Quitting a team sports mid-season
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Anonymous
| Could you tell me why many think it's not ideal to quit a team sport in the middle of season, even if DC no longer enjoys it? I may not be thinking this straight but there's still more than a month left and DC is miserable already, and I fear forcing him to continue will kill it for him. That's the least I want to see happen. |
Anonymous
| How old is he? And why does he want to quit? |
Anonymous
| We require dc's complete a season. Oldest Is nearly 11, and responds well to short-term rewards like post-gaMe pizza and sleepovers with team mates. For the longer term, we discuss the importance of commitment, completion, and fitness. We don't allow them to quit mid-season. I told one dc recently that even if he felt he was nOt very good at it, as long as he tried his best he would feel good at the end of the game, no matter the outcome. Half the team is new to the sport and they are terrible and rarely win! It's kinda funny and we try to get dc's to laugh about it too! |
Anonymous
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DC is 10. He felt overscheduled/overstretched because of doing two sports this season (we're mostly to blame not knowing the commitment level beforehand), and said wanted to focus on just one sport (didn't say which) so he'd have more free time/time to rest. I think he wants a break mentally more than actual free/rest time as he does get plenty of that.
As far as I can tell it has little to do with how the teams do or his own performance. |
Anonymous
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The problem is it leaves the team short-handed. Depends on the sport, but with multiple sports and conflicts, my son's baseball team has yet to have a sub on the bench this year. That's fine for baseball, but it stinks for soccer or basketball. You've "taken a slot" on the team, and if you decide to quit mid-season, it could screw up the experience for 10 other kids. That is why we follow through on our commitments, we consider others.
That's the lesson here. You misjudged this commitment, but if at all possible, you suck it up and prevent making others pay for your mistake. That said, if DS is really feeling overwhelmed, I'd fine ways to lighten his load. Maybe skip a practice now and then to give him a break. |
Anonymous
| I am not a fan of any child being allowed to quit a sport's team midseason. It just sends the wrong message about commitment and teamwork. I would have your DS tough it out, if I were you, and learn from the experience. |
Anonymous
| Re the team being short-handed, sometimes true and sometimes not. If there are 18 players on a soccer team that plays 9 v 9, one fewer player might be a good thing. I think it's fair to make an honest assessment of the impact to the team. If quitting would have an impact, you stick it out. If not, give your son the break he seems to need. |
Anonymous
This. |
Anonymous
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I only let DC quit b/c I could not trust his judgment (from a personal level, not sports judgment) and did not want my child to be around a person like that. The league couldn't find a replacement coach, but they tried. They knew he was a problem.... but they needed him as a coach.
Other than that, I would have made DS stay on the team. In your case, OP, your son is on another team. So, if the team he wants to quit wouldn't be in a bad position if he left, then I'd let him b/c he is still committed to the other team and understands what it means to do his part. If the team he wants to quit would be in a difficult spot b/c he left (not enough players), then I would make him stay. |
Anonymous
I meant to say that I couldn't trust THE COACH's JUDGMENT with kids. He was a piece of work! |
Anonymous
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Thanks. Until now I'd never even thought about letting my DC quit a sport mid-season, and he's been on sports teams since K. This is also the first time he expressed the desire to quit and with a good reason, so I don't want to just overrule him.
Hopefully the coach will understand. |
Anonymous
More than a month? That's not very long, OP. Five weeks, six weeks? Until the end of the school year, basically? I would talk to DC and say that in the great scheme of things this isn't actually that long, though if it's "midseason" it may feel eternal to him. But I'd tell DC you are asking him to stick it out because it's not that long, realistically, and the rest of the team is depending on him; then assure him that he does not have to do this again, and you and he will do more and better research next time about the commitments involved. Or just say no more two-sport seasons, period. I know a lot of families that have that rule. You write that you fear forcing him to finish will "kill it for him" but it sounds like his interest is dead already; at this point it's all about whether he can deal long enough for the sake of his friends on the team. If he is going to spend the remaining weeks griping or grousing about it to them, the coach and team won't want him around anyway. But if he's able to tough it out, and not do it with a long face and a lot of complaint--praise him for doing just that and being positive (even if he has to put on an act to be positive; we all have to put on the act at times). Try to explain it so he can see that the end is in sight and this is unpleasant but doable. See if he can learn to say, "OK, I don't have to love this, but I can power through these last weeks and then I am done." Y One caveat: If, other than just needing more down time this is somehow affecting him outside the game--if he is having trouble getting schoolwork done due to the commitment you didn't know would be so tough--that's an immediate deal-breaker, to me at least. School comes first. If he is wanting to leave because of other issues such as being picked on or bullied on the team, that also is a deal-breaker. (You don't mention that possibility but it's worth checking in with him: "Is there anything else going on in the team, or in the way the other kids or coach are acting to you, that's behind this?") In such cases I'd say yes, you can stop right now. |
Anonymous
+1 I am also not a fan of 2 sports per season. They always end up letting one of the teams or coaches down due to conflicts. By 2nd grade we were a 1-sport per season per kid family. They excel at many sports, we make them choose 1. |
Anonymous
Let him quit. Adults walk away from situations that make them miserable all the time, and are called smart for doing so. If a child wants to walk away from something that makes him or her miserable, then the whole OMG commitment and character panic starts. To which I say: baloney. Value your child's peace of mind over the team. The team will manage. Your child shold know that his voice is being heard and that his inner balance is valued and respected. Other posters, flame away, I don't care. |
Anonymous
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I allowed to let my 7 year old quit winter swimming,which was more like a stroke clinic. No real competition. I felt I messed up by committing a young child to 9 months of an activity. For seasonal sports, I don't let him quit. The term is much shorter, the team depends on player attendance, and it is important to learn commitment at an age-appropriate level.
For PP who says let him quit, I agree with this, too. But I think it's a balance of figuring out the kid's true misery vs. being a good team player. If the kid is bummed that he's sitting the bench more than he'd like, I think it helps to encourage him to stick it out. There's a lesson there, too, and next year he likely will get more playing time as he gets older and more skilled. On the other hand, if the coach is making the kid miserable by being overly competitive or yelling, or teammates are demeaning, I'd let the kid quit in a heartbeat. |