For those of you who are not close to their biological family....

[Anonymous]

Do you from time to time feel lonely and heartbroken because you see how close other families are? I'm not close with my family because I was sexual abused by a babysitter as a child and my parents demanded that I never spoke of it again when I told them about it. I was hurt and very confused and even now as an adult, I want nothing to do with them. A lot of my immediate family just sees me as the woman who doesn't talk to her family because I've never really explained my side to anyone. My parents know why but they guilt me a lot of times and still to this day demand that it never happened and I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive them. I have put myself through therapy and I'm okay for the most party but I do break down and cry from time to time because I wish I had the closeness of a family.

[Anonymous]

I feel sad about my family, but don't think about them very much now that I understand and have perspective on the dysfunctional dynamics.

If you're not in therapy now, the best thing you can do for yourself is to find a therapist you feel comfortable working with and start therapy.

I promise you - once you're able to gain genuine perspective on your family dynamics, they won't affect you the way it does now. Know that it takes a lot of very hard work to achieve that perspective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you from time to time feel lonely and heartbroken because you see how close other families are? I'm not close with my family because I was sexual abused by a babysitter as a child and my parents demanded that I never spoke of it again when I told them about it. I was hurt and very confused and even now as an adult, I want nothing to do with them. A lot of my immediate family just sees me as the woman who doesn't talk to her family because I've never really explained my side to anyone. My parents know why but they guilt me a lot of times and still to this day demand that it never happened and I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive them. I have put myself through therapy and I'm okay for the most party but I do break down and cry from time to time because I wish I had the closeness of a family.

Why not approach them as an adult. People and times change. Also explain your side to your extended family. If you want closeness, if you want healing, if you want to stop feeling lonely and heartbroken its up to you to seek it. If they still feel the same, nothing will have changed and you can move forward - if they don't well then, there is your chance for a more meaningful relationship.

Life is the longest thing you will ever do, don't spend it miserable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you from time to time feel lonely and heartbroken because you see how close other families are? I'm not close with my family because I was sexual abused by a babysitter as a child and my parents demanded that I never spoke of it again when I told them about it. I was hurt and very confused and even now as an adult, I want nothing to do with them. A lot of my immediate family just sees me as the woman who doesn't talk to her family because I've never really explained my side to anyone. My parents know why but they guilt me a lot of times and still to this day demand that it never happened and I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive them. I have put myself through therapy and I'm okay for the most party but I do break down and cry from time to time because I wish I had the closeness of a family.

I'm not very close to my family for various complicated reasons. I feel your pain and I wish things were different. But I understand why they are not and in general I'm comfortable. The only thing I can do is try to build a strong family unit of my own with my spouse and in laws for my children's sake. What hurts most is that on my side the kids don't really have grandparents, uncles , aunts and cousins so I feel they are growing up much more alone than I did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you from time to time feel lonely and heartbroken because you see how close other families are? I'm not close with my family because I was sexual abused by a babysitter as a child and my parents demanded that I never spoke of it again when I told them about it. I was hurt and very confused and even now as an adult, I want nothing to do with them. A lot of my immediate family just sees me as the woman who doesn't talk to her family because I've never really explained my side to anyone. My parents know why but they guilt me a lot of times and still to this day demand that it never happened and I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive them. I have put myself through therapy and I'm okay for the most party but I do break down and cry from time to time because I wish I had the closeness of a family.

Why not approach them as an adult. People and times change. Also explain your side to your extended family. If you want closeness, if you want healing, if you want to stop feeling lonely and heartbroken its up to you to seek it. If they still feel the same, nothing will have changed and you can move forward - if they don't well then, there is your chance for a more meaningful relationship.

Life is the longest thing you will ever do, don't spend it miserable.

