NCS Parents - "I wish I had known x" type advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well then, guessing you do not spend much time volunteering for the school. You can not possibly be this clueless. The fact that you know so little tells me you do just about nada....should you be doing anything aside from writing a check you would be getting feedback....have you ever bothered to ask another parent, how is your daughter doing? I highly doubt it. No personal knowledge tells me,you have none.

I have in fact asked that very question of several parents. While volunteering, even! And I get NO response about bullying or unhappiness or anything like right you all describe on this anonymous board. The most I have gotten is complaints about the workload.

That is why I said I have no personal knowledge of NCS being worse than anywhere else, since I hear the same complaints from friends ith children at other schools.

Here's where your credibility is suspect. You've heard the same nature of complaints about other schools? Really? NCS is in a league of its own.

NCS is in a league of its own in terms of workload? I highly doubt that. That is the nature of the only complaints that I have heard from parents when I have directly and pointedly asked. Nothing about the "soul sucking" that you anonymously post about here, which is why I now doubt that it is nearly as widespread as you pretend.

[Anonymous]

PP You seem to have misunderstood "league of its own" - that refers to the mean moms and mean girls, not workload. As the prinicpal inspiration for the movie "Mean Girls," I'd say NCS is indeed in its own league.

[Anonymous]

Is anyone else thinking there is a booster from another school keeping this thread at the top of the forum. Any true fan of the school would just let the thread die.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

[Previous comments snipped to avoid unnecessary length.]

The question I have is this: Will those NCS apologists similarly allow that there are many unhappy girls at NCS, as opposed to accusing anyone who says so of lying, being unqualified, sour grapes, etc? It would be refreshing for the NCS defender to actually admit that many girls find the school's atmosphere difficult.

You undoubtedly consider me one of the defenders, but I have not accused anyone here of lying, being unqualified, being a troll, etc. I have no reason to apologize for any statement I have made, and I have no personal knowledge of there being more unhappy girls at NCS than there are at any other high school in the area.

So I gather your answer is "No, I will not admit there are many unhappy girls at NCS." Your refusal is belied by the many stories of unhappy NCS girls told on this thread. I'm sure there are happy girls at NCS too, but it seems clear there are loads of unhappy ones. And that unhappiness goes far beyond just the normal complaints about homework that you point to. Other NCS posters (even ones with happy daughters) have admitted that the atmosphere is a difficult one. Why can't you admit it too?

I also am surprised by your claim that you have not criticized any of the brave NCS parents who told how their daughters struggled. Several examples of such criticism are listed below (although certainly not all of them). Perhaps none of them came from you, but I somehow doubt that ....

page 28, 10:48 -- NCS defender accusing others of "sock puppeting"

page 30 -- NCS defender saying a student's struggles must have some other source: "I'm sure it is convenient to blame the school, but maybe you should also examine all the other factors in her life."

page 30 -- NCS defender suggesting the problems at NCS are mostly made up: "...some of us are questioning exactly how widespread "all" these cries for help are..."

page 30 -- NCS defender saying those experiencing problems may have sub-standard children: "I know it's difficult to admit that our DD is not up to the challenge, but did any of you disgruntled NCS moms consider the possibility that your daughters might be better off in a less rigorous school?"

page 30 -- NCS defender suggesting that those girls struggling must not have any "aspirations far beyond playing tennis and exercising to the latest Denise Austin video" -- really offensive IMHO

page 31 -- problems must be the fault of the parents who complain: "I think that parents of some of these girls are what is driving the intensely competitive atmosphere--- not the school/administration itself."

page 33 -- NCS defender again suggesting stories of many struggling NCS girls are false: " ... I now doubt that it [the claims of struggles] is nearly as widespread as you pretend"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

[Previous comments snipped to avoid unnecessary length.]

The question I have is this: Will those NCS apologists similarly allow that there are many unhappy girls at NCS, as opposed to accusing anyone who says so of lying, being unqualified, sour grapes, etc? It would be refreshing for the NCS defender to actually admit that many girls find the school's atmosphere difficult.

You undoubtedly consider me one of the defenders, but I have not accused anyone here of lying, being unqualified, being a troll, etc. I have no reason to apologize for any statement I have made, and I have no personal knowledge of there being more unhappy girls at NCS than there are at any other high school in the area.

