Reply to For those of you who are not close to their biological family....

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Do you from time to time feel lonely and heartbroken because you see how close other families are? I'm not close with my family because I was sexual abused by a babysitter as a child and my parents demanded that I never spoke of it again when I told them about it. I was hurt and very confused and even now as an adult, I want nothing to do with them. A lot of my immediate family just sees me as the woman who doesn't talk to her family because I've never really explained my side to anyone. My parents know why but they guilt me a lot of times and still to this day demand that it never happened and I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive them. I have put myself through therapy and I'm okay for the most party but I do break down and cry from time to time because I wish I had the closeness of a family.

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Why not approach them as an adult. People and times change. Also explain your side to your extended family. If you want closeness, if you want healing, if you want to stop feeling lonely and heartbroken its up to you to seek it. If they still feel the same, nothing will have changed and you can move forward - if they don't well then, there is your chance for a more meaningful relationship.

Life is the longest thing you will ever do, don't spend it miserable.[/quote]

I have approached them and every time, I am wronged. I'm wronged for telling anyone about it, I'm wronged for getting help...nothing I can do is right. The one time that my mother did acknowledge that it happened, she told me they I needed to accept they the babysitting was "experimenting". I'm sure that my siblings know what happened but I have never talked to them in depth about what happened out of fear of what my parents would say, now that I'm an adult, I feel like it's a lost cause because I never talked to them (siblings) about it ever. I've never told my aunts, uncles, or grandparents for the same reason, I was never allowed to speak of it. I can't explain the hurt that I've felt, most of my family just thinks I'm too good for them when I have good reasons and my parents lead them to believe just that just to save their reputation. [/quote]

Do you need them to acknowledge this every time you see them? I only ask because sometimes in life we just need to accept things and go on with life. Talk to your siblings, aunts and uncles, your grandparents. You are an adult now, you can speak of whatever you want.

And remember, its not who brings you into this world but who loves you while you are here - so if they are truly a lost cause, surround yourself with a family of your own making.[/quote]

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