Is anyone stuck in a marriage with a "friend?"

[Anonymous]

After having kids, you realize you were always better off as friends and there isn't a romantic connection. It's too late to get out, it would be selfish to do that to the kids and at this point, it's stay married or lose your best friend.

[Anonymous]

Yep.

[Anonymous]

I was, but he wanted to have intercourse much, much more frequently than I could have sex with -any- "friend." It was all I could do to have sex 1x every few weeks, given that I never had found him f&%kable. My body just doesn't allow for intimacy without chemistry. It feels violated.


This became an issue that snowballed over the years and eventually he left. As he should have, looking back on it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was, but he wanted to have intercourse much, much more frequently than I could have sex with -any- "friend." It was all I could do to have sex 1x every few weeks, given that I never had found him f&%kable. My body just doesn't allow for intimacy without chemistry. It feels violated.


This became an issue that snowballed over the years and eventually he left. As he should have, looking back on it.

Why didn't you tell him up front that you didn't want to have sex with him? Then maybe he could have avoided wasting years of his life being married to you.

[Anonymous]

You can't have everything you want in life - that's fantasy (you're a parent you should know this).
In reality the world doesn't revolve around you, people aren't custom-designed to accommodate your every desire, and YOU are responsible for your own happiness or discontent, no one else is.
So, ultimately you decide what attitudes and outlooks you're going to have and ultimately you make your own life choices so technically you can choose to recognize the unique romantic connection in your marriage and fawn all over how wonderful it is or you can choose to only recognize the cliche romantic connection depicted in books and movies and pout about how your life isn't like so-and-so's...

Oh...and even if you do get out and go searching for that vital romantic connection you yearn for so badly who's to say you'll ever find it? AND EVEN IF YOU DO FIND IT how do you know you won't end up in a similar predicament years later sitting around pouting about how even though you've got a ton of romance in your marriage there's no friendship - then what?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was, but he wanted to have intercourse much, much more frequently than I could have sex with -any- "friend." It was all I could do to have sex 1x every few weeks, given that I never had found him f&%kable. My body just doesn't allow for intimacy without chemistry. It feels violated.


This became an issue that snowballed over the years and eventually he left. As he should have, looking back on it.

Wow. Your poor ex-husband. This post makes you sound so unlikable and selfish.

[Anonymous]

The relationship boards are the most schizo boards in this whole place.

Provider vs. feminists

"i wish my husband was my best friend again" vs. "I'm stuck in a marriage with my friend"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was, but he wanted to have intercourse much, much more frequently than I could have sex with -any- "friend." It was all I could do to have sex 1x every few weeks, given that I never had found him f&%kable. My body just doesn't allow for intimacy without chemistry. It feels violated.

Not harshing on you PP, I think this happens a lot.

This became an issue that snowballed over the years and eventually he left. As he should have, looking back on it.

So, I know a woman who had difficulty with intimacy/trust and she would churn through BFs (12-18 months) and wound up going back to one she friend-zoned when the clock absolutely ran out in her early 40s. They employed IVF and had a child but I really cannot imagine what that "marriage" is like.

[Anonymous]

I htink I am in that marriage now. I don't leave becauase I know that MOST marriages end up in the friend zone. I had several long term relationships before marriage and the passion always cools to some extent, especially with kids. The worst is when the passion cools and you realize that you don't even want to be friends. We have a good enough marriage for now with a young kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:After having kids, you realize you were always better off as friends and there isn't a romantic connection. It's too late to get out, it would be selfish to do that to the kids and at this point, it's stay married or lose your best friend.

Hi, DW!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I htink I am in that marriage now. I don't leave becauase I know that MOST marriages end up in the friend zone. I had several long term relationships before marriage and the passion always cools to some extent, especially with kids. The worst is when the passion cools and you realize that you don't even want to be friends. We have a good enough marriage for now with a young kid.

You must have a medium to low sex drive. I won't let the passion cool too much in my marriage because I value that part of my life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was, but he wanted to have intercourse much, much more frequently than I could have sex with -any- "friend." It was all I could do to have sex 1x every few weeks, given that I never had found him f&%kable. My body just doesn't allow for intimacy without chemistry. It feels violated.


This became an issue that snowballed over the years and eventually he left. As he should have, looking back on it.

Why didn't you tell him up front that you didn't want to have sex with him? Then maybe he could have avoided wasting years of his life being married to you.

+1 Did you just need a sperm donor? And you didn't let him in on the fact that you weren't attracted to him? I really hope that he has found happiness with someone else.

[Anonymous]

You DWs are largely to be blamed. It is your fault so live with it!

You marry the guy just because you think this is your best chance at a stable relationship and kids, instead of marrying the guy for HIM.

Marry someone for THEM, not for anything else and then you will be happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You DWs are largely to be blamed. It is your fault so live with it!

You marry the guy just because you think this is your best chance at a stable relationship and kids, instead of marrying the guy for HIM.

Marry someone for THEM, not for anything else and then you will be happy.

I did marry the guy for him. It's 13 years later. Not much passion left in our relationship. He's largely a friend. That's life.

[Anonymous]

I'm not married to my best friend. I'm married to some bitch who takes me for granted.