if your child is in daycare (and no, I'm NOT a troll)

[Anonymous]

Curious who else feels pangs of guilt about someone else influencing your child those hours you can't be with them. I'm talking about younger than 5 years old (the formative years I believe the say, the years that determine personality, etc.)
I work PT, which I am grateful for, but the guilt is no less palpable. I love my job, but I also feel like I'm shortchanging my kid. Just looking for commiseration here. One of those days, you know?

[Anonymous]

When my child was in daycare, I did not feel guilt about sending her there. I didn't feel like I was shortchanging her.

I understand where you're coming from, and maybe you could feel better about it if you recognize the things she is getting from daycare that you wouldn't be giving her that are awesome.

[Anonymous]

My 2 year old is in full-time daycare in my work building. I love that there are others influencing my child; his providers have been incredibly loving and are teaching him self-sufficiency like I never could. They taught him how to get dressed, potty-training, serving himself food, etc. These are things that I probably would have just continued to do for him for quite awhile.

Do I feel pangs of guilt for leaving him sometimes? Yes, definitely, but less so now than when he was a baby. That said, I'm incredibly grateful for the care that he receives and it has definitely been the right choice for our whole family.

I hope tomorrow feels better- could you cut out a little early for some extra cuddling/playtime today?

[Anonymous]

I'm a better mom because my kids went to daycare. No guilt here.

[Anonymous]

I feel it a little bit, but I've always liked the idea of many people influencing a child. I wouldn't have chosen the daycare if I didn't think they would be a good influence. I think she gets a lot out of it and her classmates are great kids.

If the feeling gets too bad, I take a half day off and we have a special outing.

[Anonymous]

On the one hand, I'd love to spend more time with my kid. But I don't feel guilty that someone else is "influencing" her. I like the staff at our daycare, they are genuinely caring and affectionate with the kids, and I trust them to take good care of her. And in my book, the more people who love and care about my daughter, the better! She's happy and thriving. I wish I could work less than 40 hours a week, but I don't feel guilty about it. I'm doing what I gotta do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a better mom because my kids went to daycare. No guilt here.

This. I stayed at home the first five years with my first/second and then a perfect part time job came along. I have SO MUCH MORE to give now that I get those 3 days away! I literally fill every second with fun activities and quality time where beforehand I was constantly exhausted and missed the mental stimulation (unknowingly too; i would of considered myself a happy stay a home mom).

[Anonymous]

Do you have a partner? Does your partner work for pay? Does your partner feel that they love their job, but they're shortchanging their child? Does your partner feel guilty?

[Anonymous]

I do. We had a wonderful nanny and I felt that my child is in great hands, but the nanny quit and DC started daycare. He is OK there, but not great. I rush everyday to pick him up early, I am terribly behind in everything, and I am consumed with guilt.

[Anonymous]

I have guilt about missing time and moments, but not about others' influence. With both kids, the daycare got them on a more regular schedule (where I had failed!) and gave them great early exposure to multiple languages (again, not a success of mine...I realized after correcting DC multiple times that he was speaking in spanish, not just mangling words ).

[Anonymous]

I do not feel guilty at all; flame me if you must. Instead I appreciate that my toddler DD has kind caregivers who are introducing her to art projects, helped us wean her off the bottle, helped transition her to a consistent nap schedule, and provide balanced (catered) lunches. She is there about 7 hours each day and I think she is thriving.

When my maternity leave ended I felt really sad about returning to work, but now I am extremely happy with our choice. Switching to a daycare we love was the difference.

[Anonymous]

I work full time. I do not feel guilty AT ALL. I was a daycare baby and I loved daycare so much! My mom and I were super close but I used to love going to daycare. I have friends who I've known since we were two years old in daycare -- my mom tells stories of how I used to encourage one of my friends with potty training! I'm happy I could find a good daycare so my kids can have a similar experience to mine!

[Anonymous]

My kids are out of daycare now, but they were in full time day care when thy were younger. You will see as you child ages that the family has the most influence over the child in terms of his/her values and development even while the child is in day care. I was lucky that I had high quality day care, so they didn't mess up my children, but it is very clear that our three children are most influenced by us (my husband and me).

Also, my children are very proud of my career and love to ask me questions about it and visit me at the office.

I honestly believe the kids have suffered no disadvantage being in day care for the first few years of their lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a better mom because my kids went to daycare. No guilt here.

THIS. I love my job (I am a high school teacher) and find it to be very fulfilling. This makes me happier and more grateful for the time we get together. It is also because I teach that I'm able to enjoy longer afternoons/evenings with my son, long breaks, and summer (though I work during summer at least part of the time).

Our son has been in the same daycare since he was 3 months old. We didn't want him to have to start that early, but given the dismal state of maternity leave in this country were left with little other choice.

His caregivers are incredibly kind, warm, loving women. They call him "precioso" and "my amor" and have from the time he started there. I'm also thankful that he has moved up through the infant, mobile infant, and toddler classes with many of the same kids who started when they were also three months old. In the mornings when I say "It's time to go to school - who will we see there?" he starts naming all of his friends and teachers.

I can't speak for my wife (I'm also a woman - same sex marriage) because I know she really, really wants to be able to stay at home. We just can't afford that right now....

[Anonymous]

I absolutely love my daycare. We plan to only have the one child, and don't have grandparents or much other family in the picture. So, knowing that she goes and spends time with a second family of people who love and care about her, and seeing all the enriching activities they do with her (which I would never have the creativity or skill to do), makes me feel like it actually adds a lot of value to her life. And she looks so cute playing with her baby friends when I pick her up