I am never satisfied
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Anonymous
I know I have a good life. We have a happy marriage (12 years), two wonderful children (4 and 18 months) a lovely home in a great neighborhood, two good paying jobs in fields we are both happy in, family close by, lots of friends, extra money for travel and things we want. But..... I just feel like I am always wanting more.  I sort of think the issue is that I am very goal oriented and at 35 my life is pretty great but we have achieved this by working very, very hard at every aspect of life and now that we have "arrived" I don't really know what to do with myself. My self worth and happiness seems tied to goal achievement and since we are kind of at a place where we should want to just "maintain" for the next 20 years, I sort of feel depressed by that in a way. Anyone ever felt this way? How do I fix this? I don't want my husband to feel bad about what we have achieved or think my feelings are a rejection of him in anyway but I just can't help but feel stressed by the idea of the next 20 years being exactly like everyday today.
Guide me with your wisdom DCUM, please. |
Anonymous
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Therapy.
Your goal setting is all about avoiding something, possibly depression or anxiety. Nothing will ever satisfy you aside from getting out of yourself. |
Anonymous
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I get what you're saying - adulthood is boring a lot of the time.
I agree that talking to a therapist might help - there's no reason not to see one. Do you have manic tendencies? It sounds like it. Also, have you ever meditated. You should. It sounds like you have many blessings, and then your biggest problem is you don't know how to chill the F out. |
Anonymous
| Run a marathon, learn a new language, etc. set another personal goal and reach it. |
Anonymous
| OP, is you life what you pictured it would be? Sure you're doing great but do you think you envisioned something grander? Maybe your climb isn't finished and that not necessarily a bad thing. |
Anonymous
| Life isn't a race. You don't "win" life. You are going to die no matter what. If you don't stop and enjoy what's around you, then you're wasting the only life you'll ever get. |
Anonymous
| Volunteer to help others who haven't arrived. |
Anonymous
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OP here, I'm really not trying to sound like a jerk. This is a sincere request for help. I appreciate the responses, particularly on therapy and meditation. These are good ideas and things I think I could benefit from. I don't think of myself as avoiding something else or being manic but maybe I am. I was sexually abused as a child by a family member and I mostly avoid this overall. DCUM is one of the only places I have ever revealed it actually other than to DH.
As for as helping others I do actually volunteer a fair amount and dedicate quite a bit of time to a nonprofit board I am on along with more hands on volunteer work. Just trying to show I am really not a huge jerk, I just don't ever seem to feel satisfied. |
Anonymous
| Have more children. That will keep you busy. |
Anonymous
| I agree with setting another goal for yourself. Maybe focus on an area of your life you have neglected before, like reading, writing, photography, art, etc. |
Anonymous
| Go volunteer for meals on wheels. Seriously. Helping others will give you more purpose and you will be more satisfied with what you have. |
Anonymous
Go take a ride in a poor neighborhood then find a hobby. Your life will mean something then. 
I mean damn, how ungrateful can you be ? |
Anonymous
Take it easy. She was being nice about it. But, basically, OP, you sound like you are sort of wrapped up in yourself and you are starting to experience a bit of existential despair. A key to happiness is to focus less on yourself and on others, and perhaps on the hereafter. |
Anonymous
I agree. The only other groan-inducing cliches she didn't mention was "high-achieving." Welcome to adulthood, honey! |
Anonymous
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There are ALWAYS new goals you can set. Pick up a new hobby / learn a new skill: cooking, rock climbing, scuba diving, sewing, fishing, chess, whatever. Plan an amazing vacation - something adventurous, not sitting on a beach. Higher financial goals. Home improvements. Join a book club or wine-tasting club - you don't have to do it forever, only until you've had enough and want to move on to something else. Then you pick something else to pursue.
I think the problem is your mindset that your current life is what it is, and is what it should be - there's nothing else worth working for. That's a very depressing (or depressed?) outlook on life. So choose something that is worth working for, and get started on it. There are plenty of options out there. |