How to cut off parents

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm sorry you are in this predicament. I'm a mom with a 6 and 8 year old, and my dad doesn't talk with me since half a year ago. I will share his method as it seems to be effective, not engaging in a fight, and results-oriented in ending contact: His method was, simply, not to call and not to email, and to let his wife (my stepmother) respond to my emails on my behalf. My dad never sent an email saying he was going to cut me off - he just "did" it.

The obvious question is "why would he do that?" Like OP does, leaving that out leaves out everything. Saying "I don't know" only means you shoukd find out why.

Cutting off all contact abruptly is kind of wierd and dysfunctional. OP shouldn't be encouraged in it if she won't say why.

I am cutting them off because of a childhood and young adulthood spent being abused by both of them. The thought of articulating this to them makes my skin crawl - even though I'm sure they *know* what they did.

[Anonymous]

I just ... stopped answering the phone when they called. Stopped responding to texts, to emails. We live across the country from each other so it's easier than if we were going to run into each other at the Piggly Wiggly, you know?

They'll be out here this fall and I don't know what's going to happen when we have to see each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm sorry you are in this predicament. I'm a mom with a 6 and 8 year old, and my dad doesn't talk with me since half a year ago. I will share his method as it seems to be effective, not engaging in a fight, and results-oriented in ending contact: His method was, simply, not to call and not to email, and to let his wife (my stepmother) respond to my emails on my behalf. My dad never sent an email saying he was going to cut me off - he just "did" it.

The obvious question is "why would he do that?" Like OP does, leaving that out leaves out everything. Saying "I don't know" only means you shoukd find out why.

Cutting off all contact abruptly is kind of wierd and dysfunctional. OP shouldn't be encouraged in it if she won't say why.

I am cutting them off because of a childhood and young adulthood spent being abused by both of them. The thought of articulating this to them makes my skin crawl - even though I'm sure they *know* what they did.

Obviously you feel justified but why the cut off NOW? What is triggering this?

Here's the issue: cutting off is avoidant behavior which may sweep your issues under the rug only to crop up many years later. If you were abused, have you been in therapy? What does therapist recommend?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm sorry you are in this predicament. I'm a mom with a 6 and 8 year old, and my dad doesn't talk with me since half a year ago. I will share his method as it seems to be effective, not engaging in a fight, and results-oriented in ending contact: His method was, simply, not to call and not to email, and to let his wife (my stepmother) respond to my emails on my behalf. My dad never sent an email saying he was going to cut me off - he just "did" it.

The obvious question is "why would he do that?" Like OP does, leaving that out leaves out everything. Saying "I don't know" only means you shoukd find out why.

Cutting off all contact abruptly is kind of wierd and dysfunctional. OP shouldn't be encouraged in it if she won't say why.

I am cutting them off because of a childhood and young adulthood spent being abused by both of them. The thought of articulating this to them makes my skin crawl - even though I'm sure they *know* what they did.

Obviously you feel justified but why the cut off NOW? What is triggering this?

Here's the issue: cutting off is avoidant behavior which may sweep your issues under the rug only to crop up many years later. If you were abused, have you been in therapy? What does therapist recommend?

I learned to tolerate abusive behavior because that was my normal. (a) Having a baby and (b) doing healing work have led me to this point. Therapists have been supportive, but I don't think an outside opinion on this matter is more important than my own. We would never compel anyone to keep an abusive spouse/friend/coworker in their life, nor expect an explanation outside of "They were abusive" - why, then, must I justify wanting to cut them off?

Not cutting them off/keeping them in my life is retraumatizing to me, and exposes my child and spouse to their dysfunction and abuse. Not sure how it's "avoidant" to protect myself and my family.

[Anonymous]

The first law of nature is self-preservation. Just stop engaging. Peace to you, OP.

[Anonymous]

Don't call them and if they call you don't answer.
Don't email them and if they email you don't answer.
Don't write to them and if they write you don't answer.
Don't visit them and if they visit you don't open the door!

Pretend that they have already passed away. Sad, but that's how you have to handle toxic parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For a variety of reasons, I have determined to end my relationship with my parents (they are divorced). For those of you with minimal or no contact with your parents, how did you do it? Did you write a letter, make a declaration, or simply stop initiating contact? Insight and experiences appreciated. Thanks.

