What kind of sibling dynamics for those with one kid in AAP and one in GE?
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Anonymous
| To much of my surprise, DC2 didn't do well enough in his NMAT test (92 percentile) when DC1 is already in 3rd grade AAP (99 percentile). I would like to hear how other families handle this kind of situation. We are in a center school. He also has a 2.5 years old brother who is reading, spelling and doing simple addition/subtraction (without us teaching/pushing). What can I do to make sure that DC2 does not feel different/inferior in front of his siblings? Deep down I find DC2 very creative and original. He is also the easier kid that is way more independence and caring than DC1. |
Anonymous
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I think a lot of it will come down to personalities. I'm one of three. My older brother (the smartest) and I were both in the gifted program, scored similarly on standardized test scores, got lots of merit scholarships, etc. My younger brother was a perfectly smart kid, but not gifted and didn't excel on tests the way we did. He truly did not care. He's a very laid back person in general.
The first step is probably to make sure you don't see DC2 as inferior to his siblings. IQ is such a small component of what will determine success and happiness. |
Anonymous
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My oldest is high strung, ADHD, 150+ IQ. My second child is ten times more laid back, a hard working and focused student with perfect grades (really, it's rare to see one wrong ever), and he tested at an IQ of 135 and won't be in our local gifted program. What I do to make him feel like he is not "less": praise him for the attributes I want to see in both of them, like hard work and perseverance. I've told them that they're not the same kids and I'm grateful for it, because I'd be bored to death with two kids who are exactly the same.
In all honesty, my younger (lower IQ) son will likely be the more traditionally successful of my kids. My oldest is SMART but cannot channel that intelligence appropriately. My second is smart AND socially savvy AND has the ability to focus and persevere. They're both remarkable and capable in their own ways and I make sure to tell them that. |
Anonymous
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My AAP child is somewhat jealous of my non-AAP child b/c non-AAP kid has FAR less homework (which means more downtime in the evening). We have told our non-AAP kid that s/he could be in AAP but s/he doesn't want to b/c it is more work and would involve a school change. (At one point it truly was a possibility, but isn't anymore given grades/effort). Bottom line... non-AAP kid does not have a problem being where s/he is b/c we don't imply that one kid is better than the other.
I think you just approach it as needed and speak of each program in positive terms. i.e. don't speak of AAP as being for "the smart kids" and don't act like non-AAP is inferior. Speak about them as slightly different and that you are looking for the best fit for your child. We have said "AAP is for kids who think they want more challenges in school." (Not every kid wants "more challenges" and that's o.k.). In your case, it could be a little harder b/c your child may have friends who go over to AAP -- or maybe your child won't care either way. (I think the parents care more than the kids). But, in any case, you can say "let's see how you do in Mrs. X's class... and you can still hang out with (AAP friend) after school." |
Anonymous
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I think quite a bit depends on the type of relationship the siblings have. My two are not competitive with each other, so it was a none issue. I can see it being an issue if they had a competitive relationship.
As a parent, you treat each child differently based on their individual needs. Find each of your children's gifts and feed them. |
Anonymous
| Can't say it won't affect their sibling relationship. |
Anonymous
| What is the relationship like beforehand? That's the predictor. |
Anonymous
This is how we handled it. We also talked about what mattered more to the younger sibling that the base school offers. Friends for one (very important to him). Compacted matu at the same pace as the center (he LOVES the advanced matu class); not quite as much writing (which he hates). All of his closest friends ended up in the local AAP pull out group (heaven help the poor AAP teacher) and the school offers many of the same activities (although he is disappointed about no science olympiad at the base school). 2nd child is happier being a big fish in a smallpond so for now base is a much better place for him to be. He is proud to be one of the upper kids academically which is a good boost of confidence. That likely wouldn't happen at the center. |
Anonymous
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My oldest is in 5th grade AAP now. My current 2nd grader will be in AAP next year. Our base is the center school. Maybe because my kids are further apart... but it doesn't come up. We never say "AAP" in our house really. It's just "school", "class", "work", "homework", "teacher", etc. |
Anonymous
But you aren't going to have a GE and AAP student. Different. |
Anonymous
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It will be an issue between the siblings if YOU have an issue between AAP and GE.
Otherwise, it's just school. |
Anonymous
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2 kids, younger in AAP.
Totally not an issue in our house. Doesn't even come up, really. We don't even call it AAP or Gen Ed. It's just school. Everyone goes to the school where they are a better fit. That's all. |
Anonymous
+1000 |
Anonymous
This is absolutely false. The parents can stay completely neutral and never mention AAP vs. GE. It's the division of kids at school, and the discussions among kids about who's in AAP and who's not that make it an issue. And it becomes a huge issue if your kids' base school is a center and they aren't in AAP. I think parents whose kids are in AAP make light of the whole thing because of course, it is a non-issue - to THEM and to their kids. |
Anonymous
PP, any suggestions as to how to deal with the sibling dynamics in this case? |