How do you stay married to an ASD HFA Aspergers husband?

[Anonymous]

Just curious: How are your ASD husbands with money and household finances?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just curious: How are your ASD husbands with money and household finances?

Mine was very good with small items. Looking for the cheapest of anything sometimes became an obsession. On large items he was a mess and he also hid finances causing us huge hardship. He also lost his job multiple times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just curious: How are your ASD husbands with money and household finances?

Mine was very good with small items. Looking for the cheapest of anything sometimes became an obsession. On large items he was a mess and he also hid finances causing us huge hardship. He also lost his job multiple times.

Mine barely spends and leaves all finances to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just curious: How are your ASD husbands with money and household finances?

Not much. He does hide things like late bills, late bonuses, and our tax guy hates working with him. Like pulling teeth to get info.

Mine doesn’t spend much, unless on early adopter Apple and tech products- his other exception besides working in a narrow industry.

He’s not in to investing. If asked he’ll pull an article on google news and recite that.

He hates details or looking in to things and loathes talking with others - for references or referrals or to define a scope of a house project (ie paint job, new flooring, repair a sink leak). He panics, says he needs to work and takes the first guy to call and whatever that guy first says to do and charge. Yes yes yes, bye!

We no longer let him handle repairs or repairmen or large projects. His lack of knowledge, the poor communication, and the poor executive functioning would result in total disasters. Lack of common sense basically. Getting ripped off, getting upsold on unnecessary pool equipment, buying an appliance too large to fit in the kitchen or laundry room because he “forgot” to measure, forgetting to book flights or hotels he said he would and then we have to overpay at the last minute. And so on.

Even grocery shopping results in things off list and forgotten things. Just too busy or lazy or out of it to care. And he can rarely make the list besides his own half and half. Me me me. Never what is the family doing this week and what do we need.

Everything he does needs to be checked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just curious: How are your ASD husbands with money and household finances?

Mine is really, really good with money and household finances, especially investing. It helps that it's an objective thing with built-in rewards (invest smartly=balance goes up), so he gets a dopamine reward from it. He has a small portion of our investments that he uses for "fun" investments which he does in a way that aligns with his special interests. He's also great with credit card miles and points and airline miles redemptions because one of his special interests is travel.

He's not cheap per se, but can lack perspective when it comes to everyday household expenses and necessary spending. At times he's been blind to the costs of things and gotten frustrated with how much money it takes to feed and clothe children. I had to sit him down with receipts and a spreadsheet when our kid was a baby for him to understand that yes, babies cost a certain minimum amount of money. At the same time, he has some weird hangups about brands- I think this stems from him needing to have external standards of social acceptability and brands help him navigate that territory.

[Anonymous]

Alcohol abuse as a coping method makes it untenable much more quickly

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just curious: How are your ASD husbands with money and household finances?

Mine is really, really good with money and household finances, especially investing. It helps that it's an objective thing with built-in rewards (invest smartly=balance goes up), so he gets a dopamine reward from it. He has a small portion of our investments that he uses for "fun" investments which he does in a way that aligns with his special interests. He's also great with credit card miles and points and airline miles redemptions because one of his special interests is travel.

He's not cheap per se, but can lack perspective when it comes to everyday household expenses and necessary spending. At times he's been blind to the costs of things and gotten frustrated with how much money it takes to feed and clothe children. I had to sit him down with receipts and a spreadsheet when our kid was a baby for him to understand that yes, babies cost a certain minimum amount of money. At the same time, he has some weird hangups about brands- I think this stems from him needing to have external standards of social acceptability and brands help him navigate that territory.

Ah that’s interesting. My husband sounds similar. My DH is extremely detailed when it comes to household expenses but he’s terrible communicating and any disagreement about finances is painful to wade through.