Help us find a compromise re: vacation without kids.
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Anonymous
| My son is 3 and I cannot imagine spending more than 3 nights away from him. It's great if other people are happy to leave their kids for much longer, but I couldn't do it. I certainly don't think it makes me a better mother or I love my kid more or whatever, I just know myself and when we have taken 2 night trips, I am desperate to get back. If 3 nights is all you think you can handle, than that is a good compromise and you can go for longer trips when the kids are older. |
Anonymous
| Child of nasty divorce here. Not saying that's what you're on the cusp of but living with unhappy fighting parents does a heckuva lot more damage than a few nights away. It sounds to be like your dh is trying to tell you he needs this. Going for a short time or doing a fam vacation is the easy choice. Spending a few days reconnecting and focusing on your relationship will be harder and possibly a little painful but the hidden benefit is that that is also work towards your children's happiness. Most assuredly your older kids know you're having problems. Sure the baby needs the most care physically but from your part it sounds like your marriage might be the living thing in your home that is feeling neglected and needs the most work. |
Anonymous
| My husband usually waits for me to plan all the trips. If he pushed for a week away-- I'd compromise at 3-4 nights. This sounds important. I've only done two nights away from my toddler back when she was one. I felt guilty asking my parents to do more than a weekend, but I remember thing I could use one more night away. Plus, I did some extended nursing (which I really thought would end with a few days away from my 1 yo-- it did not end until almost her second birthday). The nanny will be a huge help. Maybe have a friend or additional relative ready to help as back up in case something happens. i think it would be helpful to have a frank chat with your in laws about what they can handle (and want to handle) as well as what would make things easier toddler wise. |
Anonymous
| Go. You are on the path to finding yourself divorced once the kids are grown and moved out because you've tacitly ignored your husband and his need for connection with you note: this is actually a good thing that he wants this connection, ignore the posters that say he's selfish and immature, 10 to 1 they are in unhappy marriages.) Don't by into the notion that the kids should be first in a marriage. Healthy marriages put the parent partnership first, and everyone thrives. Happy marriage = happy, secure kids. GO. |
Anonymous
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Go away for the week. Your DH is right and your kids will be fine and happy with grandparents and especially their nanny. Give the nanny additional hours if that would have you feel better.
Your marriage is extremely important to the health and future of your children. Don't take it for granted. |
Anonymous
I agree. Dh and I have a wonderful marriage, and while everyone thinks it's 100% natural, it takes work to stay connected and to make sure we are devoted to each other as much as our children. One week will be a small blip in your life, in 2 years you won't be thinking "well that trip was way too long." |
Anonymous
| You need to go. It's hard. I had to travel for work and leave my 18 month for a week. This sounds like you need to work on your marriage. I would stop fighting and start looking forward to it. |
Anonymous
| Go! Your DH is telling you he needs this. Your kids will be fine. Even your 17 month old. They will miss you and you will miss them. But EVERYONE will be fine. Go and tend to your marriage. You may find that you actually needed and enjoyed the week, OR your DH may find that in the future, you guys don't need a week, just a few days. |
Anonymous
This. And your and your DH's overall happiness as well. You should be able to leave your children for a week - it is good for everyone. Thank God you have a nanny (hopefully a good nanny) who can keep the work down for the grandparents and provide the day-to-day routines. Go, OP. It is clear that your husband need it. |
Anonymous
I would go, but I'd rather stab myself in the eye than let my in-laws care for a non-verbal toddler. They are not trustworthy Find an arrangement that works for you and throw money at the problem if need be. Can you pay the nanny to be live-in and care for the youngest.
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Anonymous
| I wouldn't let my DH bully and or pressure me into doing something I'm not comfortable with. He is the adult, my kids would be my priority. He sounds like a brat. |
Anonymous
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10th Anniversary with a nine year old as an oldest, and only going away 2-3 days as your longest break together, means your marriage — and you! — need a week away. Just go.
Comprise on where you go, maybe. If more than 2-3 days in one spot sounds too long for you, maybe you switch up where you are 1/2 way through. |
Anonymous
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You aren't worried to leave your baby for the entire day, are you? I assume you go to work and don't "worry the whole time". Ask the nanny to do 24/7 with the kids and grandparents.
Your DH is NOT being a bully or a brat. He is telling you he needs a break and wants to be with you alone. Do it or risk him finding someone else who will give him the "break" he needs. |
Anonymous
All studies have shown above is true. Go with your husband. |
Anonymous
| 17 mo is not a baby (i have one, too). yes, she requires constant supervision but you will have 3 adults and your other kids are pretty big. |