Vent: clueless dh
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Anonymous
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Whenever we're all out together with our 2 kids, dh just zooms off ahead, leaving me to carry out infant in the car seat which weighs 29lbs, and a big diaper bag. So at a restaurant for instance, there I am with the baby in car seat, diaper bag and older child in front of me as he walks ahead. Whenever I ask for help he will do it, but with annoyance or some kind of exchange, like I have to carry everything else. I feel like a packhorse, and I'm small, only 110lbs.
That's who I married though, so can't even complain and I can't change him. He was never a gentleman in the traditional sense. When I was 9 months pregnant and couldn't see my feet and bend over to reach my shoes, I asked him to help me with zipping up my boots. His response- "I don't want to set a bad precedent." I put the damn boots on myself by lying on the couch, thinking what a jerk he was. Just a vent. |
Anonymous
| He sounds like an asshole. |
Anonymous
| He doesn't sound clueless; he sounds like he actively doesn't want to help you. You should stop going places until he agrees to help. |
Anonymous
| They are his children, OP. DEMAND that he help you. You aren't the family pack-mule. |
Anonymous
| They are his children, OP. DEMAND that he help you. You aren't the family pack-mule. |
Anonymous
| That's not clueless. That just being a$$hole. Sorry you think it's ok, but your DH (as described) needs to grow up and do his freaking part. |
Anonymous
| This is why you don't marry an asshole, now your kids will grow up thinking that behavior is okay. Wtf is wrong with people? |
Anonymous
Fixed that for you |
Anonymous
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My husband used to shave my legs for me when I was pregnant. He also went out of his way to not only carry any bags I might have but pack those bags with me after the kids came along.
Your husband is a straight up asshole. |
Anonymous
| Your husband sounds awful. My husband is almost annoying in how he WON'T let me overburden myself when we are out with the kids. He insists on helping as much as possible to reduce the physical strain on me. He says I have done enough with pregnancy, childbirth, breastfeeding, and still doing more lifting at home day to day. Your husband should be ashamed of his disrespectful attitude toward you and the seflish example he is setting for your kids. |
Anonymous
| Guy here, also father of two. Your DH is being an ass. |
Anonymous
| Wow, I'm sorry you chose to marry him. Now put your foot down or it will never ever get better. |
Anonymous
| Wow. He's an ass and you're a doormat. |
Anonymous
| Op my husband is a total asshole but he does carry heavy stuff for me incl car seat. Sorry that's happening to you. Next time there is an outing tell him he has to carry his weight or you are not going. You have to assert yourself when you are married to an asshole. |
Anonymous
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Clueless is "Oh, whoops. I didn't realize you were left carrying everything. Let me get that."
Asshole is: "Let's not make me helping you become a habit." You married and have continued to have children with an asshole. You teach people how to treat you. Your first step is to recognize that this is not "clueless" behavior, but asshole behavior. Your next step is to call him out on it as in "We're all working hard here. You don't get to be rude. Your job is to support me, and mine is to support you. Marriage isn't about nickel and diming. If I need help, you do it because you love me and care about me. If you can't do that, then we need to have a different conversation with a third party present." |