Not OP or know the situation but for me I would never subject my kids to what has caused me so much pain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you from time to time feel lonely and heartbroken because you see how close other families are? I'm not close with my family because I was sexual abused by a babysitter as a child and my parents demanded that I never spoke of it again when I told them about it. I was hurt and very confused and even now as an adult, I want nothing to do with them. A lot of my immediate family just sees me as the woman who doesn't talk to her family because I've never really explained my side to anyone. My parents know why but they guilt me a lot of times and still to this day demand that it never happened and I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive them. I have put myself through therapy and I'm okay for the most party but I do break down and cry from time to time because I wish I had the closeness of a family.

Why not approach them as an adult. People and times change. Also explain your side to your extended family. If you want closeness, if you want healing, if you want to stop feeling lonely and heartbroken its up to you to seek it. If they still feel the same, nothing will have changed and you can move forward - if they don't well then, there is your chance for a more meaningful relationship.

Life is the longest thing you will ever do, don't spend it miserable.

Not OP or know the situation but for me I would never subject my kids to what has caused me so much pain.

Who said anything about subjecting her children to pain? OP didn't even mention children.

Closure as an adult would help this OP, whether it goes well or stays the same at least she can move on.

[Anonymous]

Heartbroken? Definitely not. Lonely? No. Sad? Yes.

But the reality is I was never close with my mother - she always held me at a distance, both physically and emotionally. So when we "broke up" when I was 15, it was really more like a nail in the coffin, rather than going from Best Mommy/Daughter Relationship EVER to nothing.

I haven't spoken to her since I was 16. Sometimes I want *A* mother, but I never yearn for *MY* specific mother.

I'm a little more bummed about my father - he does not like a choice I made about my life and we haven't spoken all year. I assume we'll get back together, but it's not devastating because he disappeared when I was 7, re-entered my life when I was 15, and I probably don't really trust that he'll always be there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you from time to time feel lonely and heartbroken because you see how close other families are? I'm not close with my family because I was sexual abused by a babysitter as a child and my parents demanded that I never spoke of it again when I told them about it. I was hurt and very confused and even now as an adult, I want nothing to do with them. A lot of my immediate family just sees me as the woman who doesn't talk to her family because I've never really explained my side to anyone. My parents know why but they guilt me a lot of times and still to this day demand that it never happened and I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive them. I have put myself through therapy and I'm okay for the most party but I do break down and cry from time to time because I wish I had the closeness of a family.

Why not approach them as an adult. People and times change. Also explain your side to your extended family. If you want closeness, if you want healing, if you want to stop feeling lonely and heartbroken its up to you to seek it. If they still feel the same, nothing will have changed and you can move forward - if they don't well then, there is your chance for a more meaningful relationship.

Life is the longest thing you will ever do, don't spend it miserable.

Pay close attention to the "for me" part.
Not OP or know the situation but for me I would never subject my kids to what has caused me so much pain.

Who said anything about subjecting her children to pain? OP didn't even mention children.

Closure as an adult would help this OP, whether it goes well or stays the same at least she can move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you from time to time feel lonely and heartbroken because you see how close other families are? I'm not close with my family because I was sexual abused by a babysitter as a child and my parents demanded that I never spoke of it again when I told them about it. I was hurt and very confused and even now as an adult, I want nothing to do with them. A lot of my immediate family just sees me as the woman who doesn't talk to her family because I've never really explained my side to anyone. My parents know why but they guilt me a lot of times and still to this day demand that it never happened and I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive them. I have put myself through therapy and I'm okay for the most party but I do break down and cry from time to time because I wish I had the closeness of a family.

Why not approach them as an adult. People and times change. Also explain your side to your extended family. If you want closeness, if you want healing, if you want to stop feeling lonely and heartbroken its up to you to seek it. If they still feel the same, nothing will have changed and you can move forward - if they don't well then, there is your chance for a more meaningful relationship.

Life is the longest thing you will ever do, don't spend it miserable.

Not OP or know the situation but for me I would never subject my kids to what has caused me so much pain.