Ok. I think you should send both of them a letter explaining how you feel and making sure they take you out of any wills and off any life insurance policy. Also you should send each of them a check as reimbursement for any money they gave you or valuable property afternyoubturned 21. Finakky you shoukd apologize to them for anything you may have done to them in the past that was wrongful.

Oh, look! An emotionally abusive parent!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm sorry you are in this predicament. I'm a mom with a 6 and 8 year old, and my dad doesn't talk with me since half a year ago. I will share his method as it seems to be effective, not engaging in a fight, and results-oriented in ending contact: His method was, simply, not to call and not to email, and to let his wife (my stepmother) respond to my emails on my behalf. My dad never sent an email saying he was going to cut me off - he just "did" it.

The obvious question is "why would he do that?" Like OP does, leaving that out leaves out everything. Saying "I don't know" only means you shoukd find out why.

Cutting off all contact abruptly is kind of wierd and dysfunctional. OP shouldn't be encouraged in it if she won't say why.

I am cutting them off because of a childhood and young adulthood spent being abused by both of them. The thought of articulating this to them makes my skin crawl - even though I'm sure they *know* what they did.

Obviously you feel justified but why the cut off NOW? What is triggering this?

Here's the issue: cutting off is avoidant behavior which may sweep your issues under the rug only to crop up many years later. If you were abused, have you been in therapy? What does therapist recommend?

You are full of shit. Cutting off abusive parents is not "avoidant" behavior. It is healthy boundary setting behavior. You need to knock off the fake therapist routine because you don't know what you're talking about.

[Anonymous]

I intermittently have to take a break from my family. I just don't reach out to them and when they contact me, I respond that we are busy and can't join them for whatever they are asking about. When they are really bad, I take about a 6 month break. They aren't abusive. They just make terrible decisions about pretty much everything and then wonder why the sky falls in on them and get mad at anyone (me) when they (I) point out the flaws in their decision tree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm sorry you are in this predicament. I'm a mom with a 6 and 8 year old, and my dad doesn't talk with me since half a year ago. I will share his method as it seems to be effective, not engaging in a fight, and results-oriented in ending contact: His method was, simply, not to call and not to email, and to let his wife (my stepmother) respond to my emails on my behalf. My dad never sent an email saying he was going to cut me off - he just "did" it.

The obvious question is "why would he do that?" Like OP does, leaving that out leaves out everything. Saying "I don't know" only means you shoukd find out why.

Cutting off all contact abruptly is kind of wierd and dysfunctional. OP shouldn't be encouraged in it if she won't say why.

I am cutting them off because of a childhood and young adulthood spent being abused by both of them. The thought of articulating this to them makes my skin crawl - even though I'm sure they *know* what they did.

Obviously you feel justified but why the cut off NOW? What is triggering this?

Here's the issue: cutting off is avoidant behavior which may sweep your issues under the rug only to crop up many years later. If you were abused, have you been in therapy? What does therapist recommend?

I learned to tolerate abusive behavior because that was my normal. (a) Having a baby and (b) doing healing work have led me to this point. Therapists have been supportive, but I don't think an outside opinion on this matter is more important than my own. We would never compel anyone to keep an abusive spouse/friend/coworker in their life, nor expect an explanation outside of "They were abusive" - why, then, must I justify wanting to cut them off?

Not cutting them off/keeping them in my life is retraumatizing to me, and exposes my child and spouse to their dysfunction and abuse. Not sure how it's "avoidant" to protect myself and my family.

In other words you have talked to a therapist but no professional has recommended you deal with your issues by cutting contact with your parents. The pros didn't tell you what you wanted to hear so you came to the internet for validation. You haven't explained how the parents abused you. You have a spouse. Does he agree? If so, why are you asking here instesd of him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm sorry you are in this predicament. I'm a mom with a 6 and 8 year old, and my dad doesn't talk with me since half a year ago. I will share his method as it seems to be effective, not engaging in a fight, and results-oriented in ending contact: His method was, simply, not to call and not to email, and to let his wife (my stepmother) respond to my emails on my behalf. My dad never sent an email saying he was going to cut me off - he just "did" it.

The obvious question is "why would he do that?" Like OP does, leaving that out leaves out everything. Saying "I don't know" only means you shoukd find out why.

Cutting off all contact abruptly is kind of wierd and dysfunctional. OP shouldn't be encouraged in it if she won't say why.

I am cutting them off because of a childhood and young adulthood spent being abused by both of them. The thought of articulating this to them makes my skin crawl - even though I'm sure they *know* what they did.

