DH letter. We've been having problems.preparing for divorce. Is this good or bad?

[Anonymous]

I can't trust myself to read the nuances of this letter. DH and I are preparing to divorce over his affair, lack of holding a job or contributing to the household, etc. What does this mean? I have to be honest, this makes me feel ....... Icky.


My Dearest Wife

Glad your day went well, you got some rest, re-situated DS into his house. Not ultimums by any sense but considering how bad you have been feeling any victory, small, large, or weird is good.

I love you. I think you are a marvelous wife, woman, and companion. I truly appreciate your feminine nature, ways. The emotional swings can be difficult, yet they add to the ying yang experience. Without the lows it is hard to appreciate fully the highs. I would not enjoy you as an emotional robot, someone who just agrees with me, kisses my a..., and acts, walks in step with my commands. I like you have your own spirit, thoughts, and act on them. You take control of your life, fulfill your needs, wants, and take pride in doing your tasks well.

You have always had others acting, or demanding your help in making their lives work. Selfishly you try your best to comply. The lines themselves state the exhaustion of such, yet you have done so for decades, most of the time receiving little to no recognition even less real thanks or praise. This was never greater than with xxxxxxx(aside DD who passed away)The only comfort, joy she had was feeling, believing in her parents' love. And she shined everyday from receiving unconditionally that love.

I don't know why people live their lives. For me I try to bring smiles, happiness, and hope that life is worth living, independent of the cards a person has. I have watched you for decades try to create environments, situations for the people close to you to experience their lives to their fullest, and to give them an opportunity to have their dreams become realities. At the same time to create a safety net so when their dreams, pursuits fail they don't slam to earth or have to see themselves in a mirror for what they truly have given in effort. Acts of love, mercy, and a nurtured realism.

DW, you are a remarkable women, wife, soul. God's peace be with you, and open your eyes to take heart in knowing you are appreciated and loved. I love you. I pray one day maybe I can bring a smile, calm to your face again....

You are special..........

[Anonymous]

I think he was drunk when he wrote it. It's rambling, it's vaguely complimentary, it's weird.

I'd ignore it completely. Don't respond to it in any way and carry on in the direction you were planning to go in as if he never sent it.

[Anonymous]

I don't mean to be morbid, but it sounds like a goodbye and "don't feel bad" letter. You don't think he'd hurt himself, do you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't mean to be morbid, but it sounds like a goodbye and "don't feel bad" letter. You don't think he'd hurt himself, do you?

+1

Also it makes you sound like you need help

[Anonymous]

That letter is odd and rambling, and at least a couple of words I don't think mean what he meant them to mean. Does he have a history of mental illness? It reminds me of something by sibling with bipolar disorder would write during one of her highs or lows.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That letter is odd and rambling, and at least a couple of words I don't think mean what he meant them to mean. Does he have a history of mental illness? It reminds me of something by sibling with bipolar disorder would write during one of her highs or lows.

I'm curious to know what you make of it, since you know him best.

[Anonymous]

It made me sad. He sounds sad, and lost.

[Anonymous]

You had a child that died? How long ago? I too think your husband was possibly drunk when he wrote this. I guess I would ignore- especially if your end game is divorce.

Did the two of you seek counseling after your child's death and the affair?

[Anonymous]

It's really weird. He is complimentary of you and trying to let you know that he thinks you are a good person. Yet, there's not mention of the pain he caused you or his responsibility.

I say, take it as his attempt to let you know that he appreciates the person that you are. Then ignore it and move on with the divorce.

[Anonymous]

Given the background information...I'm getting -

"I really, really, really appreciate and LOVE you. I admire you, I put you on a pedestal. You are EVERYTHING good and wise in a woman. If only I could be as wonderful to you as you are to me. Hopefully one day I will be worthy of your love".

He knows his gig is up and he's trying to butter you up into extending his stay.

Actions speak louder than words do and you know his history.

[Anonymous]

Weird. I'd divorce him simply because his writing and intellect are sophmoric. what a dumb dumb.

[Anonymous]

Are you a sahm

[Anonymous]

OP says: No I'm a professional woman. I just don't know what to make of it and wanted an outside view of this letter. It was sent to me in an email. I think it's, at the very least strange, vague, unsupported, and off the wall. It doesn't inspire warm fuzzies or fond memories. It's like he's trying too hard. It's not believable to me, in that I don't see sincere emotion or feelings in it. The writer seems to want to try to capture passion, which is absent. Maybe manipulative????? I don't know.

To some of the other questions:

I don't think he's suicidal.

Our daughter died of Cystic Fibrosis. It was the most painful day of being alive. I dread Mother's Day. In some ways, maybe this was meant to acknowledge that.

I do think he has a mental disorder. Seriously. I think he's on the antisocial PD spectrum, but unless you live it, no one believes you. He's got a bunch of groupies that think he walks on water.

Maybe that helps with context.

[Anonymous]

I think it sounds final. He wants you to know that you were appreciated and he wants the best for you, but not with you. It also sounds like he is really suffering - most likely from the death of his/your DD and the divorce. He sounds lost but isn't asking anything of you. He feels remorse. My main concern, if I were you, is that he sounds very depressed. Still, maybe that's not your concern anymore. I don't think there's much else in it.

[Anonymous]

If you feel it isn't sincere then it probably isn't. Like PP said, he's buttering you up, hoping you'd let your guard down. Proceed like you never received it.