How to let go of husband eating like crap?

[Anonymous]

My husband doesn't physically take care of himself - minimal working out and eats horribly (candy, processed foods, few fruits and veggies etc). He's not overweight and doc says his vitals are fine but it drives me crazy. Why doesn't he think he has to take care of himself physically?!?

But my nagging him, getting upset about it, being annoyed every time he cracks open ANOTHER soda doesn't change his behavior so how do I stop. How do I just accept he's an adult and he can do what he wants with his body? I'm driving myself crazy with being annoyed about it and need to let it go

[Anonymous]

Spend that energy working out.

[Anonymous]

At least you will be a young, hot widow! Much easier to find another partner.

[Anonymous]

Perhaps you don't need to let go, but need a different approach, a more long-term and viable one.
It will depend on how he envisions preserving his health and what his plans are for growing old.

My husband is a doctor and still stuffs himself full of junk after dinner. He now recognizes what I've been saying for years, namely that he eats at night because he's overtired. We have both been struggling to go to bed earlier and lay off the junk food. One thing I'm working on is getting him not to buy the stuff in the first place!

Changing one's thought processes and eating habits is very hard and takes time. You need to sit down with him and hatch a long-term plan that he can commit to.

[Anonymous]

That would drive me crazy. DH and I met as active people who value healthy living. Don't think I could have married those habits in the first place. Nothing better than taking an hour run together and completely focusing on an undistracted conversation. Something about exercising and talking leads to the most productive, clear, and respectful communication.

I feel Most bad for your children of you have them. Old age won't be good to him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That would drive me crazy. DH and I met as active people who value healthy living. Don't think I could have married those habits in the first place. Nothing better than taking an hour run together and completely focusing on an undistracted conversation. Something about exercising and talking leads to the most productive, clear, and respectful communication.

I feel Most bad for your children of you have them. Old age won't be good to him.

Ah, but at least their parents aren't insufferably smug. That would make old age really tough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That would drive me crazy. DH and I met as active people who value healthy living. Don't think I could have married those habits in the first place. Nothing better than taking an hour run together and completely focusing on an undistracted conversation. Something about exercising and talking leads to the most productive, clear, and respectful communication.

I feel Most bad for your children of you have them. Old age won't be good to him.

Ah, but at least their parents aren't insufferably smug. That would make old age really tough.

No doubt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That would drive me crazy. DH and I met as active people who value healthy living. Don't think I could have married those habits in the first place. Nothing better than taking an hour run together and completely focusing on an undistracted conversation. Something about exercising and talking leads to the most productive, clear, and respectful communication.

I feel Most bad for your children of you have them. Old age won't be good to him.

good for you, but how the hell does your post help OP?

[Anonymous]

It doesn't help, she just needed everyone to know she's better than OP.

[Anonymous]

My DH is the same way (well, except that he is overweight & his vitals aren't fine).

I let him know that I am happy to support him in whatever way he prefers -- buying specific healthy foods, not buying specific unhealthy foods, nagging or not nagging, whatever. And then I shut the heck up.

I am not his mom. He is a grownup, and he's never going to maintain any kind of healthy routine if it's externally imposed by me -- it has to be something he's motivated to do.

Does it make me sad that he's not more motivated to stay healthy for me & our kids? Yep. But again, grownup.

[Anonymous]

If he isn't overweight and his doctor says he is healthy, what exactly is the problem? Does he have trouble keeping up with your kids because he is out of shape? Do you want to do more active things together like hiking but he gets out of breath too easily? Are his eating habits setting a bad example for the kids? Maybe if you focus on what specifically you want you can present that as the problem instead of just general distaste for his diet and lack of working out.

I hate vegetables and don't work out at all. I am doing fine and I would not be happy if my husband nagged me to make different choices. I am a grown up an don't have to eat salad for lunch if I don't want. I am sure I will gain weight as my metabolism slows down, and then I will have to make some changes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH is the same way (well, except that he is overweight & his vitals aren't fine).

I let him know that I am happy to support him in whatever way he prefers -- buying specific healthy foods, not buying specific unhealthy foods, nagging or not nagging, whatever. And then I shut the heck up.

I am not his mom. He is a grownup, and he's never going to maintain any kind of healthy routine if it's externally imposed by me -- it has to be something he's motivated to do.

Does it make me sad that he's not more motivated to stay healthy for me & our kids? Yep. But again, grownup.

Same here. I only make healthy food at home (and so does he) but its when he goes out to lunch with his coworkers every day that he eats like crap - wings, pizza, etc. I'm not really gentle about it and will tell him to stop eating that shit for lunch because he's going to have a heart attack. He has been better lately - even sends me pictures of his salads. But he always goes back..

[Anonymous]

Who does the grocery shopping in your family? How do the soda and junk food get into the house?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH is the same way (well, except that he is overweight & his vitals aren't fine).

I let him know that I am happy to support him in whatever way he prefers -- buying specific healthy foods, not buying specific unhealthy foods, nagging or not nagging, whatever. And then I shut the heck up.

I am not his mom. He is a grownup, and he's never going to maintain any kind of healthy routine if it's externally imposed by me -- it has to be something he's motivated to do.

Does it make me sad that he's not more motivated to stay healthy for me & our kids? Yep. But again, grownup.

Same here. I only make healthy food at home (and so does he) but its when he goes out to lunch with his coworkers every day that he eats like crap - wings, pizza, etc. I'm not really gentle about it and will tell him to stop eating that shit for lunch because he's going to have a heart attack. He has been better lately - even sends me pictures of his salads. But he always goes back..

I eat really healthy and my DH is a mixed bag so I understand where you are coming from.

Since you are so critical about what he eats, (how do you even know? Do you interrogate him about what he eats?) he feels even more compelled to eat it at work since you are nitpicking what he is eating at home. Just leave him alone.

DH travels for work 4 days a week and when he described his diet to me my eyes nearly popped out of my head but I kept my mouth shut. Pastries and juice for breakfast, greasy sandwich/fries for lunch and some kind of takeout for dinner. I didn't shame him but really supported his efforts to eat better. Now he packs lunch from home to take (he drives a few hours to his project rather than flying) for 2-3 days, or eats those meals for dinner. He stays at a hotel where he can have oatmeal, egg whites, and fruit for breakfast. He gets junky takeout a couple times a week but now sticks to salads mostly. A huge change without shaming him and making him feel disgusting.

[Anonymous]

You're probably driving him crazy too. If you don't stop you'll drive him right out of your life. I'm pretty sure he's aware of what he's doing.

If this were a man posting about his wife's eating habits there would be replies screaming CONTROL !! He's controlling your life !

Same thing. If that's the only thing your husband does wrong, count your blessings.