Obviously you feel justified but why the cut off NOW? What is triggering this?

Here's the issue: cutting off is avoidant behavior which may sweep your issues under the rug only to crop up many years later. If you were abused, have you been in therapy? What does therapist recommend?

I learned to tolerate abusive behavior because that was my normal. (a) Having a baby and (b) doing healing work have led me to this point. Therapists have been supportive, but I don't think an outside opinion on this matter is more important than my own. We would never compel anyone to keep an abusive spouse/friend/coworker in their life, nor expect an explanation outside of "They were abusive" - why, then, must I justify wanting to cut them off?

Not cutting them off/keeping them in my life is retraumatizing to me, and exposes my child and spouse to their dysfunction and abuse. Not sure how it's "avoidant" to protect myself and my family.

In other words you have talked to a therapist but no professional has recommended you deal with your issues by cutting contact with your parents. The pros didn't tell you what you wanted to hear so you came to the internet for validation. You haven't explained how the parents abused you. You have a spouse. Does he agree? If so, why are you asking here instesd of him?

Who the hell are you that you think OP has to lay her experiences before you? You sound like an arrogant asshole. OP, you shouldn't indulge this jerk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm sorry you are in this predicament. I'm a mom with a 6 and 8 year old, and my dad doesn't talk with me since half a year ago. I will share his method as it seems to be effective, not engaging in a fight, and results-oriented in ending contact: His method was, simply, not to call and not to email, and to let his wife (my stepmother) respond to my emails on my behalf. My dad never sent an email saying he was going to cut me off - he just "did" it.

The obvious question is "why would he do that?" Like OP does, leaving that out leaves out everything. Saying "I don't know" only means you shoukd find out why.

Cutting off all contact abruptly is kind of wierd and dysfunctional. OP shouldn't be encouraged in it if she won't say why.

I am cutting them off because of a childhood and young adulthood spent being abused by both of them. The thought of articulating this to them makes my skin crawl - even though I'm sure they *know* what they did.

Obviously you feel justified but why the cut off NOW? What is triggering this?

Here's the issue: cutting off is avoidant behavior which may sweep your issues under the rug only to crop up many years later. If you were abused, have you been in therapy? What does therapist recommend?

I learned to tolerate abusive behavior because that was my normal. (a) Having a baby and (b) doing healing work have led me to this point. Therapists have been supportive, but I don't think an outside opinion on this matter is more important than my own. We would never compel anyone to keep an abusive spouse/friend/coworker in their life, nor expect an explanation outside of "They were abusive" - why, then, must I justify wanting to cut them off?

Not cutting them off/keeping them in my life is retraumatizing to me, and exposes my child and spouse to their dysfunction and abuse. Not sure how it's "avoidant" to protect myself and my family.

In other words you have talked to a therapist but no professional has recommended you deal with your issues by cutting contact with your parents. The pros didn't tell you what you wanted to hear so you came to the internet for validation. You haven't explained how the parents abused you. You have a spouse. Does he agree? If so, why are you asking here instesd of him?

Who the hell are you that you think OP has to lay her experiences before you? You sound like an arrogant asshole. OP, you shouldn't indulge this jerk.

Thanks, PP, but I will indulge.

Previous PP, if you read my original post, you'll see that I was not asking whether I should cut off my parents, but how. Specifically, I was seeking the experiences of those who had cut off their parents to see how they went about it. But thanks for your concern.

[Anonymous]

OP: The answer depends on how your husband feels about it, which you conveniently left out. Given that your therapist didn't advocate cutting off your parents, and you haven't actually said what they did that is so bad, why should anyone here assume your decision is rational? You could be depressed or BPD and in a phase in which you are irrationally blaming your parents for all your problems. Maybe you are not taking your meds. Since a child is involved and you may be vindictively depriving him of his grandparents, it would really help if you coukd give some confirmation that you are not as batshit crazy as you appear to be.

[Anonymous]

Looks like this thread is starting to break down as seems always to be the case around here. OP asked for advise from people who had done this. How should I do it? That was the question. She didn't ask anyone whether she should or shouldn't do it. Why can't people just keep their yap shut.

[Anonymous]

If she didn't ask anyone what she should do then she wouldn't have posted the thread. What she should do is get therapy. She sounds crazy because she hasn't explained what is so bad about her parents to punish them by cutting them off from their grandchild. Lotd of delusional people post in forums when they need professional help.