Who said anything about subjecting her children to pain? OP didn't even mention children.

Closure as an adult would help this OP, whether it goes well or stays the same at least she can move on.

Pay close attention to the "for me" part.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you from time to time feel lonely and heartbroken because you see how close other families are? I'm not close with my family because I was sexual abused by a babysitter as a child and my parents demanded that I never spoke of it again when I told them about it. I was hurt and very confused and even now as an adult, I want nothing to do with them. A lot of my immediate family just sees me as the woman who doesn't talk to her family because I've never really explained my side to anyone. My parents know why but they guilt me a lot of times and still to this day demand that it never happened and I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive them. I have put myself through therapy and I'm okay for the most party but I do break down and cry from time to time because I wish I had the closeness of a family.

Why not approach them as an adult. People and times change. Also explain your side to your extended family. If you want closeness, if you want healing, if you want to stop feeling lonely and heartbroken its up to you to seek it. If they still feel the same, nothing will have changed and you can move forward - if they don't well then, there is your chance for a more meaningful relationship.

Life is the longest thing you will ever do, don't spend it miserable.

I don't follow?

Not OP or know the situation but for me I would never subject my kids to what has caused me so much pain.

Who said anything about subjecting her children to pain? OP didn't even mention children.

Closure as an adult would help this OP, whether it goes well or stays the same at least she can move on.

Pay close attention to the "for me" part.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you from time to time feel lonely and heartbroken because you see how close other families are? I'm not close with my family because I was sexual abused by a babysitter as a child and my parents demanded that I never spoke of it again when I told them about it. I was hurt and very confused and even now as an adult, I want nothing to do with them. A lot of my immediate family just sees me as the woman who doesn't talk to her family because I've never really explained my side to anyone. My parents know why but they guilt me a lot of times and still to this day demand that it never happened and I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive them. I have put myself through therapy and I'm okay for the most party but I do break down and cry from time to time because I wish I had the closeness of a family.

Why not approach them as an adult. People and times change. Also explain your side to your extended family. If you want closeness, if you want healing, if you want to stop feeling lonely and heartbroken its up to you to seek it. If they still feel the same, nothing will have changed and you can move forward - if they don't well then, there is your chance for a more meaningful relationship.

Life is the longest thing you will ever do, don't spend it miserable.

Not OP or know the situation but for me I would never subject my kids to what has caused me so much pain.

Who said anything about subjecting her children to pain? OP didn't even mention children.

Closure as an adult would help this OP, whether it goes well or stays the same at least she can move on.

Pay close attention to the "for me" part.

Thanks for the reading lesson, but I got that just fine. The OP asked a very personal question and I was pointing that out to you, as you seemed to only think your view was relevant, even though children were not even brought up in her original question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you from time to time feel lonely and heartbroken because you see how close other families are? I'm not close with my family because I was sexual abused by a babysitter as a child and my parents demanded that I never spoke of it again when I told them about it. I was hurt and very confused and even now as an adult, I want nothing to do with them. A lot of my immediate family just sees me as the woman who doesn't talk to her family because I've never really explained my side to anyone. My parents know why but they guilt me a lot of times and still to this day demand that it never happened and I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive them. I have put myself through therapy and I'm okay for the most party but I do break down and cry from time to time because I wish I had the closeness of a family.

Why not approach them as an adult. People and times change. Also explain your side to your extended family. If you want closeness, if you want healing, if you want to stop feeling lonely and heartbroken its up to you to seek it. If they still feel the same, nothing will have changed and you can move forward - if they don't well then, there is your chance for a more meaningful relationship.

Life is the longest thing you will ever do, don't spend it miserable.