So I gather your answer is "No, I will not admit there are many unhappy girls at NCS." Your refusal is belied by the many stories of unhappy NCS girls told on this thread. I'm sure there are happy girls at NCS too, but it seems clear there are loads of unhappy ones. And that unhappiness goes far beyond just the normal complaints about homework that you point to. Other NCS posters (even ones with happy daughters) have admitted that the atmosphere is a difficult one. Why can't you admit it too?

I also am surprised by your claim that you have not criticized any of the brave NCS parents who told how their daughters struggled. Several examples of such criticism are listed below (although certainly not all of them). Perhaps none of them came from you, but I somehow doubt that ....

page 28, 10:48 -- NCS defender accusing others of "sock puppeting"

page 30 -- NCS defender saying a student's struggles must have some other source: "I'm sure it is convenient to blame the school, but maybe you should also examine all the other factors in her life."

page 30 -- NCS defender suggesting the problems at NCS are mostly made up: "...some of us are questioning exactly how widespread "all" these cries for help are..."

page 30 -- NCS defender saying those experiencing problems may have sub-standard children: "I know it's difficult to admit that our DD is not up to the challenge, but did any of you disgruntled NCS moms consider the possibility that your daughters might be better off in a less rigorous school?"

page 30 -- NCS defender suggesting that those girls struggling must not have any "aspirations far beyond playing tennis and exercising to the latest Denise Austin video" -- really offensive IMHO

page 31 -- problems must be the fault of the parents who complain: "I think that parents of some of these girls are what is driving the intensely competitive atmosphere--- not the school/administration itself."

page 33 -- NCS defender again suggesting stories of many struggling NCS girls are false: " ... I now doubt that it [the claims of struggles] is nearly as widespread as you pretend"

I am the "NCS Defender" you are addressing. I posted about the questioning how widespread these problems are, given that I have asked and received exactly zero confirmation from a single parent at the school about anything other than the workload. That is not saying your dds are having great experiences, or that there are no mean girls, nor is it accusing you of lying. And again, find me where anyone - much less me - has said the quotation that I bolded for you (which I believe you just made up).

You act as if there is one person defending the school, but thousands attacking it. I am not even saying that the truth is the reverse, just that I can find no support for all of the things being written here by talking to parents. And I have asked, repeatedly, especially after reading this thread. I came back to this thread to report that, and you attack me. I recommend instead that you start speaking out to other parents you meet if you are so concerned. Or taking it up with the administration. But to go on an anonymous board and spew such venom as you (collectively) are - without more than anecdotal support from an unknown number of posters (2? 3? 12? who knows?) - is not effective. I m not, however, going to say that there are many unhappy girls at NCS based on what could be the musings of one or two disgruntled parents. Because that shows a definite lack of critical thinking and judgment. Gossip is as gossip does.

[Anonymous]

What "proof" do you want? I'm not going to out my DD. Its bad enough that she went through it. I have written about the competitiveness and the way the girls don't extend a hand when a girl is having a rough time and the way the school administration blames the girl who is having a rough time and could care less about the school atmosphere. I wrote that this is our experience but also the experience of quite of few other girls, as told to me by their mothers -- girls I had assumed from outer appearances were happy. It is far from one or two girls that I have heard about. In fact, I can only think of one or two girls in my DD's class who were affirmatively happy. I have not complained about the workload. My daughter was a terrific student and we had no concerns about the academics, except for the competitiveness.

I can't prove any of this. Of course it is anecdotal in the sense that we don't have it on video or anything. But it is not gossip -- it is our direct experience. In our case, we did bring it up with the school and they could care less. And I have spoken with other parents, which is how I know it is widespread. I believe you and your DD are happy. Why are you saying I am lying?

Its not even venom I am expressing, it is sadness. I was really invested in this school. I volunteered. When DD first started I was very happy, I really loved the place, and continued to have a great deal of affection for the teachers. It is because of this affection that I feel so betrayed. I feel that sending my daughter to NCS was the worst parenting decision I made, and it really breaks my heart to admit that. I can't even drive by the place without feeling a wave of sadness.

