after a year of trying and 1 failed IVF cycle that left me really scarred.

[Anonymous]

OP--at 34 after nine cycles of timed intercourse, my OB suggested we go ahead and do three day bloodwork and then an HSG, just to make sure nothing was wrong. DH went ahead and got the sperm analysis done at close to a year, so when we went to Shady Grove for an initial assessment all the results were in front of us.

It wouldn't hurt to schedule an appointment if you need to feel like you are doing something.

[Anonymous]

OP, I understand that you're a private person, but maybe it would help to take one of your friends aside and explain what's going on. Obviously your friends can't stop being pregnant in your presence, but maybe one friend can gently tell the others to tone it down on the "when is it YOUR turn, OP?" type comments.

I'm newly pregnant and my best friend is struggling with infertility. If I didn't know that she was struggling, I would be emailing her daily about my pregnancy, and I would be breaking her heart with every single email. That would kill me. I don't want to be that kind of friend. I bet your friends don't want to be, either.

I wish you all the best.

[Anonymous]

To get pregnant with my DD took about 15 cycles of timed intercourse, charting, doing everything under the sun. Sometimes it just takes awhile. By 8 or 9 mos I was where you are. My cousin and his wife announced ther pregnancy 3 mos after their wedding and I had to really stop myself from being a crazy bitchy jealous person. I got pregnant on our own the last cycle before we were finally going to do an IUI. My DD is the best. And I think she was just the one we were meant to have and she was worth waiting for. I was 34 and I did what a PP mentioned at 9 mos - I saw an RE and my DH had his sperm tested. It was great to rule that out as an issue and it calmed me down a little. Then we decided to try in our own a couple of months before starting the process.

You don't have to hang out with every pregnant friend or go to showers. I was also super private about it and did not discuss it with anyone. Now I do talk about it with people and it is like a weight lifted. When people asked when we were going to have kids I would say "oh whenever we are blessed." It shut people right up. We aren't even religious!

[Anonymous]

Jealousy and envy are two useless emotions. Change your attitude and you change your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Jealousy and envy are two useless emotions. Change your attitude and you change your life.

Not OP, but I think it's not jealousy. Mine is more sadness over a life that I don't have yet. I'm very happy for my friends and don't wish them ill. Being around pregnant people just brings out emotions I can normally avoid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Jealousy and envy are two useless emotions. Change your attitude and you change your life.

You have no idea what you're talking about. jealousy or envy is when you wish you had your friend's fancy bag or car or big fat wedding. Now imagine if someone's parents passed away and that person felt sad on Mothers' day or Fathers' day or, heck, on Christmas. This is more like OP is talking about. Being sad of not being able to have a little one yet.