bully coworker
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Anonymous
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I feel like I'm in a terrible spot. I work for the federal government in a somewhat dysfunctional office environment. I've been with the government for about 10 years but I am young for the federal workforce. I'm relatively new to this agency. I have a colleague that is at the same level as me on my team but is significantly older. When I started he did not get along well with a coworker who has since left and took on tactics to belittle the coworker and decrease my coworker's credibility. Since that coworker left the bully has directed his attention toward me. Most of what he does is very subtle and hard to elaborate on. But every now and then he takes actions that are more overt. He will do things like not talk to me for several weeks because my boss is giving me a project that he wanted to work on, confront me with something minor and call me a liar when I explain the situation, make faces about when I say things and meetings. We recently had a run in that left me very uneasy because I felt like he was attacking me. Nobody was around to hear it which made me even more uncomfortable.
I reported incidents to my boss in the past and I think my boss has talk to him about this however all my boss really seems to tell me to do is to continue to documenting the situation. I started to look for new work and I'm frustrated that this is the action that I have to take because I really like my agency. but I don't see this person leaving anytime soon. I also don't see his behavior improving because anytime I reported anything to my Boss my colleague retaliates more the next time. I also don't want to be viewed as a difficult coworker and this situation makes it hard for me to assert myself in other areas. |
Anonymous
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This is a tough one. I'd document the hell out of it and copy the bully and the boss.
"This is the 3rd email request for the data. I have yet to receive a response." "Yesterday I spoke with you in the conference room about the Jones Report. I asked when it would be finished. You said, 'You'll get it when I'm good and ready.' I then asked again when I would have it, and you walked away." Just put it all out in the open. Report exactly what was said. Don't include how it made you feel or why you think it was happening. The key is to include both the bully and your boss. It puts both of them on notice that you will not tolerate it. Good luck. |
Anonymous
Is the boss aware of this? |
Anonymous
Yes the boss is aware of previous incidents and has spoke with the bully, but nothing really changes because after a while he starts acting out again. |
Anonymous
| Have you asked your boss who do you think will leave the agency first? She has already lost one person, may motivate her to step up the pressure on the problem person. |
Anonymous
Be direct. Just be direct. The coworker does this because you do nothing. Makes a face in a meeting "Oh coworker I can see you are smirking. Can you add your thoughts?" |
Anonymous
NP here. BAD IDEA. Unless OP is certain that the boss really values her over the other employee, I would not take the approach you suggest because it sounds like an ultimatum. OP, here's my take: 1) The boss can't really do much to help you. If it is a Federal agency and the bully coworker has a lot of time in, the boss can only do so much because both boss and bully coworker knows that it's going to be difficult to fire bully coworker. And boss really only has leverage if coworker knows that the consequences could be severe. It seems to me that bully coworker knows that there aren't going to be severe consequences. And for whatever reason, the boss can only do so much, especially if bully coworker is still performing (getting his work done at a satisfactory level). The only way the boss can really put the coworker on probation is if the coworker isn't performing or if the "bullying" is akin to sexual harassment or discrimination. My sense is that in government and even in the private sector, it's very hard to put an employee on probation for not getting along with another employee. And not talking to you, making faces -- all that amounts to is not getting along. 2) You are also entering into the territory where you will start to be seen as the problem. Document everything, but I think you need to stop going to the boss. Not only is it making the bully worse, but you are likely becoming an annoyance to your boss, especially if your complaints are not directly about work product but more about interpersonal relations. 3) You need disengage with the bully. Take initiative to get projects and work that doesn't include or involve bully. 4) If something the bully does can be interpreted as harassment or creating a hostile work environment, then go to HR -- not the boss. Think of it this way: Issues with work and performance are directed to the boss. Issues of being harassed, intimidated, discriminated against, et cetera, are directed to HR. But you have to be careful if you go to HR. Make sure you have a clear and credible complaint. 5) If the bully is unavoidable and starts to impact your performance, then you have to have an exit strategy. It's a shame. I would hazard a guess that your coworker who left because of the bully likely didn't tell your boss or HR that he/she was leaving because of the bully. That burns bridges. He/she probably gave some BS "I want to try other things excuse," so it will be impossible for you to make the case to your boss or HR that one person "has already left because of so and so." It just won't fly. And that person left because he/she realized that bully wasn't going to leave. What makes you think that you will be more successful at getting rid of bully than the coworker? If I were you, I would double down on trying to leave, get transferred, et cetera. |
Anonymous
If the bully is retaliating, then that means that the boss is letting the bully know that you are complaining. The boss is part of the problem here. If bully has been allowed to behave like this for a while and has already chased one coworker away, then the boss is also a problem. As I said in a previous post, I would double down on efforts to leave. Not only do you have a bully coworker, but you also have an ineffective boss who isn't doing you any favors. |
Anonymous
| Does this jerk do it to others as well as you? |
Anonymous
| Try to find anew job. In the meantime, dish it out 10x harder to bully co-worker. |
Anonymous
| Turn a new corner. Don't look or speak to bully coworker. He doesn't exist. If you have to communicate with him, only communicate via email. It's time for you to play the game back. |
Anonymous
Unfortunately ignoring my coworker like that would be considered bullying in my workplace and I'm trying to make sure whatever I do is above board. also, the nature of our work requires that we meet as a group throughout the week. So pretending he doesn't exist isn't an option. |
Anonymous
| This is the kind of crap I envision happening every day, in every govt office, all the time. |
Anonymous
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OP, I lived through a similar situation at a fed. agency a few years ago (in fact, I am wondering if I might be the person who left that you referred to...)
I would say that if you really don't want to leave, then you need to consider a new strategy. Going to the boss isn't working, either because the bully isn't afraid of what the boss might do, or because the boss isn't actually seeking to help you. So you need a new plan. I would suggest and getting senior management/HR involved. File a formal complaint. CC the boss, the senior manager in the department, and HR. This puts both the boss on notice, and should get the bully's attention, unless he's totally messed up. This does carry risks for you, but you are better off doing this from a fed. agency. They can't just fire you. Maybe they send you home on admin leave with pay while they work it out...! Good luck. |
Anonymous
I'm sorry but this poster is spot on. I would continue to document the incidents and maintain your professionalism. I would be factual when discussing this with your boss but you need to move on. I came in to my current position at the end of a situation like this. The person I replaced was much like the bully you describe. My boss waited too long to do something about it and, as a result, lost a number of good people. As a PP said, because this is the gov't, it takes a while to get rid of the person. By the time he did, morale in the office was rock bottom and only those who couldn't get another job were left. It sucked. Hugs. |