Help us find a compromise re: vacation without kids.
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Anonymous
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DH wants to go away for a week for our 10th anniversary and 40th birthdays. Kids will be 9, 8 and 17 months. We have gone away for 2-3 nights every year, sometimes twice a year, since the older two were 3 and 4. But now, with the baby, I am reluctant to go. I just don't want to leave the baby. I will be worried the entire time. I think I can go 2 nights, but that is the most I can do, and I would prefer not to go at all.
DH's parents would watch the kids with our nanny being here most of the time too. Nanny would do the chaffeuring to activities, as usual. DHs parents really want to do it, but they are getting older and I worry it's alot for them. I could just refuse to go, but we definitely have one of those marriages where DH thinks I have dropped everything for the kids, and he constantly talks about how his parents just went about their adult lives and he turned out fine. You know the dynamic. This would just be more ammunition for him. I wouldn't say we have a terrible marriage, but this is an issue fraught with tension. Should I try and go for 3 nights? What's a good compromise? |
Anonymous
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You might point out to him that you didn't leave the other kids until one was three. Suggest a short trip with the promise of a longer trip when the baby is a bit older.
But it sounds like you have larger issues to address and the trip is just the the proxy for the larger argument. Were you both in agreement about the third kid? |
Anonymous
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I do know the dynamic well.
I wouldn't worry about the parents helping if the nanny will be there for normal routines/daytime. I would try to go for 4-5 nights -- would that appease DH? Once you're there and settled you'll probably feel better. You might still worry, but at least you can enjoy some of it and not die on that hill with DH. |
Anonymous
| Go for it! It'll be good for you to have a break and reconnect with your hubby. Between your nanny and grandparents the kids will be fine. We have 2 year old twins and we went away when they were about 16 months for 4 nights. My Mom and sister and her family watched them. It was gone and we needed the break. Have fun! |
Anonymous
| Five nights is practically a week. Honestly, by day six of most vacations I'm ready to go home and sleep in my own bed. |
Anonymous
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Your kids will be fine but you have to figure out how you will feel if you go. If you are going to be nervous and/or resentful, then it's probably not worth it.
I personally would go in a second. I only have 2 kids but we went away for a week at a time when then were less than 2. But that's me-- everyone is different. Your kids can handle it. The parents/nanny can handle. This is about what you can handle. |
Anonymous
| 4 nights is a nice compromise as long as you promise not to talk about the kids. Working on your marriage is in the best interest of the kids so don't forget that. |
Anonymous
| Damn. If you dont want to go, can your nanny and in laws take my kids? I'd kill for the time away with my husband and we have no family who can or will help. Ever. |
Anonymous
| Sounds like you just don't want to go. Don't use the kids as an excuse. With parents and a nanny to take care of the kids, you've got all of the bases covered. |
Anonymous
| I think 2 nights is your compromise. I wouldn't want to leave my kid longer than that. Can you do short anniversary trip and then a family birthday trip all together? |
Anonymous
| Go, go, go! |
Anonymous
| i am hoping 3 nights will appease him..... |
Anonymous
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OP I know it's been a while since you had a little one at home--17 months is really barely a baby anymore, almost a toddler. He or she probably just seems really little in comparison to your older ones. Nanny and grandparents will be more than able to handle.
GO and not only that, promise that you will work really hard NOT to talka bout and think about the kids while gone. Think in advance about what DH is interested in, thinking about--and push yourself to go to movies, ask about other things that interest him. I think about it this way--did I try to give my DH even half of the focused attention and time gave the kids today? He's my life partner, he deserves just as much time if not more. |
Anonymous
Temp live-in nanny. |
Anonymous
He's an adult that should understand the difference between the needs of a child and the needs of a spouse... |