My mom is a bad driver and we don't let her drive our kid. She wants to.

[sunshineandrain]

When our son was born my husband let everybody know that only he or I could drive our son. Across the board—nobody.

Now our tot is 4 and my mom’s lobbying to be able to drive him around. It’s true that my mom is a bad driver. In the past 10 years, she’s had a few accidents, including totaling a car 2 years ago. And she may have totaled a rental car 8 years ago.

My mom lives across the country so only sees him 2-3 times year. She just wants to be able to drive him to the library, pool, park or to do errands, etc. Sometimes when she visits it’s because his school is closed and she cares for him so we can work. Then I really feel like a jerk. My mom is an A+ grandma and I know she’s never intentionally hurt one hair on his head.

She’s visiting soon and really wants to drive him. And she’d be okay with limits, like no freeway driving (she is terrible on the freeway). I’m ready to relent and let her take him around but my husband isn’t. He doesn’t even like it when I ride with her.

Advice?

[Anonymous]

No way. If your husband is not on board with this, then the answer is no. And how could you even fathom taking the risk when you have proof your mother is not a good driver?

[Anonymous]

sunshineandrain wrote:When our son was born my husband let everybody know that only he or I could drive our son. Across the board—nobody.

Your first sentence is ridiculous and smacks of paranoid first time parents, which undermines the whole story.

However, if someone was a really bad driver, I would never relent and let them drive my children, period. Your mother's driving is only going to get worse and at one point she'll have to be convinced not to drive. It happened to my FIL after he scared the living daylight out of his neighborhood scraping up parked cars and narrowly missing hitting some kids a few times - the parents came complaining to my BIL living nearby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

sunshineandrain wrote:When our son was born my husband let everybody know that only he or I could drive our son. Across the board—nobody.

Your first sentence is ridiculous and smacks of paranoid first time parents, which undermines the whole story.

However, if someone was a really bad driver, I would never relent and let them drive my children, period. Your mother's driving is only going to get worse and at one point she'll have to be convinced not to drive. It happened to my FIL after he scared the living daylight out of his neighborhood scraping up parked cars and narrowly missing hitting some kids a few times - the parents came complaining to my BIL living nearby.

I agree. A blanket ban on anyone other than parents driving kids just makes you look silly. But if your mom really is a bad driver, I see no problem with telling her that she can't drive your son.

[Anonymous]

Add to the fact that if she lives across the country she's unfamiliar with your area and more likely to not drive her best. I think it's fine to say no.

However I hope your husband is ready to hold up his end of the deal and drive to every single ball game, soccer practice, birthday party, etc. It gets tough as they get older if you can't carpool - especially for working parents.

[Anonymous]

No one has ever driven your child in his four years of life? Seriously, why is that an issue?

Anyways, i would let her drive to the local park, pool, library, etc. All should be within 15 minutes of driving distance and have her call once she reaches the destination

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

sunshineandrain wrote:When our son was born my husband let everybody know that only he or I could drive our son. Across the board—nobody.

Your first sentence is ridiculous and smacks of paranoid first time parents, which undermines the whole story.

However, if someone was a really bad driver, I would never relent and let them drive my children, period. Your mother's driving is only going to get worse and at one point she'll have to be convinced not to drive. It happened to my FIL after he scared the living daylight out of his neighborhood scraping up parked cars and narrowly missing hitting some kids a few times - the parents came complaining to my BIL living nearby.

I'm assuming the blanket ban was because of OP's mom. More diplomatic to say "no one can drive our kid" than to say "You can't drive our kid because you are a crappy driver". Seems unsustainable, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one has ever driven your child in his four years of life? Seriously, why is that an issue?

Anyways, i would let her drive to the local park, pool, library, etc. All should be within 15 minutes of driving distance and have her call once she reaches the destination

Don't most accidents occur within a few miles of home?

[Anonymous]

I assume she drove you around as a baby, OP, and you're alive and well...

[Anonymous]

Order her an uber with a car seat to take them somewhere when she visits.....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one has ever driven your child in his four years of life? Seriously, why is that an issue?

Anyways, i would let her drive to the local park, pool, library, etc. All should be within 15 minutes of driving distance and have her call once she reaches the destination

Don't most accidents occur within a few miles of home?

Only because we spend most of our time in cars driving within few miles of our homes. That was always such a pointless statistic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I assume she drove you around as a baby, OP, and you're alive and well...

I hate comments like this. I am sure OP's mom did lots of unsafe things, but that doesn't mean they are ok now. Plus her driving ability could have deteriorated in the last several years.

OP, I am with your husband. She totaled a car 2 years ago an you admit he is an awful driver, it's just not worth the risk. She can be an A+ grandma at home or with you driving places.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I assume she drove you around as a baby, OP, and you're alive and well...

Most of us also slept on our stomachs as children, too. What's your point here, PP?

[Anonymous]

Eh I'm kind of on dh's side. Driving is likely the single most dangerous thing any of us does on a daily basis. That said, I do let others drive my kids but I'm pretty selective. If I had evidence that someone was a bad driver, I would have no problem saying "absolutely not". OP it's on you to find activities they can get to without a car.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I assume she drove you around as a baby, OP, and you're alive and well...

Most of us also slept on our stomachs as children, too. What's your point here, PP?

What's wrong with sleeping on our stomachs? Our babies slept on their stomachs and are just fine.

Sheesh.