How much do you tell your parents -- good or bad news?

[Anonymous]

Just curious. If something good happens to you -- like a new job or a promotion or something -- do you immediately call your parents and tell? Or do you wait until the details are ironed out, you're settled into said new job or have at least decided you're taking it -- and then tell?

I guess it matters how your parents react to such things with their adult kids. Are you more likely to tell if your parents will just say -- that's great sweetie, I'm so proud, I know you'll make the right decision -- versus -- peppering you with questions as THEY try to decide what you should do or second guess your decision?

I'm asking this for self sufficient adults (married or not); I don't mean if you're 22 and still on their payroll bc then they may have some "right" or inclination to weigh in on your life.

[Anonymous]

Well, I'm not close with my parents. But my husband is super close with his - they talk almost daily. So he tells them most things - like when he was worried he was going to be laid off, when he was thinking about starting his own firm, when we absorbed a relatives baby into our family (we ALL had many talks about that as it was happening).

Every once in a while I ask him not to tell his parents things. I asked him way in the beginning to not discuss our sex life with them. I asked him not to tell his mom when I was scared to have sex after giving birth, for example.

His parents are very supportive and good listeners. They're the type to say "It sounds like you've thought about this from every angle; I'm sure you'll make a great decision and make whatever decision you make work for you and the family; I love you no matter what." So overall super supportive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, I'm not close with my parents. But my husband is super close with his - they talk almost daily. So he tells them most things - like when he was worried he was going to be laid off, when he was thinking about starting his own firm, when we absorbed a relatives baby into our family (we ALL had many talks about that as it was happening).

Every once in a while I ask him not to tell his parents things. I asked him way in the beginning to not discuss our sex life with them. I asked him not to tell his mom when I was scared to have sex after giving birth, for example.

His parents are very supportive and good listeners. They're the type to say "It sounds like you've thought about this from every angle; I'm sure you'll make a great decision and make whatever decision you make work for you and the family; I love you no matter what." So overall super supportive.

I think this is the key. My husband's mother was also like this and I loved talking to her. My parents, on the other hand, have a critical and judgmental tone and offer countless "suggestions" that are filled with pressure if they are not taken. So I often edit or gloss over issues because it's difficult to deal with their hectoring and know-betterism. I've learned from therapy that it's a product of their anxiety, but it's still hard to take. They can't even accept good news.

[Anonymous]

My parents were ALWAYS very supportive and never critical. When I was about 45, I had a lump and decided not to tell my mother unless the outcome was bad news. She would have worried. All went well and I never told her about that incident.

[Anonymous]

My parents are dead. Tell ILs very little because MIL is a blabber mouth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, I'm not close with my parents. But my husband is super close with his - they talk almost daily. So he tells them most things - like when he was worried he was going to be laid off, when he was thinking about starting his own firm, when we absorbed a relatives baby into our family (we ALL had many talks about that as it was happening).

Every once in a while I ask him not to tell his parents things. I asked him way in the beginning to not discuss our sex life with them. I asked him not to tell his mom when I was scared to have sex after giving birth, for example.

His parents are very supportive and good listeners. They're the type to say "It sounds like you've thought about this from every angle; I'm sure you'll make a great decision and make whatever decision you make work for you and the family; I love you no matter what." So overall super supportive.

The fact you had to ask him not to discuss your sex life with his parents is absolutely ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

I don't call specifically to report on things, but we are in touch a lot, so I can easily wait till next time we connect.

I don't tell any bad news, unless it concerns my parents somehow, or there is no hiding it. I don't want to worry them over minor annoyances, because I don't think it is worth it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, I'm not close with my parents. But my husband is super close with his - they talk almost daily. So he tells them most things - like when he was worried he was going to be laid off, when he was thinking about starting his own firm, when we absorbed a relatives baby into our family (we ALL had many talks about that as it was happening).

Every once in a while I ask him not to tell his parents things. I asked him way in the beginning to not discuss our sex life with them. I asked him not to tell his mom when I was scared to have sex after giving birth, for example.

His parents are very supportive and good listeners. They're the type to say "It sounds like you've thought about this from every angle; I'm sure you'll make a great decision and make whatever decision you make work for you and the family; I love you no matter what." So overall super supportive.

I think this is the key. My husband's mother was also like this and I loved talking to her. My parents, on the other hand, have a critical and judgmental tone and offer countless "suggestions" that are filled with pressure if they are not taken. So I often edit or gloss over issues because it's difficult to deal with their hectoring and know-betterism. I've learned from therapy that it's a product of their anxiety, but it's still hard to take. They can't even accept good news.

+1

My parents were supportive and loving. They are deceased now and I miss them daily.
My In Laws are toxic evil spawns. We don't tell them anything. MIL doesn't listen to 90% of what my husband says anyway. My husband works for a security contractor in finance. My MIL thinks he is a security guard. We just let her think that.

[Anonymous]

More than I should!

I need to remember that anything remotely negative that DH, DS or DD does becomes fodder for snowballing and criticism later on, if not right away.

I should just share the positive - however sometimes it's hard not to seek perspective/support on a problem.

[Anonymous]

I talk to my parents about once a month and have weekly emails with them. Usually I'm sharing pics of the kids with them or my dad is forwarding me some random article that he thinks is funny. I tell my parents what's going on in my life when we're already talking. I don't specifically call to tell them I got an interview. They're supportive mostly - my mom asks questions that I don't always appreciate but it's not serious enough for me to not share things with her.

My MIL likes to get play by play updates from DH on what's going on his life, and she likes to weigh in on each decision point. It's kind of stressful for him, but out of respect, keeps her looped in anyway.

[Anonymous]

I don't tell my parents crap. My mom is a blabber mouth and I was never really close with my dad. I guess that's kind of weird since I see them quite a bit so you'd think I was close with them and tell them everything...but no.

[Anonymous]

DH and I are very private, but I share some simple things with my parents. We tell inlays close to nothing. They love to talk about everyone they know so we don't give them "news" to spread.

[Anonymous]

inlays= inlaws ^

[Anonymous]

My mom is hyper critical and unsupportive so I share as little as possible.

[Anonymous]

I tell them things usually as they are happening since we talk pretty often (they are divorced so often it means having the same conversation twice)- if its something where I don't want them to needlessly stress or worry I might keep that to myself. If its good news I will probably tell them right away unless I know I am going to see them soon and want to save it for something in person.

Personally, I would find it odd to not tell my parents about a new job until a long time in, but that's just me- we have a good relationship so we aren't so calculated about these things.

I wasn't "on the payroll" at 22 either so it was the same then as it is at 34, except now they have a grandchild so they honestly want to know more about his day than mine!