My mom is a bad driver and we don't let her drive our kid. She wants to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Eh I'm kind of on dh's side. Driving is likely the single most dangerous thing any of us does on a daily basis. That said, I do let others drive my kids but I'm pretty selective. If I had evidence that someone was a bad driver, I would have no problem saying "absolutely not". OP it's on you to find activities they can get to without a car.

+1

[Anonymous]

There are many things you can give into relatives on. Safety is not one of them. If you have concerns about her driving, she should not be driving your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are many things you can give into relatives on. Safety is not one of them. If you have concerns about her driving, she should not be driving your child.

This sums it all up well. OP, you have to be prepared with what you'll say when your mom protests and gives you a thousand reasons why this is unfair, or why she is a fine driver, etc. I would seriously sit down and prepare your list of what you will say to her, so that you and your husband give her the same responses and so you aren't blindsided if she gets emotional on you. She may also try to make this all about "Your husband doesn't like me and never has, and that's what's really going on" etc. - If you suspect she might take that route, again, prepare in advance how you will respond to that.

It never hurts to be ready if there's going to be emotional blackmail or tears or just protests. Preparing what you'll say and sticking consistently to it (and being ready to change the subject every single time it comes up) can make this easier on you and your husband too.

And as someone else noted, have a lot of specific things planned that she can choose from to do with your child, so she can't complain that "We just sit here all day!"

[Anonymous]

She wants to

Doesn't matter in the least.

YOU (and husband) decide.
That's it. That's all.
I didn't even read your whole post, the blah, blah, blah doesn't matter.

[Anonymous]

I am a grandma of young children who live in another state. I babysit sometimes while my son and his wife go out. It's great for all of us. I wrecked a car some years ago (fell asleep at the wheel on a long drive; thank God I did not kill anyone). I TOTALLY understand why my son and his wife do not want me to drive their little ones anywhere. I don't know if their feelings about this will ever change, but if not, it is completely my own fault.

There are lots of ways to have great times with the grandkids without having to drive somewhere. Among other outdoor things, we take a lot of neighborhood walks, go to nearby parks and playgrounds, and play in the backyard in any kind of weather. Inside, we have a huge variety of activities that we do together, including arts and crafts, music, cooking, junior carpenter type stuff, stories, on and on. I am frankly just as glad not to have to deal with cars, car seats, and driving.

Your mother needs to accept her share of responsibility for your stance and deal with it.

[Anonymous]

My kids are 16 and 14 and they have only been driven by dh and I. Its a non issue.

I was a sahm when they were younger so not an issue.
I guess if you put work first then you have to settle for others driving them.

[Anonymous]

Where does she want to drive them? Why is it so important to her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a grandma of young children who live in another state. I babysit sometimes while my son and his wife go out. It's great for all of us. I wrecked a car some years ago (fell asleep at the wheel on a long drive; thank God I did not kill anyone). I TOTALLY understand why my son and his wife do not want me to drive their little ones anywhere. I don't know if their feelings about this will ever change, but if not, it is completely my own fault.

There are lots of ways to have great times with the grandkids without having to drive somewhere. Among other outdoor things, we take a lot of neighborhood walks, go to nearby parks and playgrounds, and play in the backyard in any kind of weather. Inside, we have a huge variety of activities that we do together, including arts and crafts, music, cooking, junior carpenter type stuff, stories, on and on. I am frankly just as glad not to have to deal with cars, car seats, and driving.

Your mother needs to accept her share of responsibility for your stance and deal with it.

NP here. Thank you for being a sane grandparent.

[Anonymous]

22;55 here. We're bracing for the same battle. So far we have just managed to join MIL on every outing, but I'm expecting a battle in the future. We dont want to offend her, but obviously our children's safety is not up for debate. Besides, we know she'd lie and tell us everything is now fine/she's medicated/she sleeps at night/ she took a driving test, etc. Nope.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids are 16 and 14 and they have only been driven by dh and I. Its a non issue.

I was a sahm when they were younger so not an issue.
I guess if you put work first then you have to settle for others driving them.

I am also an SAHM of a teenager, but I find your post very judging of others' choices. "I guess if you put work first you have to settle for others driving them." Really? Some families absolutely need both parents' incomes and they're not just "putting work first" for fun, and "settling" on compromising their kids' safety. They're putting food on the table and paying the mortgage. Lovely if you (and we) can do that and still have a parent who can chauffeur all day and night, but you should can the snarky judgment of families who either need, or simply choose, to have others drive their kids.

Wow, you've never, ever even let another parent give your teenagers a lift home from an activity? I bet the first time you do, you'll issue a thousand instructions to the adult and your kids, and it won't happen a second time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I assume she drove you around as a baby, OP, and you're alive and well...

Such a stupid thing to say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

sunshineandrain wrote:When our son was born my husband let everybody know that only he or I could drive our son. Across the board—nobody.

Your first sentence is ridiculous and smacks of paranoid first time parents, which undermines the whole story.

However, if someone was a really bad driver, I would never relent and let them drive my children, period. Your mother's driving is only going to get worse and at one point she'll have to be convinced not to drive. It happened to my FIL after he scared the living daylight out of his neighborhood scraping up parked cars and narrowly missing hitting some kids a few times - the parents came complaining to my BIL living nearby.

I've done stuff like this to avoid telling my mom that she is the problem. It's a lot easier to make myself look like a paranoid parent than tell my mother that SHE Is the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids are 16 and 14 and they have only been driven by dh and I. Its a non issue.

I was a sahm when they were younger so not an issue.
I guess if you put work first then you have to settle for others driving them.

Wow, I can see nixing particular drivers you know are bad from driving around your kids (for example elderly grandparents or in our case DS's best friend's dad -- it's tricky but we manage to lever let him drive DS). But I can't imagine having kids your age who have only been driven by DH and me. That is a real control freak thing and someday your kids will resent it. (I say this from experience, because my mom was a control freak about driving and I still resent her for it.) And don't you ever have a time where one child wants to go on a day drip with a friend's family? Or one kid needs to be someplace and another needs to be somewhere else?

By the way, see what I did there with the construction "by DH and me" ? With prepositions, always use objective case. If you wouldn't say "by I/with I/for I/to I" then you shouldn't say "by/with/for/to so & so and I."

I figure if you can smugly lecture working moms on their priorities and commitment to their children, I can smugly lecture you on your grammar mistakes.

[Anonymous]

If you have a rule that you can enforce when people respect you, then you have to be extra forceful at enforcing it with pushy people.

AKA: Don't change the rules because your mom is a whiny b.

[Anonymous]

Did this with my FIL and at one point my DH caved and I had to stand up alone, and make DH get out of the passenger seat and get his dad out of the driver's seat of the already running car.

I am normally rather conflict-adverse, let me tell you, it took NERVE on my part. My FIL is more business-like with me (read: permanently pissed off).

Do I care? Yes, I like him. Would I do anything differently if I had another chance? No. I will not compromise safety just because somebody is my patriarch or matriarch and used to getting their way.