I realize that there is one poster here who will never believe me. Honestly, I don;t care -- I think she is working awfully hard to discount all of our experiences, but OK, thats her right. I post because my direct discussions with the school failed so maybe if they see this being aired in public they will give it some thought. And I also post because, sad though this makes me, I really hope other parents don't make the same mistake we did. I would love to see the school make the changes it needs to become the amazing school it could be.

[Anonymous]

Well said, 12:01. I am 10:12. I was going to respond to 11:12, but you said it better than I could.

[Anonymous]

Well said, 11:12. I was going to respond to 10:12, but you said it better than I could.

What I find so bizarre about this whole thread is that the people whose children hated NCS refuse to acknowledge how many girls love the school. You can only think of one or two girls in DD's class who were happy? Really?

I believe that you and your daughter were unhappy. Why can't you believe that my daughter and I are happy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well said, 11:12. I was going to respond to 10:12, but you said it better than I could.

What I find so bizarre about this whole thread is that the people whose children hated NCS refuse to acknowledge how many girls love the school. You can only think of one or two girls in DD's class who were happy? Really?

I believe that you and your daughter were unhappy. Why can't you believe that my daughter and I are happy?

NP. You can't be serious. Are you trying to imply that the majority of the girls in the upper school are happy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well said, 11:12. I was going to respond to 10:12, but you said it better than I could.

What I find so bizarre about this whole thread is that the people whose children hated NCS refuse to acknowledge how many girls love the school. You can only think of one or two girls in DD's class who were happy? Really?

I believe that you and your daughter were unhappy. Why can't you believe that my daughter and I are happy?

I'm 10:12. I specifically acknowledged that there are happy girls at NCS. Other posters who are critical of NCS also have agreed there are happy girls there. (I can quote them if you'd like.) We are being reasonable. If you tell me your NCS daughter is happy, I believe you.

What I find unreasonable is how some NCS apologists refuse to admit the converse. They refuse to believe the many people posting here about unhappy NCS students. They accuse the unhappy NCS parents of sock puppeting; they say the daughters' troubles must come from unhappy home life; say the unhappy daughters must be too weak to cut it at NCS; and they accuse posters of making it all up.

Why don't you believe all of the people who are telling their stories here? Why do you deny and deflect the truth of their experiences?

[Anonymous]

I don't have a daughter at NCS but I do know 5 people with daughters there (varying grades from 5-9th.) I do know that all 5 girls are and have been very happy there. I have been interested in these families' opinions bc we may look at NCS for our daughter. Interestingly the educational psychologist we have worked has been slightly more negative on NCS. This individual has said that it works very well for a certain type of girl/student (in which case it's a wonderful school.) She did say also that the group of mothers she has seen there have been a huge part of the problem, more so than the school itself. I guess my take away is that unlike other schools which feel they can meet the needs of all students, NCS is only going to work for a certain kind of girl.

[Anonymous]

I have posted several times that I believe your daughter is happy and that there are happy girls there.

Yes, I can only think of two girls in my daughters class who were happy. My daughter says the same thing. I do not know of "many girls who love the school" above the 10th grade.

If you have an older child and you speak with other parents, I can't see how you avoid the fact that many girls are unhappy. Maybe they don't share with you because you are a cheerleader. They share with me.

I wish it were different.

[Anonymous]

The time wasted denying reality and defending the indefensible should be devoted to demanding improvement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have posted several times that I believe your daughter is happy and that there are happy girls there.

Yes, I can only think of two girls in my daughters class who were happy. My daughter says the same thing. I do not know of "many girls who love the school" above the 10th grade.

If you have an older child and you speak with other parents, I can't see how you avoid the fact that many girls are unhappy. Maybe they don't share with you because you are a cheerleader. They share with me.

I wish it were different.

DING DING DING WE HAVE A WINNER!

People were not really very frank with us about the upper school experience until they were done. Then the truth comes out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is anyone else thinking there is a booster from another school keeping this thread at the top of the forum. Any true fan of the school would just let the thread die.

NP here with no connection to NCS except DD was accepted but went elsewhere. Yes, I have wondered if a booster from another school, in fact from a very specic school, keeps bumping this thread up. I have no proof, but the angry poster's behavior is very strange.