Married and thinking of same sex relationships

[Anonymous]

I have been having thoughts of women lately. Not any women that I know specifically, but a gay celebrity. I think about having an explicit sex relationship and a darting one. I used to have dreams/thoughts of men!! Why all of a sudden this? I am now starting to wonder what it would be like to be with women. I am 36 and married with kids. What gives? I am wishing that I slept with a woman in my 20's to know if I would rather be with women than men. Is this something to talk to my husband about?

[Anonymous]

Yes.

[Anonymous]

Fantasy is fantasy, acting on these impulses is an entirely different matter. If you feel you need to leave your husband and pursue a relationship with a woman you should probably tell him, if you are masturbating to thoughts of other women you don't need to, unless he would be into it.

[Anonymous]

OP here. How do you know if your gay??

[Anonymous]

TROLL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. How do you know if your gay??

For the vast majority of people, sexuality isn't binary (ie, most people are not 100% straight or 100% gay), but are somewhere in a spectrum (Google the Kinsey Scale).

You're attracted to who you're attracted to. It can change in your lifetime, and your position on the spectrum of sexuality isn't fixed.

[Anonymous]

You are bisexual. Probably not a lot if it's only coming out now, but maybe you were raised particularly repressed and its stronger than you think. Doesn't matter really, you are married. Handle these like you would fantasies about other men. Would you necessarily tell your husband? Will you cheat? Or is it all harmless between the ears fun?

Signed, bisexual woman married to a man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are bisexual. Probably not a lot if it's only coming out now, but maybe you were raised particularly repressed and its stronger than you think. Doesn't matter really, you are married. Handle these like you would fantasies about other men. Would you necessarily tell your husband? Will you cheat? Or is it all harmless between the ears fun?

Signed, bisexual woman married to a man.

Thank you this helps. Do you think of women and men now that you are married to a man?

[Anonymous]

Which lady is it?

I was straight but Kristen Stewart "turned" me. I started having all these fantasies about her and gradually realized I should try a relationship with a woman

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Which lady is it?

I was straight but Kristen Stewart "turned" me. I started having all these fantasies about her and gradually realized I should try a relationship with a woman

Funny but I am straight and Kristen Stewart does something for me as well.

[Anonymous]

It's Ellen Page.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Which lady is it?

I was straight but Kristen Stewart "turned" me. I started having all these fantasies about her and gradually realized I should try a relationship with a woman

Funny but I am straight and Kristen Stewart does something for me as well.

Yeah apparently it's pretty common. There's even a word for straight girls who would go gay for her, "Krisbians". There's something about her that seems very confident and almost masculine in her aggressiveness. I dont know what it is. Apparently she is a BIG deal in the lesbian community too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are bisexual. Probably not a lot if it's only coming out now, but maybe you were raised particularly repressed and its stronger than you think. Doesn't matter really, you are married. Handle these like you would fantasies about other men. Would you necessarily tell your husband? Will you cheat? Or is it all harmless between the ears fun?

Signed, bisexual woman married to a man.

Thank you this helps. Do you think of women and men now that you are married to a man?

Of course. But it's all kind of irrelevant. I chose monogamy. OTOH, unlike you I satisfied my curiosity already. Not sure how I would feel otherwise.

Do be careful about mentioning this to your husband. The stereotype is that men aren't threatened by such things but IME they are, maybe to a different degree than if you had a particular man in mind, but still. The stereotype that they find it a turn on may be true of simple relationships, but when marriage and commitment are involved, relationships aren't simple anymore, and they may instead wonder if you're about to leave them for a woman. In your case especially this would be a risk since presumably you've never mentioned this before. It will shake his faith in you unless you're careful to make clear that this isn't a threat to your marriage. If you're not clear on that yourself, well, you have some thinking to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. How do you know if your gay??

It's me your friendly neighborhood bisexual again. You're not gay. If you were, you would not have been able to be satisfied by men for 20 years. (I'm assuming here you weren't raised Fundamentalist or anything where they might have very actively tried to repress gayness.) What you are is a woman in her 30s. You don't mention how old your kids are, but if you have been in the throes of child rearing for a while, you probably have not noticed the massive increase in sexual energy that happens to women then, because the hormones have dampened it. I'd bet that's what's going on here. As the volume on your sexuality gets turned up, so to speak, you are noticing things about your attractions you didn't notice before.

[Anonymous]

So I am 27 and first starting to realize I have sexual attraction to women. I have alway had relationships with men and was hoping this was something I could suppress, but given this thread, I'm guessing it's not and it's something I will have to explore before I settle down