I have approached them and every time, I am wronged. I'm wronged for telling anyone about it, I'm wronged for getting help...nothing I can do is right. The one time that my mother did acknowledge that it happened, she told me they I needed to accept they the babysitting was "experimenting". I'm sure that my siblings know what happened but I have never talked to them in depth about what happened out of fear of what my parents would say, now that I'm an adult, I feel like it's a lost cause because I never talked to them (siblings) about it ever. I've never told my aunts, uncles, or grandparents for the same reason, I was never allowed to speak of it. I can't explain the hurt that I've felt, most of my family just thinks I'm too good for them when I have good reasons and my parents lead them to believe just that just to save their reputation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you from time to time feel lonely and heartbroken because you see how close other families are? I'm not close with my family because I was sexual abused by a babysitter as a child and my parents demanded that I never spoke of it again when I told them about it. I was hurt and very confused and even now as an adult, I want nothing to do with them. A lot of my immediate family just sees me as the woman who doesn't talk to her family because I've never really explained my side to anyone. My parents know why but they guilt me a lot of times and still to this day demand that it never happened and I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive them. I have put myself through therapy and I'm okay for the most party but I do break down and cry from time to time because I wish I had the closeness of a family.

Why not approach them as an adult. People and times change. Also explain your side to your extended family. If you want closeness, if you want healing, if you want to stop feeling lonely and heartbroken its up to you to seek it. If they still feel the same, nothing will have changed and you can move forward - if they don't well then, there is your chance for a more meaningful relationship.

Life is the longest thing you will ever do, don't spend it miserable.

Not OP or know the situation but for me I would never subject my kids to what has caused me so much pain.

Who said anything about subjecting her children to pain? OP didn't even mention children.

Closure as an adult would help this OP, whether it goes well or stays the same at least she can move on.

Pay close attention to the "for me" part.

Thanks for the reading lesson, but I got that just fine. The OP asked a very personal question and I was pointing that out to you, as you seemed to only think your view was relevant, even though children were not even brought up in her original question.

For me cannot possibly mean my view is the only one relevant. Not that I even expressed a view but a response to a specific situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you from time to time feel lonely and heartbroken because you see how close other families are? I'm not close with my family because I was sexual abused by a babysitter as a child and my parents demanded that I never spoke of it again when I told them about it. I was hurt and very confused and even now as an adult, I want nothing to do with them. A lot of my immediate family just sees me as the woman who doesn't talk to her family because I've never really explained my side to anyone. My parents know why but they guilt me a lot of times and still to this day demand that it never happened and I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive them. I have put myself through therapy and I'm okay for the most party but I do break down and cry from time to time because I wish I had the closeness of a family.

Why not approach them as an adult. People and times change. Also explain your side to your extended family. If you want closeness, if you want healing, if you want to stop feeling lonely and heartbroken its up to you to seek it. If they still feel the same, nothing will have changed and you can move forward - if they don't well then, there is your chance for a more meaningful relationship.

Life is the longest thing you will ever do, don't spend it miserable.

I have approached them and every time, I am wronged. I'm wronged for telling anyone about it, I'm wronged for getting help...nothing I can do is right. The one time that my mother did acknowledge that it happened, she told me they I needed to accept they the babysitting was "experimenting". I'm sure that my siblings know what happened but I have never talked to them in depth about what happened out of fear of what my parents would say, now that I'm an adult, I feel like it's a lost cause because I never talked to them (siblings) about it ever. I've never told my aunts, uncles, or grandparents for the same reason, I was never allowed to speak of it. I can't explain the hurt that I've felt, most of my family just thinks I'm too good for them when I have good reasons and my parents lead them to believe just that just to save their reputation.

Do you need them to acknowledge this every time you see them? I only ask because sometimes in life we just need to accept things and go on with life. Talk to your siblings, aunts and uncles, your grandparents. You are an adult now, you can speak of whatever you want.

And remember, its not who brings you into this world but who loves you while you are here - so if they are truly a lost cause, surround yourself with a family of your own making.

[Anonymous]

The day I moved away was the day I freed myself of people I knew I could never please, never be equal to.

I miss no one.