Dating and herpes

[Anonymous]

When do you tell your date?

Would you run for the hills if someone told you they had herpes?

[Anonymous]

This is something you have to time properly. It's ideal when you know genuinely like you and want to pursue something, but not when the person is too far on the hook to gracefully exit. Maybe by the 3rd-5th date. Obviously before you sleep together.

Many people have it, it's just not dinner conversation...

[Anonymous]

Make sure that, when you do tell them, you're completely educated on the matter. You'll want to be able to answer all their questions about disease transmission, risk factors, etc.

There are dating sites for people with herpes that are quite active. It might be easier to use one of those sites, and avoid having "the talk" at all.

[Anonymous]

Yes I would run for the hill

[Anonymous]

I don't believe if told early into a relationship I could continue it.

[Anonymous]

I dated a guy who had herpes. He told me after a few dates, before we went past second base. We were at his house, sitting on the couch. He was nervous but honest. I appreciated the honesty. He knew where and when he got it, had had it for awhile, was being treated, and knew what precautions we needed to take. I kept dating him. We had lots of (safe) sex. We broke up eventually, but not because of that. I never got herpes.

[Anonymous]

Before you kiss
Kissing can transmit it
The person deserves to make the decision whether to take that risk

[Anonymous]

I’ve been diagnosed for nearly 3yrs, and I was crying every night at the beginning and one day one of my friend told me that the best method to solve this problem is finding a partner, I don't believe that I can find one until I give a try to this site, http://herpesdatinggroups.com , it is the best club for herpes singles in the U.S., it’s free for anybody to join, and there are a great deal of real and active members to have a talk, and, of course, a date, and it indeed protects my privacy very well, and you can check it with mobile, too. Oh, I have to meet my BF now, and see you later.

[Anonymous]

It might feel like it initially, but it really is not the end of the world.

I would have "the talk" when it looked like we were getting close to intimacy, but before the actual heat of the moment. It has been tough to have that talk, but the guy who gave it to me never did; I would hate to put someone else in that position. I decided not to let herpes define me, so I never joined any herpes dating sites.

Out of about 10 prospective partners, only one decided my having herpes was a problem for him. He later changed his mind, though, but I had already moved on.

I take necessary precautions, and no one (including my now DH) has caught herpes from me.

[Anonymous]

Sorry but I would run for the hills. I could only imagine staying if I had already fallen in love when I was told. But waiting that long is pretty dishonest. So, yeah...

[Anonymous]

http://www.positivesingles.com is another good site, but you do have to pay to get the real good benefits (contacting someone with more than a wink). If you're a woman, you can probably get enough out of the site without paying.

Also, 00:54, you're talking about HSV 1, not 2. HSV2 is genital, HSV1 is oral.

Rates of HSV-1 are between 70% and 80% in populations of low socioeconomic status and 40% to 60% in populations of improved socioeconomic status.[9] An estimated 536 million people worldwide (16% of the population) were infected with HSV-2 as of 2003 with greater rates among women and those in the developing world.[10] Most people with HSV-2 do not realize that they are infected.[1] (wikipedia)

So, chances are pretty high you've already got HSV1. Some even claim it's very high for HSV2 the older you get:

http://commonhealth.wbur.org/2011/04/latest-genital-herpes
FLATOW: Let me go over that number again because you’re saying that – it’s hard to believe – you’re saying that for women between the age of 40 and 50…
FLATOW: You’re saying that between 50 and 75 percent of them have herpes type 2?
Dr. LEONE: That’s exactly right. Yeah.

I've had HSV2 for over 20 years. My X gave it to me without knowing she had it. After our divorce a few years ago, I was worried, but haven't had any issues finding a partner (using positivesingles.com). I know I'm still infected and can transmit the disease, but I haven't had a single outbreak in over 10 years. It's not the end of the world.

[Anonymous]

I'm 49. I've had herpes (HSV1, but from oral/genital contact) since I was 23 and I've never infected another person. Married 16 years and my husband is not infected.

I told him about 4 dates in, when we had been making out and were clearly attracted to each other but hadn't gotten naked yet. He's a mensch, and not stupid about this stuff, so it was fine. He did think about it, but I was glad for that.

Good luck. I spent awhile thinking herpes was the end of the world, and now I literally never think of it. I've been lucky -- I've probably only ever had two real (genital) outbreaks (that I've been aware of). I very rarely get cold sores on my lip, and then I'm super careful about kissing. It doesn't have to be a big deal.

[Anonymous]

I have the big h so I have been in your shoes. I was so upset when I got it and thought I would be single forever. I tried the herpes dating sites, but I never met anybody I wanted to continue seeing. Plus I didn't like the idea of having to lie about how we met if we got serious. I also dated in "real life" and told three guys I had it. I waited about two months before telling them, before we were intimate. Two times, the guys ended the relationship because of it, which was really tough. The third time, the guy said he wasn't going anywhere and didn't mind, and now we are married with a baby. Some people may say waiting two months is too long to wait, but I think you have a right to take your time to decide if it's worth disclosing this very personal bit of information. It takes time to get to know someone and to determine if they are trustworthy. Even if it doesn't work out, you don't want that person to tell everyone they know.

Good luck, it gets better. Remember it's a manageable skin condition and it doesn't define who you are.

[Anonymous]

Good luck, it gets better. Remember it's a manageable skin condition

And crabs are a minor hair issue?

[Anonymous]

I would definitely run for the hills.