How to cut off parents

[Anonymous]

For a variety of reasons, I have determined to end my relationship with my parents (they are divorced). For those of you with minimal or no contact with your parents, how did you do it? Did you write a letter, make a declaration, or simply stop initiating contact? Insight and experiences appreciated. Thanks.

[Anonymous]

I think the answer to this is really context-dependent, and very personal. When I cut off my father, I simply stopped responding. He wasn't big on reaching out in the first place and I knew making a declaration wasn't going to change anything, so it was an easy route to take. For a period of time I was estranged from my mother (my parents are divorced, my mother and I have reconciled but the relationship is still cool), but there I did tell during an argument that I needed a break from her and our relationship, and I'd contact her when/if I was ready to.

[Anonymous]

Do not declare- that will undermine your efforts. Simply stop initiating or communicating. But you need to ask yourself:

1. Will you continue to receive calls?
2. Will you respond to an email?
3. What even would make you reestablish contact? (ie. parental illness)?
4. What will you say to anyone who asks on your parents behalf? (The answer to this is not to burst into anger and flame your parents to everyone.)
5. What would have to change withing your family to reestablish contact?

[Anonymous]

So sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do not declare- that will undermine your efforts. Simply stop initiating or communicating. But you need to ask yourself:

1. Will you continue to receive calls?
2. Will you respond to an email?
3. What even would make you reestablish contact? (ie. parental illness)?
4. What will you say to anyone who asks on your parents behalf? (The answer to this is not to burst into anger and flame your parents to everyone.)
5. What would have to change withing your family to reestablish contact?

Good questions. I thought making a declaration would make things more clear, but maybe it's not really necessary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So sad.

OP here. Yes, it's very sad. I wish things were different, believe me.

[Anonymous]

My husband talks to his father maybe 2 times a year. He has never met our son or daughter (6.5 and 4). They pretty much just don't call each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For a variety of reasons, I have determined to end my relationship with my parents (they are divorced). For those of you with minimal or no contact with your parents, how did you do it? Did you write a letter, make a declaration, or simply stop initiating contact? Insight and experiences appreciated. Thanks.

I had to cut off my parents; they were and continue to be emotionally abusive. I simply stopped initiating or returning any contact. No declarations - my parents love drama.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do not declare- that will undermine your efforts. Simply stop initiating or communicating. But you need to ask yourself:

1. Will you continue to receive calls?
2. Will you respond to an email?
3. What even would make you reestablish contact? (ie. parental illness)?
4. What will you say to anyone who asks on your parents behalf? (The answer to this is not to burst into anger and flame your parents to everyone.)
5. What would have to change withing your family to reestablish contact?

Good questions. I thought making a declaration would make things more clear, but maybe it's not really necessary.

Declaring it is akin to having a temper tantrum or making a threat while actually doing the exact opposite thing you are threatening. Just do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do not declare- that will undermine your efforts. Simply stop initiating or communicating. But you need to ask yourself:

1. Will you continue to receive calls?
2. Will you respond to an email?
3. What even would make you reestablish contact? (ie. parental illness)?
4. What will you say to anyone who asks on your parents behalf? (The answer to this is not to burst into anger and flame your parents to everyone.)
5. What would have to change withing your family to reestablish contact?

Good questions. I thought making a declaration would make things more clear, but maybe it's not really necessary.

Declaring it is akin to having a temper tantrum or making a threat while actually doing the exact opposite thing you are threatening. Just do it.

Fair enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For a variety of reasons, I have determined to end my relationship with my parents (they are divorced). For those of you with minimal or no contact with your parents, how did you do it? Did you write a letter, make a declaration, or simply stop initiating contact? Insight and experiences appreciated. Thanks.

Ok. I think you should send both of them a letter explaining how you feel and making sure they take you out of any wills and off any life insurance policy. Also you should send each of them a check as reimbursement for any money they gave you or valuable property afternyoubturned 21. Finakky you shoukd apologize to them for anything you may have done to them in the past that was wrongful.

[Anonymous]

A declaration is a cry for attention and usually makes the other party react and respond.

If you honestly want to cut them off, just stop responding, or at least respond less and less.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm sorry you are in this predicament. I'm a mom with a 6 and 8 year old, and my dad doesn't talk with me since half a year ago. I will share his method as it seems to be effective, not engaging in a fight, and results-oriented in ending contact: His method was, simply, not to call and not to email, and to let his wife (my stepmother) respond to my emails on my behalf. My dad never sent an email saying he was going to cut me off - he just "did" it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm sorry you are in this predicament. I'm a mom with a 6 and 8 year old, and my dad doesn't talk with me since half a year ago. I will share his method as it seems to be effective, not engaging in a fight, and results-oriented in ending contact: His method was, simply, not to call and not to email, and to let his wife (my stepmother) respond to my emails on my behalf. My dad never sent an email saying he was going to cut me off - he just "did" it.

The obvious question is "why would he do that?" Like OP does, leaving that out leaves out everything. Saying "I don't know" only means you shoukd find out why.

Cutting off all contact abruptly is kind of wierd and dysfunctional. OP shouldn't be encouraged in it if she won't say why.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For a variety of reasons, I have determined to end my relationship with my parents (they are divorced). For those of you with minimal or no contact with your parents, how did you do it? Did you write a letter, make a declaration, or simply stop initiating contact? Insight and experiences appreciated. Thanks.

Ok. I think you should send both of them a letter explaining how you feel and making sure they take you out of any wills and off any life insurance policy. Also you should send each of them a check as reimbursement for any money they gave you or valuable property afternyoubturned 21. Finakky you shoukd apologize to them for anything you may have done to them in the past that was wrongful.

I think I should write you a letter explaining what a terrible person you are.

OP, I think you should just do it, with no explanations needed. But the questions a PP listed out are very helpful. Good luck.